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Help and advice needed

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
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AnnieKaye9924
Posts: 107
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:22 pm
Canada

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by AnnieKaye9924 » Sat May 11, 2019 3:38 am

HMP, yes, her behavior is completely normal after the birth of her firstborn baby. When I had newborns I only had time for friends who could relate, i.e., other women/mothers who could support me with breastfeeding stories, encouragement, tips, etc. Honestly, it is truly one of the most overwhelming times of life; the fact that she has reached out to you at all is telling of the value of your friendship to her. Agree that you don’t even need to wonder about what you mean to her at this time...she’s in survival mode for sure.

I’m so encouraged at how great you are doing in only 5.5 weeks!

Spinnaker
Posts: 2110
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Spinnaker » Sat May 11, 2019 4:12 am

Perfectly stated AK!

Keep up the great work HMP!
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 449
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Helpmeplease » Sat May 11, 2019 7:18 am

Thank you! Good to know :)

Pattihopeful
Posts: 189
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Pattihopeful » Sat May 11, 2019 12:32 pm

Glad to hear the update HMP! 5 weeks is huge. I agree with AnnieK. Totally normal for moms of newborns to back off. You were talking about LE being fantasy but feelings possibly being real. What I think it is, is that our thoughts can become feelings. We see this person that has qualities that push our buttons. We like them and our thoughts start saying they're good looking, kind, fuuny, compassionate etc. That makes us feel good about them and the cycle continues. The less we focus our,thoughts on them, the less feelings we will have. I am not there. I am allowing my thoughts to focus on him and all I perceive that is good about him. My feelings of limerance increase.

You have come so far and are showing me this can be done. Keep posting and thanks for all the help you are offering to others!

Helpmeplease
Posts: 449
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Helpmeplease » Sat May 11, 2019 7:23 pm

I thought today I find it hard to calibrate what is ok and what is friendship wtih her - for everyone else I wouldn't have even needed to ask and the comments back are of course totally right.

Yep PH I am doing it! You are starting too as well.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 449
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Helpmeplease » Wed May 15, 2019 7:57 pm

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Last edited by Helpmeplease on Mon May 20, 2019 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pattihopeful
Posts: 189
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu May 16, 2019 3:27 am

Thanks for the update. I totally can relate. Since lowering contact, I keep feeling other griefs and hurts. My mom dying is one of them. It is easier to be in LE in the short term. I can also relate LO is one of my favorite people. Not sure why though.

Interesting you have more time. It can't hurt to try another therapist. Blessings to you HMP!

Whiskeyjack
Posts: 148
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:25 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Whiskeyjack » Fri May 17, 2019 7:45 am

Helpmeplease wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 7:57 pm
6w in now

I have so much 'spare' time with not seeing her. It's wired.and with NC it's also given me the ability to think of other things than her too. So much time now.

Some time for me to just be
It's kinda nice to start getting your brain back isn't it? You see then just how much the LE takes from your real life.

Good luck in dealing with your dad's passing. It'll be hard, but it's the healthiest thing for you in the long run. I think your idea of getting another therapist is a good idea. Between your dad and the NC, you have a lot of grief to deal with, and a good professional could provide that safe space for you to talk and work through it.

BTW you asked me a short while ago how I'm doing. I'm happy to say I'm no longer limerent and haven't been for a number of months now. Very liberating. Life is good.

Keep up the good work.

WJ

Helpmeplease
Posts: 449
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Help and advice needed

Post by Helpmeplease » Fri May 17, 2019 5:52 pm

Wow WJ I am super pleased for you! Thanks for sharing :)

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