:((

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Bridget
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Re: :((

Post by Bridget »

WM, you definitely ignored boundaries she requested and had stalkerish behavior. Playing "Every Step You Take" was a shitty move. In this day and age, I'd have been terrified if someone who confessed love for me (especially if they used the term, "addicted") and disregarded my requests for distance played that song after a confrontation.

Does that qualify as ER? I don't know, but I'm wondering why you're dwelling on that? It was mean and offensive, and you were hurt, wanted to lash back at her, and you did. She may have in fact been traumatized. But there's nothing you can do about that and you should focus on putting a boundary between the two of you because your emotions for LO are all over the place and untrustworthy. Let LO's friends and family help her and stay out of her life and circle. She is bad news for you right now.

JupiterTaco
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Re: :((

Post by JupiterTaco »

Bridget wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 9:30 pm
Ivanhoe wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:36 pm
WM,

To play lawyer:

“Emotional rape can be defined as
1) extreme abuse
2) of emotional intimacy,
brought about by
3) intentional psychological or emotional coercion or manipulation”.

Personally,i dislike the expansion of horrific terms like murder, rape, lynching, etc to include drastically less egregious behavior. Doing so devalues these terms.
I very much agree with Ivanhoe. Rape is a very specific thing and the fact that it is physical violation is paramount to it's definition. I was sexually assaulted numerous times during childhood, but because nothing was inserted into a body cavity, I don't consider even those experiences rape.

Is there another word or phrase that defines what folks are calling ER?
Narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, spiritual abuse, etc. To be honest I disagree with the term as well, I feel that it takes away from true rape victims, but at the same time I can see how it would fit in a way. It seeks to take something from the people who experience it, and people who do it are seeking domination and control (as with all abuse). By the same token, people really need to stop discounting the seriousness of various forms of emotional abuse and neglect. They all have almost the same emotional effects.
"A woman is a strong, beautiful, vibrant creature. A woman embraces life. A woman makes choices to make her life better."-Glenn Quagmire

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F »

Bridget wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 9:30 pm

Is there another word or phrase that defines what folks are calling ER?
I know right? It's a hideous term especially if blogs, posts, etc, on the internet imply it can be done unconsciously. That's why I'm curious about unpacking this topic. I still feel there is a spectrum from unconscious ER to conscious ER. But still, it's hideous terminology.

But. For arguments sake...

WM you didnt engage in emotionally rapping your LO. It sounds like it can only be done intentionally. The fact you read about it and then thought you had done it shows you weren't aware of doing it in the first instance.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

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Watchmaker
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Re: :((

Post by Watchmaker »

Thanks all. A lot of poignant points and comments. Lots to think about. Lots to feel.

Gotta get over regret, and being down, and (most of all)... her :(
M, 42
LO F, 36
LE began 5 years ago, or this year (not sure)
Disclosed to SO

"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"

JupiterTaco
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Re: :((

Post by JupiterTaco »

WM, how are things going with you?
"A woman is a strong, beautiful, vibrant creature. A woman embraces life. A woman makes choices to make her life better."-Glenn Quagmire

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