Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

The Casanova Complex

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Post Reply
yalegirl

The Casanova Complex

Post by yalegirl » Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:16 pm

The Casanova Complex is a book written in the 90's by a man named Peter Trachtenberg. I have read tons of other books on sex addiction. I even joined
Sex Addicts anon because I could not figure out the mind of men who act like this and wanted to, because that is my LO's deal. I pretended I was a sex addict, it was me and 40 miserable guys in a church basement. Very depressing. I stopped going after four months. The only funny moment of the whole masquerade was reading the Sex Addicts big book in the airport and realizing the stares I was getting.

It was my LO that got me hooked on finding the answer to sex and porn addiction, and while the many books I read were interesting I never felt they led me to the answer I was looking for. This book did because it breaks down the notion of being a playboy, a player, a sex addict, a pussy hound (whatever) into very precise identifiable sub sets. It has less to do with the why (of course all of us have the big wound) and more to do with the distinct and actual behaviors. How as "Casanovas" they act out, there are about 7 categories in all. My LO is "a juggler" which is truly the way he behaves. Jugglers are probably the worst of the bunch, totally cold and cruel and the ones that always have a harem of women and men who they play off against each other. My LO is a total control freak, nothing gets past him, everything is manipulated to the sole purpose of making him Godlike.

What is sad is that I realize the very stuff that forged him into a high level military operative also stripped him of his soul. He was taught to win at all costs, to be brutal and do whatever the job required. Being one of the top guys for 18 years in Afghanistan and Iraq must have been beyond hideous. There was no room for emotions and the only allowable love was the allegiance to his fellow warriors.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3194
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: The Casanova Complex

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:19 pm

That is sad. I always wondered how it was done, to switch gears from going and fighting and killing enemies in a war, to going home, raising a family, being a loving person, etc. Probably a lot of our troops then and now had to figure that out.
"God grant me the serenity, to just remember who I am"-Games People Play by Joe South

JohnDeux
Posts: 1785
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: The Casanova Complex

Post by JohnDeux » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:21 am

yalegirl wrote:
Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:16 pm
The Casanova Complex is a book written in the 90's by a man named Peter Trachtenberg. I have read tons of other books on sex addiction. I even joined
Sex Addicts anon because I could not figure out the mind of men who act like this and wanted to, because that is my LO's deal. I pretended I was a sex addict, it was me and 40 miserable guys in a church basement. Very depressing. I stopped going after four months. The only funny moment of the whole masquerade was reading the Sex Addicts big book in the airport and realizing the stares I was getting.

It was my LO that got me hooked on finding the answer to sex and porn addiction, and while the many books I read were interesting I never felt they led me to the answer I was looking for. This book did because it breaks down the notion of being a playboy, a player, a sex addict, a pussy hound (whatever) into very precise identifiable sub sets. It has less to do with the why (of course all of us have the big wound) and more to do with the distinct and actual behaviors. How as "Casanovas" they act out, there are about 7 categories in all. My LO is "a juggler" which is truly the way he behaves. Jugglers are probably the worst of the bunch, totally cold and cruel and the ones that always have a harem of women and men who they play off against each other. My LO is a total control freak, nothing gets past him, everything is manipulated to the sole purpose of making him Godlike.

What is sad is that I realize the very stuff that forged him into a high level military operative also stripped him of his soul. He was taught to win at all costs, to be brutal and do whatever the job required. Being one of the top guys for 18 years in Afghanistan and Iraq must have been beyond hideous. There was no room for emotions and the only allowable love was the allegiance to his fellow warriors.
yalegirl, perhaps I missed it in an earlier thread, but outside of the SA meetings as a search for why certain guys are like this, has any of your musing led you to why you are attracted to this sort of male? If you already explored that in a different thread, please just direct me to that. Thanks....hope you are able to figure out the magnetism that you have towards this type of personality.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

Anna
Posts: 301
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: The Casanova Complex

Post by Anna » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:41 am

I read that book sometime last year and posted about it in the book-club section of the forum
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=69&t=2830

JD already said the right thing> question yourself why this is such a big subject in your life.....

MIRABEE
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:42 am
Gender:
Guyana

Re: The Casanova Complex

Post by MIRABEE » Wed Jun 13, 2018 9:33 am

Well, you may find me shallow, but I can totally imagine our attraction to these types is purely hormonal. I don't think all our behaviors are explained by past experiences. We are animals after all, and we often belittle the significance of our evolutionary drive.

Men who are able to pull off this Casanova-behavior are generally good-looking and/or in a high social status. We are subconsciously attracted to whoever seems genetically superior to us, and it only makes sense that women scramble to get with these men. Of course, we might know better on a rational level, but limerence has little to do with rationality. We just perceive them as perfect mating material. That's my theory anyhow...

Then again, obviously we don't become limerent over every single high-status/good-looking male, so maybe the other factors come into play while choosing our particular LO.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3194
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: The Casanova Complex

Post by JupiterTaco » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:24 pm

MIRABEE wrote:
Wed Jun 13, 2018 9:33 am
Well, you may find me shallow, but I can totally imagine our attraction to these types is purely hormonal. I don't think all our behaviors are explained by past experiences. We are animals after all, and we often belittle the significance of our evolutionary drive.

Men who are able to pull off this Casanova-behavior are generally good-looking and/or in a high social status. We are subconsciously attracted to whoever seems genetically superior to us, and it only makes sense that women scramble to get with these men. Of course, we might know better on a rational level, but limerence has little to do with rationality. We just perceive them as perfect mating material. That's my theory anyhow...

Then again, obviously we don't become limerent over every single high-status/good-looking male, so maybe the other factors come into play while choosing our particular LO.
With me, it's definitely a specific type of personality.
"God grant me the serenity, to just remember who I am"-Games People Play by Joe South

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests