Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
What was the last straw that made you go 'OK, I need to deal with my limerence?' Was it a specific incident, or was it just a growing feeling of hopelessness? Or was it that you discovered the term 'limerence' and went 'I've finally found a term for what has been plaguing me for so long!'? Or something else entirely?
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.
- Posts: 346
- Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2017 1:54 pm
I hit rock bottom almost 5 years ago to the day. Had an affair with a coworker and we were both limerent. Games were played by both of us and I was so guilt-ridden, so ashamed and so unbelievably heart-broken that I just came into work one day and ignored her existence.
No explanation or anything. In hindsight, I wish I’d at least given her the courtesy of telling her why, but I didn’t because I was a limerent child. NC went on for about 4 months until one morning when she quit on the spot. I hope she is well, and hope she does well in life.
Didn’t learn about limerence until about a year ago.
- Posts: 1876
- Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm
Truthfully it was the feeling like I was having a nervous breakdown. I had had a previous LE before I knew about limerence and just chalked that up to an EA that was strongly felt. But when another incident hit many years later....just as deep but with less contact with the new LO than had been the case in the previous LE.....I knew something was really not right with my internal psycho-emotional organs. Major surgery was going to be required and the new limerence forums like this one helped immensely.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz
- Posts: 993
- Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
Probably that growing feeling of hopelessness. I felt so relieved when I found the term, knowing what I had and knowing it was real, that others had had it. But everything about it kept happening it didn’t make the limerence any less just knowing what it was. What really got to be enough, overpowering the positive highs was the erratacism between these extreme highs and very extreme lows and the feeling like the time in between did not matter. Like everyday was about this one person and everyday was a calculation of whether or not it would be good, whether or not it would even matter depending on if I saw him, for how long, and if I got the hit. That with the hopelessness of knowing that’s the best I could get, the fantasy, the real thing just isn’t a possibility, so that feeling of well this is it, this is the best it’s gonna get and it’s not great.
Not sure it constitutes hitting bottom as it’s always been an ongoing process but that’ll do it. I’m still limerent, still holding a bit but I wouldn’t believe I went through that extreme of highs and lows and 100 percent constant thoughts if I hadn’t lived through it.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman
- Posts: 465
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
I sought psychological counseling within a few weeks of this intense crush starting. I wasn’t eating or sleeping and I was unable to focus at all, and I had an LE before that lasted 15 years and I did not want to repeat that. Disclosure to a therapist helped that lift (after years of LC).
But what really convinced me that something was wrong with me was when a friend broke up with her boyfriend of three years and cried and was upset, but was recovering and doing things again after two or three weeks. And I realized that I was still in deep despair over non reciprocation in a not real relationship months and months later. I was stuck in some kind of obsessive pain mode that from my view appeared to be causing me more distress than an actual break up from an actual relationship. (And certainly more distress than my remembrance of actual break ups from long ago). And this felt more like a psychological disorder than a romantic issue.
I was so relieved when I found this site, because it put a name on it and companionship with other rational people dealing with the same hijacked brain insanity.
- Posts: 148
- Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:25 am
For me it was two things. First, I needed relief from this intense psychological and physical pain. Second, I realized that, with my current mindset, I was headed down the road to a possible affair. From that I got the impetus to turn things around and work on my relationship with DW. I discovered limerence later. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t a bad person because of my LE.
- Posts: 288
- Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
I was aware of the term Emotional Affair because I had one but it was mainly a texting relationship as he lived overseas.
What I was feeling for the latest LO was different or so I thought - T has now told me it was really the same and if my EA partner lived in the same city it would have progressed to limerence or intense infactuation.
I read stuff online and came across this forum and every box was checked for me. 9 months of hell and ecstacy later - the roller coaster was bound to come to an end
The last few days, what led to a mutual NC is the hopeless feeling of being a slave to his texts/calls and most importantly a heart to heart that SO and I had that woke me up A LOT!
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
One year of EA and full PA
Now free and a survivor of LE
- Posts: 154
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:23 am
It was just over a year ago that I sought professional help for the feelings I was having for my much younger coworker. I just knew there was something different about it, the obsessional nature and of course it was highly inappropriate as I’m married with kids and she reports to me. It took maybe a 2-3 months of these feelings growing in intensity for me to take action to try to save my marriage and career.
For the next 9m or so me and the T have been discussing it, what it could be, why etc but never mentioned Limerence. I started reading a book about addiction and I wondered if there was such a thing as person addiction. Then I stumbled on the term, and have read everything I can about it ever since because it just describes what this is perfectly. The T doesn’t see the difference between Limerence and being smitten...
- Posts: 513
- Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Baby four being born and I just wanted to be with LO, 99pc of my thougths where on her, I couolent work or enjoy family and sought to maximize my time with her.
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- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:36 am
I am done with this. I feel as I have hit rock bottom. I am feeling like crap. It is now affecting my grades(now getting c's), possibly will affect when I get my drivers licence(I am a car guy). My LO is in the IB(super smart kids) program at another school and every time I try to sit down and do my homework(so that don't get c's) I am triggered by the the thought that I can't be like her(even though I am super gifted and considered by most very intelligent). When I try to start an assignment I start to feel weak, struggle to breathe, and can't focus on anything but her. I show up at school in the morning having gotten nothing done and thus feel like crap. I struggle to comprehend the idea that I am throwing away my potential over someone that I haven't seen for over a year; or let alone actually gone to school with for two years. I feel like I am some kind of psycho. Something needs to change. Where can I start.
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