UM, How Long?

[loslabios]

So, I was reading this website and mused some at this quote: "It is also incredibly comforting to know that unrequited infatuation very rarely lasts for more than 6-8 months, and often will fizzle out incredibly suddenly and much earlier than this" (https://pairedlife.com/love/infatuations). Perhaps that is true for most people, but I have passed the four year mark with my current LO. I went more than 20 years with a former LO. I went at least 4 years with the LO before that and with the LO before that. While I do not have the despair (severe depression + severe anxiety) I had a few years ago, I still have this resounding loneliness that my brain thinks she alone can fill. Rationally, I know that is displacement and that she cannot really fill that emptiness. However, my emotional side still thinks/feels this way. I go to bed at night wanting to say "I love you" to my current LO. I am waiting patiently for this to suddenly fizzle out. I am guessing it won't until the next LO comes along. I wish I was poetic and musically talented because I sure do wish I could make a profit off of this needless but uncontrollable suffering.

[JupiterTaco]

Is there anything whatsoever that can take your mind off of your LO?

[loslabios]

Not for long. I started playing guitar again because that helps me think about something else. Even when I am teaching, LO is pretty much in my head.

[townshend]

Apparently LEs average 6months to 3yrs but some have lasted even decades. It all depends on the person/situation. Mine was really 4.5yrs because I knew him for 4.5yrs (also had a celebrity LE like obsession before that for I think 3yrs). I’ve been NC for 1yr now and I’m no longer trapped in my LE but I look at being limerent just like being an addict. I’ll be limerent until the day I die I’m sure but how much time will I spend at the bar? How many drinks will I take?

[Katrulz]

Almost 2yrs NC for me. I think you’re right on the money there about loneliness and emptiness there.

When will it stop? I suppose it depends on when we fill in that hole in our lives. If loneliness is your core issue, can you find some friends somehow? I’m currently at that stage of realisation that perhaps friends might be key for me. Not an easy thing to solve.