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Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
ReeledIn
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by ReeledIn » Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:35 am

All I know is that almost every affair recovery guru out there says you really need to come clean..otherwise your marriage is kind of a sham.

I never thought I would be forgiven , but I was.

What makes your SO so wonderful? You don't think he could recover? I wonder if you are underestimating him.

I would be curious to know what CrushedSO and Crushed1234 have to say. I know CrushedSO kept his affair quiet for several years. Ibam sure that took a toll on him psychologically.
47yo female, LO/ex PA partner is 54, single dad & coworker
LE started June 2016, PA started Dec 2016
LC began June 2017
Now reconciled with wonderful SO


For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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CrushedSO
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by CrushedSO » Mon Sep 10, 2018 5:32 am

I did keep it secret. After LE turned into Hiroshima I justified the deception to myself. I thought “well that was a fucked up rollercoaster and I never want to do that again, I almost destroyed my family. I should tell SO, but it’s over now, so why hurt her with something that’s already done, plus she will probably never forgive me”.

Everything about LE deeply affected me. Guilt and shame, thinking I’d met my soulmate, deception, insecurity - you name it. It’s just in the last 11 months that I’ve started to take ownership of my own crap.

Our situation is very unique. We were in a shitty place in 2013. SO and I weren’t at war, but we were so distant. Looking back at it, if I had confessed then I think she would have told me GTFO. I know she would have. The best case scenario for us would have obviously been if we didn’t betray each other the way we did and still somehow starting doing this work, but that didn’t happen. This did, and it’s been so hard, you have no idea, but I feel it is starting to turn around for both SO and I and the darkest days from this might be behind us.

Onto my LE- Even to this day I feel pain when I think of LO, for the first few YEARS the pain was from longing. I would conjur fantasies of rescuing her before I fell asleep every night. The white knight needs his soother. Then the pain was from being a victim of LO. How could she do those things to me when I loved her so unconditionally? Now the pain is just a sadness. Backstory- In June or July SO’s LO reinitiated contact with SO. Naturally I felt....FUCKING ANGRY!!!! I sent him some very stern texts and he ran away from that convo like the road runner. Anyways, when I was limerent I was an adult child. I’d like to think that I’ve grown into an adult tween. So Mr. Crushed-the-tween thought it was a good idea to send LO a letter, because SO got to speak with her LO (nope, I’m not grown up yet...hopefully one day). It was an honest and mature letter, I just apologized for my half of that mess and explained my logic at the time for treating her the way I did while completely oblivious to the pain I was causing her through my actions. I had to own my bullshit. BS that SO tuned me onto. LO is a living person with her own feelings and I treated her like dirt at the end.

LO has not replied. This causes me pain. Pain because I finally said something authentic to her and it fell on deaf ears. It’s probably karma for the way I treated her. I know David and others say there is gold in not knowing, but I haven’t found it yet. I do wish the best for LO though, I think she is a good hearted person with her own set of issues. Sorry for the tangent, I don’t even remember what I was replying to. Hope this helps.

Charm
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by Charm » Mon Sep 10, 2018 3:41 pm

Thank you guys and CrushedSO i knew that you eventually shared with SO so I did not expect you to reply but I’m glad you did because it gives more insight into the thought process you had when you were grappling with it all.
I havent attempted NC again but trying to plan this time since last time he pulled the rug from under me - this time I plan to do it little by little

Last night SO and I laughed/giggled - it was so great but this morning I woke up longing to get a text from LO - didnt and now my mood is affected EVEN THOUGH I had a great night - I piss myself off so much. Since SO has no inkling - ZERO- anything is up I cant and will not divulge but just wanted to gauge how not telling affected you guys
Thanks again :ymhug:
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 2x
LE is now over - fingers crossed!

mamasita
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by mamasita » Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:45 pm

My DH does not know about limerence and what I have been going through for the past couple of years.
We actually began to rebuild our broken marriage before limerence hit me. Our marriage had been disconnected and tumultuous for over 10 years prior. I think that since I was using all of my energy to hold a shaky marriage together (not to mention 4 children and a full time job), I was completely focused on everyone but myself.
When my marriage got better (and children getting older, needing less from me) limerence hit like a ton of bricks. I started to feel old wounds for the first time in 20 or so years. And instead of feeling those wounds, I found a happy limerent fantasy was much more enjoyable. And addictive. And the chase for the LO and the continuation/avoidance of my childhood pain began. The LO is also very present one minute, vanished in the next so that just intensified things for me. I disclosed and he seemed to reciprocate to my face. But in reality he was running from me. And once I realized what he was doing (avoiding me)I finally hit the bottom and realized that I have problems too. My DH isn't THE PROBLEM which had been my rallying cry for over a decade. I was f**ked up too. x_x

All of that to say, I cannot ever tell my DH. I did not consummate with LO. Credit to LO for that.
I cannot tell my DH because we have been through so much and built up our marriage so much. It is very strong. But my DH also has severe anxiety and at times insecurity. Disclosing would cause NOTHING but pain, there would be no repair. Limerence was always about me, and my ocean to swim through. I am a much better mother and wife to my family for pursuing no contact, regognizing my triggers and staying focused in this moment, every moment.

Charm
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by Charm » Thu Sep 13, 2018 5:15 pm

I posted on a new topic but just wanted to say
THANK YOU to all the replies I got above as reading them over and over helped me make the decision to not even meet LO for lunch -
I lied with the excuse I wasnt feeling well and other than a quick text reply to say no problem and hope ill feel better - no other texts have been sent to check up on me which I would with him - case closed!!!
Best decision I have made in 9 months yet feeling heart palpitations, anxious, constantly checking for texts but I made the right call thanks to you guys :ymhug:
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 2x
LE is now over - fingers crossed!

ReeledIn
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by ReeledIn » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:05 am

Stay strong, Charm.
47yo female, LO/ex PA partner is 54, single dad & coworker
LE started June 2016, PA started Dec 2016
LC began June 2017
Now reconciled with wonderful SO


For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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NaturalezaMuerta
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Re: Pls help de-code LO’s reply

Post by NaturalezaMuerta » Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:07 am

Withdrawal symptoms... :ymhug: take it one minute at a time! You can do it! (*) :-BD :-BD :-bd
They are not responding to you and you are not responding to them. *-:)

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