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NC -- Thoughts

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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AMA210
Posts: 1900
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 6:38 pm

No comment, seriously, none for today, :ymdaydream: @-) B-)
Perhaps another day....need to process...staying in my power, being tested
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

Acrobatica
Posts: 403
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by Acrobatica » Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:39 pm

Sending you power!

AMA210
Posts: 1900
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:13 pm

I need to change the title of this thread....seriously. ;)

My speculation is that LO has another job 3 days a week or his SO leaves to be at her job across the border. A quick search listed a new address for her. Damn interesting shit.

So, last Thursday, I am on my way for errands. I pull up to the 4 way stop and there is LO, sitting in a chair, talking to a volunteer--lovely man with stark white hair, full of wisdom and experience no doubt. Just sitting there with fresh haircut, those khaki pants, his legs apart... :p .....I was very surprised, as I have never seen him there and never in a chair. I passed him. I started seeing road closure signs ahead and didn't want to take the detour, so I just turned around. I passed him again, and this time he was standing up. I am hot flashing by now. Overall, I was ok, but it struck me as funny that he looked to be "on display". I went on my way and didn't continue driving by, which I would have done in the past. Again, it was so easy for me to stop, but I didn't. What good would that have done? Oh yeah, let me set myself up to be rejected again. No thanks.

I stopped at a nearby Walgreens and was walking back to my car and I heard a woman say "you are so beautiful. I love you". In the past, I would have just walked away, but I said "thank you". I realized that there was a dog in the car next to me, and she was obviously saying this to the dog. It was weird though because typically if someone says something like that, it makes me uncomfortable, as in "I don't think I am good enough to be called beautiful and I am truly not worthy of such a compliment."

A few hours later, I was a bit giggly. 8-}
Not high and not obsessed. Still attracted as hell though.

The next day, Friday, in the morning, we passed each other several blocks away from school. I was like, seriously? Later in the afternoon, he was in the truck at the 4 way and I smiled at him and I'm pretty sure he smiled back. Dammit to hell that man.

More to learn here.
No extreme reactions.
Stood my ground.
Noticeable changes in my reaction and behavior.
Moving forward..... :D
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

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FreeBird
Posts: 473
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by FreeBird » Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:54 am

I look always forward to your reading updates, AMA. I celebrate your victories along the way and the insights you glean from them.

Onward and upward %%-

AMA210
Posts: 1900
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:52 am

FreeBird wrote:
Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:54 am
I look always forward to your reading updates, AMA. I celebrate your victories along the way and the insights you glean from them.

Onward and upward %%-
Thank you. I am curious if you really like shamrocks or if you have a bit of Irish in ya. :)
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 473
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by FreeBird » Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:59 am

I used the shamrock to send you Good Luck ;)
Ethnically I'm a mutt so, who knows? :-??

AMA210
Posts: 1900
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Wed Jun 20, 2018 2:01 pm

FreeBird wrote:
Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:59 am
I used the shamrock to send you Good Luck ;)
Ethnically I'm a mutt so, who knows? :-??
I appreciate it. Since "the LO" is an Irish lad, my brain assumed you were as well, which is why I had to check.
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

cheena
Posts: 77
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:32 am

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by cheena » Mon Jul 09, 2018 8:07 am

Good luck AMA and stay strong! After reading your posts in this thread I realize we both are in the same boat. Your posts give me strength as I am doing the heavy lifting each and every day for the past three years atleast if not more. NC efforts are working but not 100% possible as I live in the same block as him and can see him from my kitchen balcony in the car park lot often during the day..my efforts of not peeping out have been successful to some extent only...still try to catch a glimpse once in a while.

The worse part is that he seems to be never giving up on me..trying hard to have encounters..driving out, driving in quite frequently, which I thwart often by changing my timings and lucky to be working as freelancer with flexible timings.

It has been a cat and mouse game between us all this while. We have a silent connection and seem to understand each other's feelings for us. He even uses the reward game to reward me when I happen to smile briefly or give him some apparent positive reciprocation no matter how small or negligible it might be. Any response of mine(during the mute encounters), he translates to positive feelings and shows it by rewarding me by giving me attention sooner or later within the next couple of days. So this cycle has been going on and on and on. Recently, I even told my husband that this guy has been stalking me and that I am strangely feeling attracted to him. My husband did feel shaken but put up a brave front all this while appearing unperturbed. He finally got to take action when we both happen to bump into him(could be intentional on his part) in the lift while returning from walk four months back. SO ignored him completely in the lift to which LO looked surprised and later told his daughter to send message to my daughter as to why her dad ignored him. He even stalked SO on another night when he was alone and greeted him to which SO was forced to mildly response with a hi!

After this, it was time for him to lie low as his wife and children had school holidays and month long fasting period. I knew he would as always. But somewhere I was thinking that may be this time he had seriously retreated and moved on. So the next three months were a total bliss and peace for me during which I even went on a long holiday trip with my family. After coming back, I got a lunch invite with my family from his wife. I was never pissed off with him and so decided to show up thinking that if I dont, his wife might suspect and that LO appeared to have moved on due to starvation from my side. SO didnt join me as he was sick that day and I attended with my daughter. He was the perfect gentleman out there showing no signs of his obsession whatsoever. After coming back, I cried for days and still crying on and off as its been 8 days since that. I am on the other hand feeling relieved that it is probably over and that SO's action has helped to diffuse the situation. I even posted some of my holidays pics on social media but now I think I made a mistake. looks like LO is back again in the chase..first sign..last night he parked his car at the lot where SO parks. Now that his wife and kids are back to school, he is right there..living few floors down..in my block. driving in at odd hours..and at my gym hour(so can spot me in the gym) etc. Gosh!! will this ever be over..! My married life is at stake now..my SO is not that romantic and I crave for his hug, his sweet talks etc but he is the practical person who doesnt ever pamper me or show his affection physically. We do behave responsibly towards our duties and try to have sex once in a week and live a very disciplined, hard working life where there is no place for wasting time in flirting, sweet talks, hugs etc. Even if I ask him, he says he cant as he got no habit for it. Hope I have narrated enough to explain my tough situation. Pls read my other recent threads..in Long term relationship topics..if not.

Any advise will be more than appreciated..this is my charging station and I feel fortunate to be part of this grp.

cheena
Posts: 77
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:32 am

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by cheena » Mon Jul 09, 2018 8:20 am

In order not to mislead, I would further like to add that SO has shown signs of some transformation by taking me out for dinner & drinks all alone...just the two of us and does manage to have some positive talks..though he is not the very talking type. I can see that he is trying hard to change himself for the sake of our relationship (after this disclosure about LO). But he has his own limits and I guess my wounds are still there though the healing has happened very superficially in the last few months. He now thinks that LO has moved on and so my worry is that he might come back to his old self, the practical, egoistic person that he is..with not much room for romance. When I catch LO offguard, I feel an immense sense of pleasure and cant help smiling at him and feeling delighted. Can I be healed from this wound ever ?

AMA210
Posts: 1900
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 12:49 pm

This is an example of absolute progress...yesterday while driving, i must have passed some flowers, like jasmine, because the very sweet scent came into the car. This reminded me of when I met LO and we would stand, talk and be really close to each other. It was complete sweetness. Then I started crying. When I got home, I reviewed what had happened. A scent triggered a memory, which led to an emotion, which I expressed.

Now, in my limerent days, this would have resulted in losing the entire day because I would continue to cry and think about LO. Nothing would get done, period.

I made a conscious decision not to do that and just continue with my day. :ymparty: :ymparty: :D
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

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