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An excellent article on JADE

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David
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An excellent article on JADE

Post by David » Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:52 am

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

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Anna
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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by Anna » Thu Jun 14, 2018 11:19 am

A plain 'no' would sound rude to most of us, wouldn't it? I feel the need to explain my no...

JupiterTaco
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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by JupiterTaco » Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:07 am

Anna wrote:
Thu Jun 14, 2018 11:19 am
A plain 'no' would sound rude to most of us, wouldn't it? I feel the need to explain my no...
Me too.
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

L-F
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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by L-F » Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:19 am

As long as you feel you are obligated to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain)... you are succumbing to passively allowing your N to dictate your choices for you [edited]

Totally! Another great article
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

L-F
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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by L-F » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:33 pm

Sadly, its the people that should be reading this, won't. Or at least if they do, won't recognize themselves. But that's narcs for you.
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

JohnDeux
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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by JohnDeux » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:31 pm

From the article: "In a conflict between what you owe someone else and what you owe yourself, you must come first. Nobody has the right to demand that you justify, argue, defend or explain yourself, no matter what they may believe. Only you have the right to decide if any of those things are appropriate to the situation and if you decide it is, then it nobody’s decision but yours to decide what and how much you say."

This sentiment is certainly the polar opposite of the way I was raised and what I witnessed in adults around me.....except when it came to their own kids. Then a parent had the right to say anything to them (and to withhold anything they wanted to) in the name of being "the parent" or "the adult", which itself speaks volumes. At any rate, I'm very much in the boat not only of feeling I need to justify myself and my decisions to others, but have chosen friends and a career path with whom and in which you are supposed to do the same as well. It's that morbid fear of "disappointing".... :-ss
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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Re: An excellent article on JADE

Post by TheMoon » Sat Jun 16, 2018 12:00 am

I found the article very interesting because, on some level, I think I knew it intuitively - or perhaps just from the bitter experiment that is life. So, for example, I learned many years ago that engaging in any follow up to my mother's oft voiced lament of "I don't understand you" would not end well because - well - she doesn't, and isn't willing to, or able to. I'm sure she continues to hope for some response to this that will serve her in some way or other, but I've got no idea what that may be, and would be unlikely to want to give it to her if I did. So my answer these days to "I don't understand you" is simply "I know." And there the conversation ends. Perfect. From my point of view, at least.
But there are still some things that I feel that I would have to explain, justify or defend - if I ever shared relevant details with her. So I don't. This was fine when I could live my life remotely from her, but now she is so dependent on me, it's much harder. So I'm restricting myself, and resenting her for that. I know this isn't right, but it's where I am.

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