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Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

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David
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Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by David » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:03 pm

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by CrushedSO » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:28 pm

Wow! Eye-opening! I loved “The drama of the gifted child”

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David
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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by David » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:33 pm

CrushedSO wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:28 pm
I loved “The drama of the gifted child”
me too
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by CrushedSO » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:46 pm

Have you read Mr. Miller’s “the true drama of the gifted child” David? If so what did you think?

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by JohnDeux » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:12 am

Wow!....Thank you for this post and the link, David. As a devout reader of Miller's work, I will for sure be getting Martin's book and will sit down with my copies of A. Miller's books to do some cross-referencing.

Frankly, I always read her books from the point of view of Alice, the psychotherapist,.....not Alice, the mother. Although she had a keen eye for abusive situations and generally tried to summarize what it meant to be a more nurturing parent, as I write this, I can't actually recall mention in her books of her *own* parenting behaviors and practices. Certainly one might *assume* that since she was so adamant about the damage that can be done to children by abusive and neglectful parenting, that she herself would tend to err on the side of compassion and clarity. Since within that past reading I had already come across the biographical sketches of her past during wartime, I did wonder at her ability to overcome much of her own damage simply through the cerebral task of becoming a therapist and writing a lot of books. So I was left nodding with Martin at what I felt would not be too unusual a scenario.....the careerist who's absolution of her guilt---on many levels....would come to her through her public works, while probably hiding some insurmountable private failings.

I'm glad for both of their works....what endures for me, even though she apparently was not able to embrace it with her son, is her insistence on finding one's own true story, itself something that changes over time with new growth and revelations. Good to see that Martin followed that directive in his own life.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:42 am

If you do not process and experience your own pain, you'll project it onto others.

Thanks for sharing
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by David » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:34 am

Just finished this book. It gives another perspective on Alice Miller, the Jewish holocaust survivor who married a Polish Nazi collaborator who hated Jews - Martin talks about this in a chapter titled Stockholm syndrome. It sounds like he suffered as much at the hands of his father as well as his mother.

He writes from the vantage point of being a decades old psychotherapist. For me, this gives him extra credibility and objectivity, as objective as one can be of one's own parents.

As a mother, it appears she failed at every level, poorly equipped for mother hood and severely traumatised from her wartime experiences in the Warsaw Ghetto and the choices and price she paid for her own survival.

For me, the book was especially pertinent, covering trans generational trauma of holocaust survivors and their offspring and touching on epigenetics.

And he echoes LF's point about in one line with these words When you don't process it in you own therapy, you'll project the experience onto next generation
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by Spinnaker » Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:21 am

VERY interesting. Thank you for posting, David!

Couldn't decide where to post this and then your post popped up. Not a perfect match but related to the Stockholm point. Here is a 7 minute Eckhart Tolle clip which explains the basics of why we stay in abusive relationships. It's due to conditioning.

I see the repeated patterns of multiple LE's and the misery they bring as familiar stomping grounds reflecting our family and often married lives. Most and often all of this is unconscious.... which is why it's important to be open to acknowledging there are underlying reasons we are drawn into some of these LE's and breaking it off can feel like we are a child choosing to run away from home. We regress and find ourselves dependent on the happiness they bring.

(Sounds like a robot. Still worthwhile)


Last edited by Spinnaker on Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Alice Miller's son blows the myth about his mother's parenting skills

Post by Maddie » Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:54 pm

Wow. Video of Alice Miller's son speaking about his own experience was powerful! Thanks for sharing.
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