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so, what did i learned about it besides the no addiction thing? i did learn that i used the forum in a way that was maladjusted. turns out without the forum, i was able to concentrate at work on some mundane boring paperwork tasks, that otherwise would be swept aside if i had full access to the forum as a distraction. so yes, i used the forum as a escape from unpleasant tasks.
i think this is a huge thing for us, brothers and sisters in limerence. we use limerence or some other means to escape from the real life. a lot of us has a history of psychologic or substance addictions. some of us use obsessive reading, obsessive movie watching, daydreaming to distract ourselves from our psychological pain or beredom. in the past, i used various forums to that too, so it's not a big surprise i used the limerence.net in that way too.
knowing it will help me to avoid this maladjusted way. i'll try to limit my forum use on weekends and see how it goes.
happy "experimenting" to all of you,
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- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
Several people noted that I am more present at work. And ha! I thought I was hiding it so well.
Still will use this forum on occasion to journal and work out thoughts. But also trying to let this final crutch go.
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- Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.
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I have an obsessive compulsive nature. I often come here just out of habit. Not a bad habit. I've been greatly helped and with these resources you all have shared, just wow!! We do seem to have similar knowledge and/or interests....feels good to be in the community of like minded ppl. I have felt triggered as well. Boy, have I! But it happens to everyone...we all probably get triggered. I perhaps have unintentionally been a trigger at some point.
I have to aim for more balance too. I need to " be here now " my lil one is chatting with me even as I type atm. Life is calling, as a limerent friend often has said.
Being a part of this online community has supported me in bettering my life! I may still get into stinkin thinkin sometimes or venting...but like one big azz dysfunctional family, I love you guys.
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)
- Site Admin
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- Location: London UK
- Age: 60
Interesting post NDD and good to try mixing things up. I've come to the conclusion we all district in some way, eating, shopping, surfing, working, sexing (is there such a word?) and so on. Perhaps life is about finding ways to live which are the least disruptive to our wellbeing?
It reminds me of a discussion with SO last night after I purchased a VR headset and am playing around with a virtual world. Or is it virtual? SO is of the view its another way of distracting. She prefers being in nature. I can now be in nature whilst sitting in a chair in a warm room with my headset on! Is that a bad thing? Is it part of our human evolution to start living in alternative worlds? I've no idea, all I know is I am having a blast.
For Relationship Coaching/Therapy see www.loverelations.co.uk
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- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
And we all know fun, laughter, banter, whatever brings a smile to our face (for some it might be sexing, or is that sexting?), which is good for our soul, psyche, emotional and mental wellbeing.
And like all things, alcohol, video games, etc, etc, it's when it interferes with our everyday life and monopolizes our thoughts, it's no longer good for our soul, psyche, emotional and mental wellbeing, and thus, no longer fun.
FB is my pathetic addiction, not forums. When I say pathetic, it's more about checking several times a day what others post since I very rarely post on it. Perhaps I'm engaged in some weird kind of nonsexual voyeurism. Whatever it is, its pathetic.
Good on you NDD!
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
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- Location: Wonderland
If you're pathetic, then so am I.
We all know I am quite the voyeur and I like FB for the same reason. I scroll through and see what everyone else is up to more than I post. And I love looking out of my windows to the outside world and observing what others do! lol!
Society tries to make me feel guilty about it, but I don't feel guilty or wrong naturally. I'm not hurting anyone.
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door)
I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"
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- Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:25 am
I feel guilty for coming here, like I sometimes use it as an excuse to indulge this same, boring old repetitive, unhelpful thought loops.
There's a song I like by a band called the Blue Aeroplanes with the lyric 'I can't talk to her, so I'd like to talk about her.' Yeah, that.
And I do remember that last time letting go of this forum (or its precursor) was a big step in my gradual recovery.
It might be nice to know though that I did wonder about and miss you.
And there is something to be said for belonging to something, where you're understood, esp for such a specific thing which so few ppl who haven't experienced it understand, and a general sense of community and support fostered here too.
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- Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
I like this forum for many reasons but mainly because I can identify with so much of what everyone shares like no other place. When I read posts from newcomers I am reminded of the pain but in a good way. I can offer some solace and experience. As a “lifer” I know that I will never be rid of it but this latest LE has changed my life for the better unlike all the previous ones.
I don’t do social media but I do have a stable of other hobbies and interests so between work, family, and personal activities I don’t mind coming here for a bit.
LO- married 48,work colleagues
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