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More onto what i'm concerned about, as I am sure that many of those who have disclosed to their LO's, the LO responded positively/was understanding of the situation which is a sign of reciprocation i'd imagine. I am aware this is bad as well as good, in my case the LO actually offered if they want to talk/be friends, considering this whole battle against limerence, I had to respectively decline at the time as it was not a good idea.
At the moment I am not too sure what to do, In my head I feel that there is the possibility of us actually being friends and it could work with no going beyond more than the friend margin, I think this might be possible considering they understand the situation of limerence but am I kidding myself? It's so frustrating to have an LO who is actually a really nice and decent person in reality as well as fantasy. Could perhaps getting to know the LO destroy the limerence, taking away our fantasy perception of them?
Any advice or even experiences might help, I just want to know if it's worth giving it a shot and what signs took look out for of whether we can truly be friends or if I'm falling into the abyss of limerence again despite how far I've come.
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At the moment I am not too sure what to do, In my head I feel that there is the possibility of us actually being friends and it could work with no going beyond more than the friend margin, I think this might be possible considering they understand the situation of limerence but am I kidding myself? It's so frustrating to have an LO who is actually a really nice and decent person in reality as well as fantasy. Could perhaps getting to know the LO destroy the limerence, taking away our fantasy perception of them?"
I did FD to my LO. At the time, I didn't know that I was in limerance so that part was not in the conversation. Although IMO, i do not think that someone who is not limerant can fully understand what it's like. It's hard to explain in the first place, but to someone who hasn't had an LE, it's almost impossible to fully understand.
LO offered to be friends also and that we could talk anytime and that it won't be weird between us. I told him that I would have to think about it because I didn't know if you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex when both of you are married to other people. As it turns out, not possible when one friend develops feelings.
Also IMO once the limerance takes hold of you, I think it's very hard to get to know them as a real person because the fantasy parts that that are in your mind remain there. Our perception of them will always be coming from the limerant brain.
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I would have assumed most if not all, LOs are actually really nice and decent people.
Im not sure if being friends is a good idea (unless you have a handle on limerence), though it's nice to read about an LO willing to provide support. Something that I feel could be a golden opportunity to delve deeper into what limerence is about.
Gosh what a double-edged sword.
"Could perhaps getting to know the LO destroy the limerence, taking away our fantasy perception of them?" I highly doubt it. Keep in mind LO is the trigger to 'something else'. Find the answer and it's likely you can view LO through new eyes.
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I really feel for you about being just friends with the LO. I would say that is a big no. Don't do it. The lack of romantic reciprocation will eventually drive you mad the closer you get to her as a friend. Your mind will keep pushing the bar and want her to be closer and closer and at some point you're going to hit a wall and it's going to hurt like hell. I can understand being addicted to that person's company but it's a dead end street if it's just a friendship, plus it will stunt your growth regarding your other romantic endeavors if you remain limerent over someone you can't have for a longer period of time.
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I met LO when we were in a play together. I told her I liked her before I knew what LE is; then, when I did understand, I told her that, too. She was sympathetic, understood, had been through similar stuff herself in the past. When the play was done, I told her I probably shouldn't stay in touch with her. She protested, saying her best friend was a guy and they were fine. In the end, though, I asked her -- "Your best friend -- or any guy friend -- are they someone you're really attracted to and would really like to be with?" "No..." "Then you understand my problem." She laughed -- I think she really got it at that point. She respected that I knew what I was feeling and what I needed to do. (And yeah, that does make it harder.)
The thing is -- I was eventually able to deal with it during the play, because we just happened to be in the same place together. But if she MADE A POINT of hanging out with me or even being in touch with me, I would totally read more into that. I still don't know if I'm ready. Maybe in a few more months. I have to know I won't hope for something more.
So --- Can you be friends? Only you know that. You have to be REALLY HONEST with yourself. I would suggest that if you're questioning whether you're okay, then you're probably not. Even if you are sure, double check -- remember that LE will trick you, make you think you're okay, because it wants that dopamine fix.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
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