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"The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Rocinante
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"The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Post by Rocinante » Fri Jul 06, 2018 8:17 am

I had friendship & limerence on the brain when I discovered this one (what topic doesn't this channel cover very well?). Lots of layers going on here. Lots of similar videos on relationships and friendship in the channel.

"The Advantages of Being 'just Good Friends"

"We're used to thinking of the state of friendship as hugely inferior compared with that of being in a relationship. But comparing how most people behave in a couple, compared with how they are in a friendship, should perhaps lead us to reconsider our choices."

Rocinante • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocinante_(disambiguation)
RECLUDET PRATERITIS! <-- Current mantra / magic spell ("Quarantine the past!")

DragonTamer
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Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:55 pm

Re: "The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Post by DragonTamer » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:46 pm

I'll actually take this one step further and say that, for me, I am my best self at the "mere" acquaintanceship level, and I find that others are too. Plenty of good friendships go bad too once everyone gets nice and comfortable enough to let the mask slip. :D

Charm
Posts: 258
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
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Re: "The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Post by Charm » Sat Jul 07, 2018 1:14 am

So funny this post is the first thing I see online
Because today i met with LO and asked him after 8 months what he wants out of this and what he
wants from me ? He answered ,among other things, that he is happy to consider me a friend that he has no female friends - I was crushed.
FRIENDS?? He is my soul mate wound mate whatever the heck he is - its much more than a friend ...... but then I watched this little clip and its true - we treat (at least I treat) SO horribly, with insults and resentment. I would not treat LO like that and therein lies the magic of limerence - we really are the best versions of ourselves and so is SO making a magical cocktail of infactuation, desire, passion.
One thing this clip doesnt address:
What if you really desire LO sexually ? You cant possibly think of themas a friend then- can you?
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 2x
LE is now over - fingers crossed!

JohnDeux
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: "The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Post by JohnDeux » Sat Jul 07, 2018 1:22 am

Charm wrote:
Sat Jul 07, 2018 1:14 am
What if you really desire LO sexually ? You cant possibly think of themas a friend then- can you?
Mmmmmmm......I understand what you are saying, but I think it's good to separate out 'limerent horniness' from the non-limerent version. We can get the horns on for any number of people in our sphere of acquaintance but generally can still maintain a friendship with most of them. Within limerence, however, that drive gets amped up to where we feel that to be close to them without eventually consummating seems inconceivable. (Just reiterating that there is a version of limerence reported here more for males where sexual consummation is actually repressed towards LO, but some sort of merger is still desired.) But just to emphasize that limerence, being largely about some sort of inner transformation, is possibly driving you to believe that you could not be friends with LO due to you desire. Maybe something to ponder......
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

Rocinante
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Re: "The Advantages of Being 'Just Good Friends'"

Post by Rocinante » Sat Jul 07, 2018 3:36 am

Charm wrote:
Sat Jul 07, 2018 1:14 am
One thing this clip doesnt address:
What if you really desire LO sexually ? You cant possibly think of themas a friend then- can you?
I think if you really desire them sexually (whether that’s repressed or not), that can be tamped down. For me anyways, the hard part is jealousy that flares up when they are seeing someone, after they’ve rejected you or are unaware of your feelings. Particularly if their new passionate relationship is going down in your proximity (or you see it all go down on social media) — it’s really hard. I’d always wished I’d met the LO when she already had a boyfriend or was married, because that kind of inaccessibility snuffs out desire for me pretty quickly. It’s the rejection plus the jealousy when they go for someone else that’s torture.

Yet if I’d met the LO with a partner I probably wouldnt have developed the relationship with her that I did.

I think that this animation takes a bit of the sting out of it, that being thought of as a friend doesn’t mean you’re not sexy to someone, or that maybe you really do mean something as a friend in a way that is valuable and distinctly different than their lover(s) / partner(s), and you don’t have to turn to thinking you’re deficient. But how hard it is to resist the jealousy. :( I’d’ve given anything at a certain moment to have magic lightning strike me and turn all my desires OFF!

I had an interesting relationship once with someone whose best friend and roommate was obviously in love with her and was in such angry agony if I slept over there. The funny thing is... I was actually jealous of him after awhile, because she’d still go on long, serious, really cool friend-dates with him. Whereas with me she’d be shoving me out the door by 9...( “sorry I’m busy, you gotta go.” ) But I never got to tell him that! :-?
Rocinante • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocinante_(disambiguation)
RECLUDET PRATERITIS! <-- Current mantra / magic spell ("Quarantine the past!")

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