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What if it is true love?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Charm
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What if it is true love?

Post by Charm » Sat May 12, 2018 2:48 pm

Im starting to question everything
SO is annoying me
Fantasizing about how great life would be with LO - they are so different
SO is loud vocal opinionated
LO is quiet gentle calm
He is on a family vacation right now and yet texts me daily with “love you’s” “miss you’s” and it just melts me
He is in an unhappy marriage
Wife cheated on him but he cannot leave as he says because he will not be able to handlebthe emotional and physical nuclear blow up (he is 62)
We will see each other when he returns and I cant wait to hold him and kiss him
I havent felt that with SO in ages
Yes I know this is all new exciting etc for a married woman in her late 40’s but its like I feel if I dont pursue LO more and more I risk the possibility of losing the love of my life
What if this is true love and not limerence?
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed
LE is now 8 months

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David
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Re: What if it is true love?

Post by David » Sat May 12, 2018 3:12 pm

Suggest you read this thread on healthy versus unhealthy love

http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.ph ... ove#p42730

Chances are if you are here, its unhealthy love.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

Charm
Posts: 132
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by Charm » Sat May 12, 2018 8:53 pm

David wrote:
Sat May 12, 2018 3:12 pm
Suggest you read this thread on healthy versus unhealthy love

http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.ph ... ove#p42730

Chances are if you are here, its unhealthy love.
Thank you David
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed
LE is now 8 months

marko
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by marko » Mon May 21, 2018 8:11 pm

Regardless of love, one component of going LE is that our SO's are less than stellar than our LOs. They are exciting and new and opposite of our daily humdrum. I bet their SO could point out a few things :D . You are also in the magic buzz stage--it all feels like love, and like a love you never had before. The confusing part is that parts of that may also be true. However, your knight in shining armor is on a family vacation texting you, he sounds like a scum bag as well. I point this out as your perspective is what is making him something he might not be. lE isn't love, but can warp anything to make it so. Don't let that be an attack, but really ask yourself why you want something impossible to be true. It's even worse for you with that reciprocation to sort out what is true. I have to swallow mine every day, in :x with an engaged 29 yr old, how dumb to carry on, but I do--a bit.

Again, this isn't an attack, I know the pull of this better alternative. Some of it fake some of it real. Love or not, the fact he will not leave his wife makes it unhealthy in many ways for you. Sorry your in this spot, I'm a lifer and lived many aspects of this and just offer some direction in the journey.

LostAgain
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Re: What if it is true love?

Post by LostAgain » Mon May 21, 2018 10:22 pm

Yes Marko,our LO's are exciting and mysterious in comparison to our SO's.
Sometimes it seems to be because their is an insurmountable gulf with our SO.
Sometimes,as with me,it seems to come down to an inability to grow together in a relationship.
Always,as L-F will keep reminding us,it is because there is shit we need to grow through by 'heavy lifting'.
Once you have done the adolescent bit of partying and imbibing whatever happens to be your 'hit' of choice, then it all gets a bit more difficult(unless you can stay in a state of perpetual adolescence.)

But hey,that's just me talking shit before going to bed.

Charm
Posts: 132
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by Charm » Tue May 22, 2018 1:19 am

Marko you are right but i just keep telling myself that he is a man scorned by his wife as she cheated on him and he never cheated on her
So i came along and filled a void for him
The reason why i asked my post question what if its really love is because would you agree that in relationships you may grow apart or in different directions? so yes part of it may be limerence but could there be a part where this man really is what I want as a partner for the next 20 years of my life - does it always have to be a fog that we’re in??
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed
LE is now 8 months

L-F
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United States of America

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by L-F » Tue May 22, 2018 2:09 am

Charm wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 1:19 am
does it always have to be a fog that we’re in??
Not at all! The question would be 'what's stopping you from being together?'

Barriers?

What's stopping both of you overcoming these barriers?

How are you working together to overcome these barriers?
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

Charm
Posts: 132
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by Charm » Tue May 22, 2018 5:11 pm

L-F wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 2:09 am
Charm wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 1:19 am
does it always have to be a fog that we’re in??
Not at all! The question would be 'what's stopping you from being together?'

Barriers?

What's stopping both of you overcoming these barriers?

How are you working together to overcome these barriers?
Short answer - he is married as am I and he has made it clear he doesnt want to disrupt his life at this stage (30 years with with wife) because and I quote “it will kill me” - I on the other hand am also married but so deep in limerence that I am willing to give up everything (yes very wrong and immoral of me) to have whatever life I have left to be with him. So tyipical in LE one person is very deep and the other not so much
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed
LE is now 8 months

MrSpock
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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Argentina

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by MrSpock » Tue May 22, 2018 6:58 pm

Charm wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 5:11 pm
I am willing to give up everything (yes very wrong and immoral of me) to have whatever life I have left to be with him.
inmoral, may be... but wrong, yes, not because it says so in some ethics textbook, but because it will ruin your life, pretty much kill you, and for nothing.

There was a time when I had to fight back the idea of giving everything up for LO, so I'm sure I know exactly how you feel. I think we all do.

But don't listen to the thoughts in your head. Don't let yourself be lead on (to your destruction) by the gleaming story that plays out in front of you. Instead, use you own (inner) voice and speak to yourself the right story (the one in which you DO NOT NEED HIM).

marko
Posts: 1288
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: What if it is true love?

Post by marko » Tue May 22, 2018 7:48 pm

Charm wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 1:19 am
Marko you are right but i just keep telling myself that he is a man scorned by his wife as she cheated on him and he never cheated on her
So i came along and filled a void for him
The reason why i asked my post question what if its really love is because would you agree that in relationships you may grow apart or in different directions? so yes part of it may be limerence but could there be a part where this man really is what I want as a partner for the next 20 years of my life - does it always have to be a fog that we’re in??
The part for me, and this part of the LE, is I incorrectly used my feelings when I married my wife so I built a shallow loveless marriage. Not sure I'd say LO, but at the time I let the emotion and escape of "relationship" and how it made me feel about myself, mistaking that for love--who knew, it was all I knew. She also just admitted that I was also an escape from her youthful bullying. So once the early buzz passed you just thought, I guess that's all there is. I don't see many happy couples, so we are just one of them. I did notice those who are hand in hand really enjoying each other and thought huh? So the LO, opposite of SO, displays a different personality, one that is bold, draws me out, calls me out, all the hand in hand qualities I can see and project--I want it all, I found the love I want. Because of age and life circumstances, I wanted it to be her, but also knew it couldn't. Common here as well.

So how does one carry on, as you, when it can't be. This powerlessness really confounds the problem. We are attempting to heal all the while jabbing ourselves with the blade. We are all at or have been where you are, this is not advice either. I'm a better role model for the fallen ;) . I only post to cause some thought, offer sympathy and to let you know you're not alone. I uncovered her I did this my whole life, it also plugged many bad decisions I've made and I've learned much. My queen LO is from 1983 only nuts 8-} can still briefly scheme a way she'll one day fall into my arms. I suppose as a nurse, I may have a heart attack while in Colorado, and upon seeing my perilous state, fall deathly ill into my arms--yah that's the ticket =)) Finally she's mine

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