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Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
L-F
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Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by L-F » Sat May 12, 2018 8:44 pm

Don't.
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

Charm
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by Charm » Sat May 12, 2018 9:07 pm

Sorry im relatively new here but can say why as i have had that exact thought/fantasy lately and its affecting my mental state and my relation with DH
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 2x
LE is now over - fingers crossed!

Sara72
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by Sara72 » Sat May 12, 2018 9:33 pm

I agree with L-F.
For 2 months I kept saying no to LO. Then I gave in. I had a full on affair with LO and in hindsight I am appalled at how I behaved back then. I was a junkie on a permanent high until he got bored with me and dumped me. It consumed me and my last bit of common sense went out the window. It has also prolonged the healing.
So... Don't do it.
F, 46
LO, M, 41
There is liberation in a single acceptance

L-F
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by L-F » Sat May 12, 2018 10:27 pm

A really short logical reason: men in particular use women to fulfill their sexual needs. Dump and run once these needs are met then go on to the next victim.

Women fall for it everytime. And often think they are 'special' which is true, they feel special but arn't. Going back to cavemen days, its the thrill of the hunt but once the hunt is over and they had their fill. Goodbye bit on the side, more so if she has attachment issues.

Its common sense really. Have an EA or PA and you will hurt those around you and be hurt by it and everything else that follows.

By all means. Try it out for yourself. My father once told me, the very smart cookies in life learn from the mistake of others. Perhaps put out a poll to see who exactly has run off with their LO and lived happy ever after?

Its more of a fantasy than a reality. Not running off to have an affair points to emotional intelligence.

Many limerents grew up in a household of emotional abuse (without realising it) and as a result are emotionally stunted. This is a good thread which helps to uncover some of the abuse we mayhave suffered

http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=68&t=897

And when we feel like reaching out to LO what we are doing is trying to fill the emotional holes left behind from our childhood. Which means, using LO to heal daddy issues. More so if he is older and comforting.

The same goes for men (actually gender doesn't matter), the point is, going in for a do-over. Having LO provide emotional nourishment that we so desperately need. BUT...

This can only come from one person. Ourselves. And. Its called. Heavy lifting.
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

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Lim
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by Lim » Sat May 12, 2018 10:55 pm

So true, L-F, especially the last thing you posted.

LO is over 30 years older than me and is gentle and caring. For me, it is ALL about emotional nourishment. I honestly don't want to have sex with him (or anyone right now for that matter) but I probably WOULD have sex if that's what it took to get his attention.

For him, 30 years older and married, it is surely ALL about sex. And on some level I know this. Why else do I care so much about showing off my curves around him? I'm not looking for sex, so why do I spend so much time looking good for him? I think I'm just desperate for his attention and if I can't get it with my personality and brain I will resort to my body.

Ugh, this is so awful and cliche and un-feminist...
I’m a 21 year old female (single).
My LO is a 54 year old male (married w/ kids).

L-F
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by L-F » Sat May 12, 2018 11:40 pm

Good on you Lim for being so upfront. At least you can see it for what it is... though we all know that doesn't stop those feelings of need. That's the tricky part to overcome, but still, awareness is a start.

Good to see you back Lim :ymhug:
A first date question: "how aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions, and tell me how you are actively working to heal them before you project that shit on me?"

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Spinnaker
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by Spinnaker » Sun May 13, 2018 7:45 am

"And when we feel like reaching out to LO what we are doing is trying to fill the emotional holes left behind from our childhood. Which means, using LO to heal daddy issues. More so if he is older and comforting.

The same goes for men (actually gender doesn't matter), the point is, going in for a do-over. Having LO provide emotional nourishment that we so desperately need. BUT...


This can only come from one person. Ourselves. And. Its called. Heavy lifting."

Yes! And when the dust settles, we finally love ourselves!

I recall saying "LO is everything I am not." Yes, he had/has qualities I strive to attain and may never match but many of those qualities were there already inside of me. They were aspects of myself I knew deep down I needed to come to fruition. It's all unconscious. In otgwr words, the missing pieces I wanted and believed I needed to feel complete I saw in LO but they were in me all along. So much of limerence is projection. Look closely at LO. You will see yourself in them and vice versa.

Now that could mean we really want to make love with ourselves. :-? That part is where I'm lost. Need the experts to explain my crazy logic there... :-B

mamasita
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by mamasita » Mon May 14, 2018 2:52 pm

Thank you for the reminder. :ymhug:

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CrushedSO
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by CrushedSO » Mon May 14, 2018 3:09 pm

L-F wrote:
Sat May 12, 2018 8:44 pm
Don't.
I agree. It’s a terrible idea.

MrSpock
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Re: Advice for those considering having an EA or PA or running off with LO to live happy ever after

Post by MrSpock » Mon May 14, 2018 10:23 pm

And if you're not convinced.... play this one every morning :)


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