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What Are Your FLEAS?

Discuss your experiences about narcissism and relationships with narcissists here.
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Re: What Are Your FLEAS?

Post by MrSpock » Tue May 15, 2018 5:09 pm

On the one hand, a virtue I have is that I can forgive absolutely everything that is not a very direct aggression. Like, you can smash my car, or leave my cellphone on a bar and walk away, and I'll be absolutely OK. But, it comes with a very high price: I get seriously annoyed if I do something like that and you get upset. Like if I smash your car, and you get upset, you're in for a fight. Only lately I'm learning that people do get mad whether you screw on purpose or not, and try to be understanding.

And if you get mad at me for something I didn't do, or did with a justification, is WAR.

With my kids I snap if they disobey. I'm much, much better now, but when they were small (say 5 or 6), I used to go as far as pulling their hair if they got in a tantrum for resisting to do as I told. It doesn't help that they totally ignore my wife and each time she needs them to do something, she sends them to me. She has zero authority and I need to fight down the Sargent within me (which is a direct reflection of my sort-of father)

Something that got me into almost every fight with my wife, is that if you get into an argument with me, there are only two possible outcomes: either I win, or you loose :)
It took me many years of work to learn that is better to be right than happy... wait! I said that backwards! OK, "better to be happy than right" :)

I'm quite awkwardly social: I love being with people... for a while. I'm mostly alone (in fact I work home alone), and as far as I'm alone most of the day, I can and really do enjoy being with other people, but only if it is not for too long. For instance, every Friday night I go play volleyball and it is the interaction with the others I love the most, in fact the very reason for doing it... but, when the class is over, I got and have dinner on my own on a restaurant nearby, and I would totally hate if any of them would want to join me. In fact if anyone would ask me I would say no and go eat at home.

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Re: What Are Your FLEAS?

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue May 15, 2018 5:19 pm

Thanks for sharing, MrSpock!
"If we forgive our fathers, what is left?" Thomas Builds The Fire, Smoke Signals

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Re: What Are Your FLEAS?

Post by Lim » Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:58 pm

Laziness, lateness, disorganization
High tolerance for extreme messiness
craving for attention but difficulty asking for it
Need to look good when in public or else depressed (a lot of self worth comes from appearance)
Perfectionist in school/work/appearance
being occasionally dramatic/hyper/seductive to get male attention
Interrupting people and needing to be center of attention sometimes
Avoiding, ghosting people other times
Sometimes Shutting down emotionally when others share their problems with me b/c I feel too overwhelmed with my own pain (very selfish I know!)
Self-harmed in high school to get attention
People pleaser
Teacher's pet syndrome
stealing from friends and shoplifting small things without guilt
Lying to avoid punishment, confrontation

Basically I'm a monster!
Last edited by Lim on Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:08 am, edited 4 times in total.
I’m a 21 year old female (single).
My LO is a 54 year old male (married w/ kids).

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Re: What Are Your FLEAS?

Post by townshend » Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:49 pm

Feeling guilty about everything all the time
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

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Re: What Are Your FLEAS?

Post by L-F » Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:46 am

Making my poor husband change the way he folded towels. His mother folded them differently to me and I was having noone of that [-x
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

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