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I messed up big time

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Posts: 52
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:03 pm

I messed up big time

Post by Nina » Fri May 11, 2018 8:12 pm

I feel down deep into the hole again. I swore I was over this. I currently have a SO that I love so much but I feel like there are things missing sometimes but the limerence really messes me up. I’m friends with someone I used to be a bit limerent for but not as extreme as other people but basically we’ve been closer but he’s going away soon and the other day he told me he loved me (but he did not like me at all when I was really limerent for him)but I tbh really don’t think he does love me and I really don’t think I do love him like that either but I really messed up. Sometimes old limerent feelings appear n I get feelings and urges and I accidentally acted on it. Yesterday was horrible tho I was extremely depressed, fought with SO, , and this old LO made me really .. seduced. And I did at first reject the kiss and said that I couldn’t but I eventually gave in which I shouldn’t have and I deeply regret. I cried immediately after. I don’t want to do this ever again and I feel horrible and I really cannot tell anyone. I just have to take this to my grave. I do feel a little relieved. I feel like I it wasn’t worth and I have to stop chasing some imaginary spark that doesn’t exist.. another funny this is my old LO Is friends with my current LO. Sometimes I feel like if it was my current LO I wouldn’t have hesitated at all and that’s horrible. I hate being this way. I wish I could just let go of the feeling and acknowledge it’s not real... it’s jusy hard being depressed with limerence bc I feel so empty and limerence really fills that void sometimes. I’m gonna try and work on things with my SO . I don’t think I could tell him ever tho.. I just really can’t. I just have to bury this and never let it happen again. I want to be with him forever and I know if we broke up it would be the biggest mistake of my life bc I really do love him. I just hate limerence bc it really screwed up my idea of love and what it’s supposed to feel like and be like. I have to let go of the feeling it’s just so hard

Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm

Re: I messed up big time

Post by Charm » Wed May 16, 2018 1:53 am

Nina I totally empathize - I love my SO in such a deep way after 30 years but LO satisfies a need in me that SO can’t simply because we are like siblings now. The passion btwn LO and me is undeniable and it is a very hard human emotion to ignore so don’t beat yourself up. I am definitely not one to give advice but I will say that I have simply compartmentalized my feelings for SO and the same for LO . Yes guilt creeps in daily but I am not prepared to let either go- sorry not much help :ymhug:
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

Posts: 1350
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: I messed up big time

Post by marko » Wed May 16, 2018 6:43 pm

Somethings need to go to the grave. Use it as all of this and really uncover that sadness deep inside. Can you be sure you won't do it again? This escape is tough as you escape self and those around you. As you sift through it's like a rollercoaster, so don't be surprised by these bad moments. Thank you for sharing as I come from a no love situation. Try thinking in terms of addiction and getting past vs over.

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