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Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Daydreaming
Posts: 24
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Location: Brazil
Brazil

Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Daydreaming » Thu Sep 13, 2018 11:48 pm

When my LE began I never imagined that my feelings for LO would take away all the meaning of my life and my interest in any personal achievement and goals of life. Everything I do seems to be not enough to fill my pain, I feel a huge emptiness inside, small achievements and good sensations soon disappearing amid the thoughts of LE.

It is as if LE had changed my way of seeing the world and especially life, my will is to abandon everything, since I find no motivation to devote myself to the things of my day to day as university and work. After several apexes of LE I do not feel more able to have a normal life, I have been having enormous difficulty to relate to people and I can not keep interacting with them continuously because I always wonder that they do not want me around. Some people close to me must wonder why I am so capable of dedicating my own life, they must think I'm lazy, but the reality is that I have no desire to live anymore.

The years are passing and every time one of them ends I look back and I see no changes. While everyone is advancing in their lives, I remain inert. I think some things in life will destroy you forever, and LE definitely defeated me.
Brazilian, limerent, passionate and believer that love is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Pandora
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Pandora » Fri Sep 14, 2018 12:41 am

I hear you. There have been months on end where I've done nothing but the bare minimum for all other life activities, and remained fixated on my LO. When inevitably something happened (I didn't get the contact that I wanted, for instance) I would be crushed and think 'What is the point of living anymore?' I've been suicidal before, but the 'desire to not exist' describes the feeling to a T.

I do want to say that this can actually be motivational. I've arrived at that place in my limerence where I've gone 'Limerence is going to kill me. Even if I don't commit suicide, I will spend the rest of my life as a zombie, going through life in a series of unfeeling, repetitive motions. It's a spiritual death, if not a physical one. If I try to break away from my limerence, I might also die because I have no clue what I'm going to do with myself if I can't engage in my limerence, but there might be a better tomorrow beyond the obsession.'

If you can get to that point, harness the pain to do something different. Recovery from limerence is slow and fraught with a lot of pitfalls, but it is possible if you want it badly enough.

Best wishes for you, and I hope we both find a life beyond limerence.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

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Spinnaker
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Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:19 am

Pandora and Charm LISTEN and TRUST me when I say that it WILL GET BETTER! The depths of dispair had me in a state like that for the first time in my life. I’ve been there and can tell you that no two months are the same. You’ve bit hit with a crippling blow and the doctors say you aren’t paralyzed... it’s just going to take work to regain your strength to walk.

One great thing about this forum is each step of the way, all you need to do is express your thoughts on here and someone will understand what you are going through. That alone was seriously a life saver for me. The solitude of it all can feel crippling and it’s not a battle you have to fight alone.

The stage where life loses its color sucks and maybe we’ll never experience a world like that as long as we live. But it wasn’t real. We took a trip into outer space and now we’re back on planet Earth. Unpack slowly, there are REAL gifts waiting for you within.

Sending strength and understanding. You can do this! :ymhug:

Pandora
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Pandora » Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:29 am

Thanks Spinnaker! :ymhug:
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Acrobatica
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Acrobatica » Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:46 am

Also struggling.

Had an interesting interaction with T where I admitted that I am always worried that the best is behind me, and there is nothing to look forward to in the future. We talked about how silly that was, when I keep moving forward and good things are always on the horizon. It is a skewed world view, but I know that I have felt this way since my late twenties, but yet continue to accomplish things that I never even dreamed I would be doing in my twenties.

I know that I particularly struggle with meaning. Former LO created meaning through rehearsals and plays and ritualistic training and rules of interaction, and it was easy to latch on to him so that I did not have to create meaning in life for myself. But I have realized for some time that I have to do the hard work of creating meaning for myself. Sometimes it feels overwhelming. I definitely wanted to put the work of creating meaning on current LO, but he would never let me. Creating meaning for yourself is the only way that the meaning is true.

NVTS
Posts: 334
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by NVTS » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:35 am

Daydreaming: I hope your just being dramatic. I have been in your shoes too many times in my life especially with regard to my 20 year LE. IF you are contemplating suicide please, please, please GET SOME HELP!!!!

If I had succumbed to the despair back then, I would never have met my wife or beautiful children. Don’t isolate yourself!
M-47-married
LO- married 47,work colleagues

Natslife
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2018 12:24 am
United States of America

Re: Loss of meaning in life and desire to not exist

Post by Natslife » Fri Sep 14, 2018 4:39 pm

NVTS wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:35 am
If I had succumbed to the despair back then, I would never have met my wife or beautiful children. Don’t isolate yourself!
Absolutely agree. I remember being in the grip of limerance in 2010 and it was horrendous. I felt the same - empty, devoid of anything, wanting to no longer exist. 8 years on and my life is fantastic. Yes, I'm in the middle of LE for someone new now, but I can look back to that time and easily gain perspective on things. I wouldn't have seen my kids grow up, moved to America, had a ton of amazing experiences if I had succumbed back then.

Another thing - in the middle of all that despair I found a lot of strength. Like a kind of "fuck you, who are you to be making me feel like this". Yes, it wasn't him doing it, but whatever it takes to mentally get you out of there you need to do. Finally, I am a BIG advocate for medication when needed. Depression - which is what this is - is no joke. You literally cannot function. Even the effort of going to a doctor to get help seems like too much. But it is the one step you must take. If you take no other steps, take that one.

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