Keep posting. Your predicament sounds similar to mine and familiar to many others on here. It also sounds like you already have some self-awareness that you keep falling limerent for those who are unavailable and that were you to "get" the LO, it would not solve all of your problems.
I did take offense at you calling the lot of us adulterers. Some relationships here became physical, some emotional, and some people barely talk to the LO. But the word adulterer carries a connotation of judgment. Despite how you have been received here by some, I think this forum works best when it is a place of non-judgment, but support, and a place where we can share insights, theories, and stories. I feel the need to apologize for your reception on behalf of the forum, but one of my insights is that I have spent a lifetime taking responsibility for others behavior and apologizing for things that were not my fault. So, I guess I will share the impulse to apologize, but hold back from actually going there. Baby steps.
I also get your anger. LO left me 6 weeks ago, and I am still pissed off. How dare he leave me after all I did for him. And he set the terms of no contact, we can only see each other through social media - and he stopped liking my posts months and months ago. I unfriended him.
And I get the silly part too. I can be professional and friendly with men. But I find myself getting bizarre around men that I perceive a need for. I am just coming off a rehearsal with a very new guy (quick story - I do circus - worked lots of partner acts with LO - LO LEFT (the asshole) - now I am left with a ton of partner skills and no partner - so I am desperately recruiting any moderately tall, moderately strong man that is interested in circus skills, and more importantly is comfortable working with a 46 year old woman (who is extremely strong, flexible, and skilled)) and did I say desperately recruiting, because at my age I might break at any moment and I want to keep moving forward before my body crumples into dust). And I kept wanting to slap myself. He was into learning, and it made me so excited that I think I came off as a DESPERATE CRAZY OBSESSIVE and did I say DESPERATE partner seeking woman. I could not stop talking. I could not stop saying, I hope I am not coming on too strong, but can you rehearse tomorrow? I hope I am not coming on too strong, but do you want to try straps, rope, silks, trapeze, pops, whips, Icarian, travel to train over a foam pit and with lines?
And this is me totally not limerent. Very new guy seems kind and nice and supportive. I apparently like them cruel and controlling. I encourage you to look into what kind of LO you seem to be attracted to. I have noticed a pattern.
Finally, I get your thought on disclosure. I thought disclosure would help everything to dissipate faster - get it into the light of the day so the sunlight can disinfect it. My T basically supported this. Didn't work that way, however. As all of the advice on this forum has said. (Disclosed way before I found this forum.) I like being open and honest, but romantic lustful feelings are a funny thing to talk about. No one seems to be able to do it well. Especially most of our LOs.
And hey, if you are here on the make, do you want to learn trapeze? (That's my new pick-up line.) And I am kidding everyone! This is not a pick up place. But hey, if any of you out there are tall, strong, and like being upside down. PM me. Just kidding. Maybe. Did I tell you that I am desperate.