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Instrumental

Book recommendations and book reviews. Please add reviews of any books you found helpful during your limerence recovery.
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L-F
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Instrumental

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:55 pm

Instrumental – A memoir or madness, medication and music, by James Rhodes

This wee book captures every post, every thread and every thought on this forum. James talks about his experience at a young age, mental illness, childhood trauma, limerence, drugs, playing the victim, cutting and more. He even mentions forums.

I would recommend this book to men struggling with LE, their mind and their marriage. James is blunt, obnoxious and a self-described cuntish wanker. He doesn’t hold back and couldn’t care less what you thought of his story, simply because for him, he’s standing in his truth, difficult to do when you are a master manipulator for self-preservation.

He talks about suicide, drugs, sex, lust, love, ego, brain chemicals, and relationships with women. He even goes so far as give good solid healthy advice for relationships. Advice that is ridiculously simple.

He was diagnosed as suffering from: bi-polar disorder, acute PTSD, autism, Tourette’s, clinical depression, suicidal depression, anorexia, DID, borderline personality disorder.

Things happened in his life that seem extraordinarily too good to be true and I wanted to shout “you jammy bastard!”, then I’d cringed at the thought that this madman could be lucky. He is as lucky as he is destined for hell, two extremes, never a simple life… not when you are as damaged as James.

He talks about finding real love after limerence and what it means to be seen and heard without his many masks that he wore in front of others, and himself.

“... ‘falling in love ‘doesn’t mean courting, dating and spending weeks getting to know one another, going on a journey together and over time realising you are both deeply in love. It means it’s exactly as it is in the movies – your eyes meet (or you see her Twitter avatar), you exchange a word, text, email or two and then BANG, you’re in love. Urgent, immediate, explosive, hot. You tell all your friends, post it all over Facebook and act like a giant fuck-nugget. It’s Disney on crack and its fucking dangerous. Nothing can be sustained like that. There can never be any truth in it. It is simply addiction, brain chemicals getting you higher and higher before the inevitable crash. But we all play along because that’s how it works in the movies and on TV and in the papers and its alluring and immediate and frisky”



“We are riddled with trauma. Abandonment, divorce, violence, abuse of every kind, neglect, alcoholism, anger, blame, judgement, religion, bullying – a thousand different forms of hell surround us from our first days on this plant. Sometimes intentionally, often totally unconsciously, we are, I believe, the walking wounded from a very young age. Some people seem to adjust well despite it, some don’t. And although I tried everything I could to distract from that hurt, I could not outrun it”
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

L-F
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Re: Instrumental

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:36 pm

Just realised... wrong section.

David are you able to move it to the Book section please :D
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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CrushedSO
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Re: Instrumental

Post by CrushedSO » Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:41 pm

Thank you for this L_F! Gonna see if I can get it on kindle and read it tonight.

L-F
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Re: Instrumental

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:48 pm

When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

L-F
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Re: Instrumental

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 12, 2018 11:14 pm

When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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David
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Re: Instrumental

Post by David » Fri Jul 13, 2018 6:59 am

Sounds like a good read - just ordered it.

i like his honesty on the bbc interview. Especially how he debunks the self help movement and that it takes decades to undo our childhood trauma.

hes also just published a new book called Fire on All Sides: Insanity, insomnia and the incredible inconvenience of life

ps thread moved to the book section
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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David
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Re: Instrumental

Post by David » Sat Jul 14, 2018 7:57 pm

Boy, what an emotional read - in the way he describes so honestly and so viscerally the impact of bing raped as a 6 year old and his battle with his inner demons. I found myself being triggered by his descriptions of the abuse and his self harm.

Interesitng that after many years of self abuse and involuntary hospitalisations, and the collapse of a love addicted LTR, 2 books changed his thinking and started his journey to reconnect with his grief and other feelings - waking the tiger and homecoming.

The book precipitated another nightmare for me last night - something ive been afflicted with all my life. I cant help but wonder if there is some trans-generational sexual abuse in my own psyche. I have asked my father about this during his time in Auschwitz - the younger boys (he was 11) were prayed upon by older men. He denied any such events and yet if this did happen Id suspect he would feel to much shame to ever admit to this. He also originated from an ultra religious Jewish sect where paedophilia is not unknown. http://www.lastampa.it/2011/12/14/vatic ... agina.html

Thanks for the recommendation LF.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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L-F
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Re: Instrumental

Post by L-F » Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:34 pm

"It was not easy to convince victims to come forward, to push past the blanket of secrecy that had been pulled over these sad events."

That's interesting the book triggered something within David. When I read it I related it to a few male posters on here. I could see a crossover. That's not to say I think the posters on here were sexually abused (I have no idea), though I pictured a couple of posters as if they were the author. Which says more about my imagination than anything else.

I would hate to say if anything did or didn't happen to your father. Personally, with the way things were in those camps and with the evil mindset of those men, it would not surprise me if the children were playthings for all kinds of hideous brutal behavior. It would not surprise me if those men acted out. It would not surprise me if many soldiers got great pleasure out of inflicting internal pain on little boys.

Its a shame that shame holds people back from disclosing.
Last edited by L-F on Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

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David
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Re: Instrumental

Post by David » Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:01 am

L-F wrote:
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:34 pm
"It was not easy to convince victims to come forward, to push past the blanket of secrecy that had been pulled over these sad events."
That's not to say I think the posters on here were sexually abused (I have no idea), though I pictured a couple of posters as if they were the author. Which says more about my imagination than anything else.
maybe, maybe not. I suspect there is more than our fare share of people here that have been sexually abused as children.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

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