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Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by Charm » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:59 pm

mamasita wrote:
Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:39 pm
I decided to stick with no contact back in October, when I joined this forum. Since that time, I have broken the NC twice and he has broken it twice. He obviously doesn't know I am trying for no contact though, so he is just "talking" rather than "breaking no contact" :))

I did wish him a happy birthday recently and he completely ignored me. Not a thank you, nothing. Which of course made me upset that I broke no contact just for a stupid birthday wish.
My anger with his lack of response reminded me that I only wished him a happy birthday for reciprocation. =((

Next year I hope that I either have NO expectations for a return "thank you" or better yet, that I don't even think about his day when it comes around. That would be better.
Well done Mamasita - I hope to be in your shoes soon
Sadly my NC started last monday and I broke it by Thursday and resumed NC by Friday night and going strong the last 48 hours -
It must have made you mad that you got no thank you - Im dealing with anger right now that he hasnt contacted me and its only 2 days!!!
I have a long road ahead of me
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

mamasita
Posts: 755
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by mamasita » Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:04 pm

Charm wrote:
Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:59 pm
mamasita wrote:
Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:39 pm
I decided to stick with no contact back in October, when I joined this forum. Since that time, I have broken the NC twice and he has broken it twice. He obviously doesn't know I am trying for no contact though, so he is just "talking" rather than "breaking no contact" :))

I did wish him a happy birthday recently and he completely ignored me. Not a thank you, nothing. Which of course made me upset that I broke no contact just for a stupid birthday wish.
My anger with his lack of response reminded me that I only wished him a happy birthday for reciprocation. =((

Next year I hope that I either have NO expectations for a return "thank you" or better yet, that I don't even think about his day when it comes around. That would be better.
Well done Mamasita - I hope to be in your shoes soon
Sadly my NC started last monday and I broke it by Thursday and resumed NC by Friday night and going strong the last 48 hours -
It must have made you mad that you got no thank you - Im dealing with anger right now that he hasnt contacted me and its only 2 days!!!
I have a long road ahead of me
I slipped up more times than I care to admit. I would be strong for weeks and then months, only to feel sad and/or lonely and reach out. Its frustrating to start over and then to remind yourself again WHY you had to do it to begin with.
It did upset me that I got no response but then I told myself that this (no contact)was the path I chose to go down to be a more complete and healthy person. Whatever I need, LO can't give and he won't. I'm sorry you are hurting. One day at a time. Some days are hard and others you feel so empowered with the knowledge that you CAN fix YOU. I still have waves of anger and sadness. Used to be daily, now the waves are weekly, which I see as progress.

Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by Charm » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:28 pm

Just a quick update and observation after having NC since Friday-

LO texted me last night a pic of where he was and to have a chat today which we just did. Its funny because even 4 days of NC have done something remarkable:

I find that he speaks about himself a lot
I mean i could be really anyone on the phone and he will just be yammering on about the mundane stuff he is going through
I used to hang onto those words like they were kernels of gold - but you know what? Kinda boring :-@
Yes it was nice that he reached out and broke NC
since it made me feel like he missed me
But i wasnt googoo gaga over him - it was kind of like Meh!
Have no idea what kind of space ill be in the hours, days, wks to come but:
I do know I will be taking a long walk with SO tonight hand in hand
I do know that the book David recommended to me on Shame is arriving tmrw so I can tackle that
And I do feel less anxious and less out of control
In fact last night when he texted I waited a whole 12 hours before I replied- thats progress right?
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by L-F » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:03 pm

:-bd
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

mamasita
Posts: 755
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by mamasita » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:14 pm

Good job Charm! Continue to question yourself and your reactions/actions toward him. When I take off my limerent glasses, I also see that the LO is self centered and not relationship material. Not to mention likely immature and emotionally stunted.
Our emotions & desires come in waves, however. I suspect that there will be more waves of "I will die without you" before this is all said and done. Focus on your progress and continue to remind yourself of why this person is not meant for you. The gray rock method may help when it comes to how you communicate with him, while you are communicating with him. I haven't been very successful with the gray rock method myself, just because I don't see my LO very often. But I have tried it once and I can see how it would escalate the end of this "thing" that we have with our LO...whatever it is...

Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by Charm » Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:03 pm

mamasita wrote:
Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:14 pm
Good job Charm! Continue to question yourself and your reactions/actions toward him. When I take off my limerent glasses, I also see that the LO is self centered and not relationship material. Not to mention likely immature and emotionally stunted.
Our emotions & desires come in waves, however. I suspect that there will be more waves of "I will die without you" before this is all said and done. Focus on your progress and continue to remind yourself of why this person is not meant for you. The gray rock method may help when it comes to how you communicate with him, while you are communicating with him. I haven't been very successful with the gray rock method myself, just because I don't see my LO very often. But I have tried it once and I can see how it would escalate the end of this "thing" that we have with our LO...whatever it is...
“Gray rock method?”
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

mamasita
Posts: 755
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by mamasita » Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:17 pm

The gray rock method is typically used to get someone to stop using you for their ego boosts.

They say its good to use on psychopaths or narcs but I'm not into diagnosing people. :ymdevil:

It's good for also pushing your LO away in order to regain control of your life/emotions/feelings/thoughts etc.
http://www.narcissistswife.com/going-grey-rock/

I think for me, I am no match when it comes to the LO. When he initiates, I fly back into full blown limerence, all of my "work" down the drain. This has discouraged him from a friendly text or whatever...the things he does that I am unable to handle without losing myself. =((

Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by Charm » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:01 pm

mamasita wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:17 pm
The gray rock method is typically used to get someone to stop using you for their ego boosts.

They say its good to use on psychopaths or narcs but I'm not into diagnosing people. :ymdevil:

It's good for also pushing your LO away in order to regain control of your life/emotions/feelings/thoughts etc.
http://www.narcissistswife.com/going-grey-rock/

I think for me, I am no match when it comes to the LO. When he initiates, I fly back into full blown limerence, all of my "work" down the drain. This has discouraged him from a friendly text or whatever...the things he does that I am unable to handle without losing myself. =((
Damn!! I wish I knew the gray rock method - I have definitely done the opposite the last 8 months - more like the rainbow rock method!
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

mamasita
Posts: 755
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by mamasita » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:09 pm

Charm wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:01 pm
mamasita wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:17 pm
The gray rock method is typically used to get someone to stop using you for their ego boosts.

They say its good to use on psychopaths or narcs but I'm not into diagnosing people. :ymdevil:

It's good for also pushing your LO away in order to regain control of your life/emotions/feelings/thoughts etc.
http://www.narcissistswife.com/going-grey-rock/

I think for me, I am no match when it comes to the LO. When he initiates, I fly back into full blown limerence, all of my "work" down the drain. This has discouraged him from a friendly text or whatever...the things he does that I am unable to handle without losing myself. =((
Damn!! I wish I knew the gray rock method - I have definitely done the opposite the last 8 months - more like the rainbow rock method!
My LO could throw a rock AT me and I'd be like "you called?" ;;)

:))

Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: Who broke NC first - you or LO?

Post by Charm » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:35 pm

mamasita wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:09 pm
Charm wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:01 pm
mamasita wrote:
Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:17 pm
The gray rock method is typically used to get someone to stop using you for their ego boosts.

They say its good to use on psychopaths or narcs but I'm not into diagnosing people. :ymdevil:

It's good for also pushing your LO away in order to regain control of your life/emotions/feelings/thoughts etc.
http://www.narcissistswife.com/going-grey-rock/

I think for me, I am no match when it comes to the LO. When he initiates, I fly back into full blown limerence, all of my "work" down the drain. This has discouraged him from a friendly text or whatever...the things he does that I am unable to handle without losing myself. =((
Damn!! I wish I knew the gray rock method - I have definitely done the opposite the last 8 months - more like the rainbow rock method!
My LO could throw a rock AT me and I'd be like "you called?" ;;)

:))
=))
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

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