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Disclosure to LO

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Disclosure to LO

1 time
8
11%
2 times
3
4%
3 times
3
4%
4 times
1
1%
5 times
0
No votes
6 times
2
3%
More than 6 times
4
5%
How did you disclose?
1
1%
Conversation
12
16%
Letter/Note
5
7%
Email/Text
9
12%
Other
0
No votes
Do you regret disclosing?
1
1%
Yes
6
8%
No
13
18%
I don't know
5
7%
 
Total votes: 73

User avatar
french girl
Posts: 284
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm

Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by french girl » Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:17 pm

Cookie wrote:
Mon Oct 30, 2017 12:44 pm
Looking back and examining this, it was all ridiculously adolescent! This type of communication is what 15-year-olds do, not 50-somethings.
I think it's part of the charm of limerence...
We can't go back in time, but when we're limerent, it feels totally as if we are fifteen or younger...
I remember someone posted a funny message about how limerent people or children in love can attach meaning to the slightest sign, the littlest interactions... "I think he's looking towards me...". "He almost brushed my hand..."
Of course, it's ridiculous... But going back to shy interactions, at least we feel fifteen again.
Maybe some people feel embarrassed because they think it's immature, but personally, I can't resist the charm of it...

Cookie
Posts: 543
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by Cookie » Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:26 pm

french girl wrote:
Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:17 pm
Maybe some people feel embarrassed because they think it's immature, but personally, I can't resist the charm of it...
That "charm" though...it's what fakes us into thinking there are feelings.
Female, age 53
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 or so LOs in the last 25 years
...all reciprocated (don't wish for it)
Getting better and owning my life again!

AMA210
Posts: 1923
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Mon Oct 30, 2017 2:57 pm

I didn't have the typical adolescent boy experience because I went to an all girls private school. My first kiss was at age 17, after I graduated.

So, in many ways, this LE was the first time I experienced that. LO had a major event occur that changed his life at 15, so he might have been cut off from that girl experience. So many parallels to each other.
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

Katrulz
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:32 pm
Gender:
Australia

Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by Katrulz » Tue Jan 08, 2019 8:58 pm

My first disclosure had no effect on our relationship. At the time, I'd gone on and off NC for 5yrs and told him at the 5th year. He was unsurprised, looked into limerence, gave some advice and our relationship remained the same. Reason? He's twice my age, intelligent and mature.

My second disclosure caused the asshole to seek the erotic so I went full NC. Reason? He's a immature tween.

My third disclosure resulted in the LO asking how it'd get worse over time and what effect that would have on him. He looked up limerence, saw the duration and rejoiced and then asked if I (a married woman) wanted reciprication as wikipedia said that I would. Reason? He's a narcissistic sociopath.

I'd say disclosing depends on the maturity, married status, and psychological state of the LO. If they're young, unmarried or narcissistic - don't do it. If they're old and married, perhaps they'll be mature enough to think things through and either say yea or nay.

Remember, limerence can evolve into full love (like it did for me), but it's also based on fantasy and most often fleeting with reciprocation. If you're seeking to disclose, make sure they are mature and know the risks of a relationship with you.
Married Female Age 32.
Multiple LO's since primary school ending with reciprication, transference, starvation and burnout.
Started NC 10/12/18 with last platonic LO.

MrSpock
Posts: 762
Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Gender:
Argentina

Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by MrSpock » Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:19 pm

I think I missed this thread before, but I found it just in time.

Each and every time I had the urge to disclose to LO, I figured that in the end I just want to see, or rather confirm, that she reciprocates. All the excuses about seeking closure, etc.. are nonsense.

But the urge comes and go. Last night I seem to have had a brain fart :)), or whatever it was that got me to think about it seriously.

Thing is I was thinking on what else can I do to get her off my head. Then I recalled that in the past, knowing for a fact, like in your face, that there was no reciprocation, got me really started on the path of letting go. Even with current simultaneous LO2, the pull is fading away very very rapidly because I can absolutely tell that she doesn't want me like that (and I didn't need to say a thing to her, I can just tell from the detailed microanalysis we put LOs under).
With LO1 is the opposite.. I'm positive she wanted me at least before we went NC for several months. But, because there's been several months of NC, the way she looked at me a few weeks ago when we did meet can perfectly be explained as nothing but the ashes of an old extinguished flame. So I thought: by far the chances are whatever she felt about me is gone now, so if I can just know that, I can close the chapter.
But... how do I get to know such a thing, how do I get it from her that she has no interest? by disclosing.

I knew that directly talking to her was a very bad idea... we don't have any relationship that allows for that (we don't talk to each other outside the TKD class we used to share), but, she has a friend, the boy that brought her into the TKD class, whom I can reach out easily for we used to be TKD classmates (he dropped though, even before she joined).
So I thought: maybe I can talk to him, and come up with whatever story that involves him asking her what she feels about me.

Fortunately, this morning the oxygen finally made it to my head and now I can see how that is a terrible idea, on so many fronts and for so many reasons. #-o

The most significant of all the reason is that I'm just lying to myself, big time, if I think I want to hear that she doesn't want me. That is the exact opposite of what I want to know. So, what would happen if I get "the wrong answer"? that instead of having a reason to close the last chapter, I'll have a reason to open the first page wide open and finally screw everything up for good.

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