Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:25 pm
10 months ago Lo and I were on a group WhatsApp. I saved their number, was convinced they would of done the same thing. For the last 10 months I have stupidly and religiously checked their last seen time stamp, so convinced they were doing the same, when we were both online at the same time I was adamant they were looking at my chat page, sometimes for over an hour just sat staring at that online message waiting for the typing symbol to appear. In my head I thought why else would you be online for over an hour other than doing what I was doing. 10 moths of no message just looking, then came the day that I had a Legitimate reason to send a message. I had spent ages writing editing deleting and re-editing. I decided to send it via the broadcast list option. (This will allow the message to only be delivered if the recipient has your number saved) you have to send it to more than one number so I added my other phone to the list and hit send and waited one tick for sent two for delivered and two blue for read, I sat and watched as one tick came then two on my other phone, but only one on LOs the message never got delivered, I sat and waited and watched as their last seen stamp changed to online and still only one tick. They never had my number saved in their phone, I feel so stupid, how did I get this that wrong, I feel utterly rejected, I was so convinced that this feeling was mutual. In my head I knew this was going to be the case but my heart just needed that clarification that they cared. I am such a fool, I have sat for hours upon hours looking at that stupid online status so convinced they were doing the same. What an idiot.
- Posts: 822
- Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
- Location: USA
I'm so sorry. It hurts a lot. I have been there, thinking I was on his mind or something, only for him to forget about me or reject me in one way or another. On his birthday my "happy birthday" message went completely ignored, and I know he saw it within minutes of me sending it.
Try to sit with the feelings, identify how you are feeling and think back to a time perhaps in childhood where you felt the same way. Feelings of abandonment or loss. Often times you can see parallels between your inner child and this longing for your LO. It's not about her, its about your wound inside. I am with you in the pain.
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
That is so painful. I am sorry. But I'm sure all of us have done something similar, and felt equally foolish. Perhaps it doesn't help much, but you are definitely not alone.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.
- Posts: 285
- Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Its such an awful feeling to have gotten it so wrong - to compulsively check like its the aur you breathe, to not be able to focus on anything else (eating, sleeping, your kids, SO) and all for nothing !BUT - this is a good sign since it should be a motivator for you to move forward.
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
One year of EA and full PA
Now free and a survivor of LE
- Posts: 429
- Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
One of my fears of FD to LO is REJECTION!
If you have read my posts you will see that my life has been one unrequited LE after another. The additive effect of each subsequent rejection is exponential. So after an arranged marriage and 20 years of dormancy, meeting someone who seemed so wonderful AND who seemed to reciprocate:WOW!
My latest thinking is that LO is just a nice and flirty type of person and if I found out that she never felt anything special about me then I might as well sit in the corner with a “DUNCE” hat on.
LO- married 48,work colleagues
- Posts: 465
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
Yes. To all of this. Rejection is terrifying and awful.
I did disclose to LO, and was "rejected" (with word salad) several times. This actually caused a kind of out of body experience the first time, where I kept falling asleep while driving home. I had to pinch myself and talk to myself to make it home. It was like my body was just shutting down involuntarily. I had never felt anything like it before.
Now that I am getting a little distance, I am like, why do I care so much what one person thinks of me?? (OK, because I spent most of my waking hours obsessed over this person). And how do I expect for any one person to be as obsessed over me as I am of them. People are people, and they have different wants, needs, paths in life. Why should I be so wrapped up in this one particular person?
Finding a lot of inner stuff about me about this. But please know that the rejection is not about you, as a human being. This is NOT reinforcing that you deserve to be rejected. This is just that you made this one person incredibly important to you, and they may or may not have made you as important to them. Keep digging as to why this person set off such deep emotions in you, and where that takes you.
And take some time to mourn. You are mourning a fantasy. But a fantasy that was real to you. And that mourning deserves your respect too.
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- Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Last edited by Spinnaker
on Sat Nov 03, 2018 4:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 4:46 am
- Location: Brazil
The funniest thing about my LE is that it's been very seldom that I have actively sought contact with LO, I have always created favorable scenarios so that it indirectly interacts with me in some way, mainly through social networks. I shared posts aimed at her that pleased her, but always without mentioning her, and then I spent several hours staring at the computer screen waiting for a notification of her tune to appear on Facebook. When the notification surfaced on the screen, I was filled with happiness and euphoria, but when it became online and did not interact with my posts, I was overwhelmed with anguish and despair.
I spent several hours of my day looking for posts that fit her personality, saved the best, and then shared the times I knew she would be online, it was like selecting the best pamphlets for an advertising agency to present to a large client.
When my LO deleted Facebook, it was one of the hardest blows I took, because I knew that from that moment on I would no longer have to communicate with her, but in this time period she created another account and sent me a friend request again , I think that was one of the happiest days I've had this year.
Brazilian, limerent, passionate and believer that love is the most wonderful thing in the world.
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