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- Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:19 am
The LO now lives so far away, and we've been in diminished contact for so long, I realized, she might as well be a fictional cartoon character. So I've been saying to myself, whenever I start daydreaming about talking to her again (the usual form that the intrusive thoughts take— an elaborated fantasy of spending time together), "She's just a cartoon character. Your whole friendship with her was actually just a movie you watched. You've got reality to focus on and make better each day— snap out of it!"
Seriously — I'm thinking that since the intensity of our friendship (between me & the LO) is getting close to 7 years out of date, I might actually be able to convince my brain that this is what really happened.
The second thing that occurred to me was, "I'll bet psychologists have a name for this technique (since they have a name for every coping strategy under the sun) and the consensus is that it's grasping at straws."
RECLUDET PRATERITIS! <-- Current mantra / magic spell ("Quarantine the past!")
I used to have the worst intrusive thoughts about LO and they were the worst because they were almost constant and attached to them were many dark thoughts; I would introvert and start to question whether or not I was a bad person, a sane person, a broken messed up person who can't love normally. A guy who takes nothing serious, everything is a joke, why do you have to always be a dick? A realist? A fatalist? blah, blah, blah. You can't imagine what some of my ex's have told me, some very extraordinary allegations. Were a few of my ex's correct in telling me this? I realized it was just their opinion. Not everyone is going to understand you and if a few ex's didn't--there were many who did actually.
When you have strong character some people will hate you for it....and indeed that would suggest more about their personal issues that your own. Personally I prefer strong characters---even if they are a bit crazy; it's not boring. What I'm saying is that for me, the first step toward reducing the severity of intrusive thoughts was assessing the situation and confirming to myself that having a strong character doesn't necessarily mean that I'm bad person. One ex's mother compared me to Ted Hughes. Really? Ted Hughes, to me, seemed like a self-worshiping sociopath. I was insulted by this allegation of course. I would think that Sylvia was limerent for him btw---a very sad case of limerence. It would eat me up inside if I ever broke someone's heart intentionally and with such indifference. If I've hurt anyone's feelings it certainly wasn't intentional.
Ironically, it was my SO who clued me into the man I actually am, when I asked her why she loved me so unconditionally---she's the greatest, strongest woman I've ever known and what a shithead I am for falling limerent for an older, elitist, less honest and less sane woman. Couldn't help myself though. LO was kryptonite. But she started to lose her power when I started giving myself some credit. Not sure if there's a correlation there.
So, in summary I would say a great way to avoid intrusive thoughts is focusing on your good points---your healthy awesome points. Don't let some jive ass fools step on your self-esteem.
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