I'm limerent for a best friend (realistically not a suitable match romantically but wonderful to have as a best friend). I have a long term partner (who is an amazing person and great match for me), a couple of other best friends, a successful career, safe place to live and many acquaintances to call upon, but somehow still I feel a deep loneliness at times when me & LO are not super intertwined. It's near-impossible for me to cut her off, as she's a best friend who I care about deeply and she cares for me. In fact she's alluded to feeling empty around friends that are not me, which doesn't help the situation. In fact, I think she has romantic feelings too, but regardless I know that we wouldn't be a good match for several reasons, but especially since I feel so strongly towards her and I don't want to be an obsessive partner, which is no doubt what would happen. At this distance I'm pretty good at keeping my cool and not giving away any signs that I see her as more than a friend. I think I'm very good at reading people and also good at keeping my cards to myself.
The ups & downs of limerence is crazy! When we hang out it's euphoric. I've had tough times with family & life in general, and all of that melts away when we're together. It's bliss, we laugh, have fun, are open, affectionate, often say the same things at the same times, it's actually bizarre how often that happens. When we're texting throughout the day, I get excited when her name pops up. When it's another best friend, I almost feel disappointed - then I feel like a bad person for feeling that way
When LO has a random mood swing or does something insensitive it knocks me for 6 - I feel unreasonably hurt and withdraw. I say unreasonable because I know it wouldn't be the same level of hurt as with another friend. I then think about how much easier it would be to just cut her out completely. Then she (unknowingly) love bombs me with barrages of messages and I'm sucked back in to that high. I laugh at the absurdity of it sometimes and how ridiculous the whole situation is, but also laugh at how much I enjoy it. When she shows love for me, it's very heartfelt and we've had very tender moments that felt like scenes from a movie. I replay these often. Sometimes I wake in the night kissing my partner's shoulder imagining it's her until I wake up properly and realise. Then give my partner a big cuddle because I feel like a terrible person for thinking that. I often find myself wishing I was hanging out with LO when I hang out with my other best friends (who I've known for much longer), then feel like a horrible person again for thinking that and for questioning my level of platonic love for them too.I started to feel limerence towards another new friend recently - someone who I'm not particularly close to and don't really know. They remind me of LO. I check often to see if they're viewing my snapchat story and get a buzz if they are. I read into signs that they might potentially like me back, small interactions in pictures & videos. I know it's ridiculous and laugh at myself, but enjoy the thrill all the same. This LO feels less risk to me and just like a bit of fun, as we're not close and our interactions are limited. My best friend LO is a lot more dangerous as I'm very vulnerable to them, we talk daily and have 1 on 1 hang outs.
The high is fun but the lows are terrible. I feel like there's a deep loneliness/sadness inside of me that LO fills, and when we're not interacting much the feeling is very prominent. I'd like to find a therapist who can help, because more than anything I just want to be friends with this person. Cutting them out is a last resort. Limerence really is a like a hard drug huh.