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Dumped from Limerent affair

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
Tilly2329
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:04 pm

Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Tilly2329 » Fri Nov 08, 2019 4:15 pm

Hi,
I am a married mom of two children, one with special needs. I was Limerent for someone who worked with my son for three years. He finally came to me and told me he felt the same way. We began an affair. After 10 months he told me that he just can not deal with the guilt anymore ( he is single) and was not ready to be a stepfather. I am in therapy and have been as the affair has caused so much anxiety. I am devastated and can not eat or sleep. I need to hear that I will get through this. I feel like there is nothing to live for.

Maddie
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Maddie » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:14 pm

You WILL get thru this! I found myself literally saying this to myself right before I logged on to this site today. I have to push thru! I also am married with children and have immense guilt about my PA! and still can't seem to let him go. He is single (the LO) and I'm not sure that he wants a LTR. Also, I don't think it would work. Most of the time, I'm like WTF am I doing?
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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Watchmaker
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Watchmaker » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:14 pm

Sorry to hear this T. There are friends and advocates here, and we will pray for you and are pulling for you. I too have had a dark year but find loving my child, and her loving me is one great thing to live for.
M, 42
LO F, 36
LE began 5 years ago, or this year (not sure)
Disclosed to SO

"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"

Acrobatica
Posts: 550
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Acrobatica » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:17 pm

Dear Tilly:

I am so sorry to hear your story. It hurts to end a relationship no matter what. But I think it is worse if it is a secret relationship and you have to hide your pain from those closest to you.

It’s good you are in therapy. Though I am sure you are feeling shame and guilt, know that you are in a tough spot emotionally. Don’t beat yourself up. And though it may seem wrong, treat yourself with kindness. Give yourself some space to mourn and cry and rage if need be.

Write here if it helps. Try keeping a journal.

Sending you hugs. With time you will feel better. It is absolutely true. But it is also very normal that you are in pain now.

Hugs.

Bridget
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Bridget » Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:27 pm

Tilly, you will get through this, even if it's hard to imagine that. There was a time I couldn't imagine being happy without my LO in my life. Now I haven't seen him in years and I have such a better life than I thought possible. It takes time and good therapy helps. It will get better!

Tilly2329
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:04 pm

Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Tilly2329 » Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:46 pm

Thank you all. I think this forum and therapy are the only things getting me through the day. How often can I post on here? I can only tell a few people ( my psychiatrist and therapist) so it helps to post here. I am literally taking it hour by hour. I keep checking the what’s app excessively. We spent three days a week together because he worked nights and now I do not know what to do with myself. I am not even sure if I am going to disclose to my SO. It is a tough decision. Did you all who had PA disclose? Thanks for the support.
Tilly

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by NoDayDreaming » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:02 pm

in my experience, it's good to find something obsessive/addictive to occupy your mind. obsessive reading/posting here works well. this is what the forum is for. hold down with the disclosure, there are pros and cons, but cons are huge (like potentially losing your family). you need to remove the whatsapp from your phone or at least block him!
remember, you'll go through it! we all did.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by L-F » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:24 pm

Just sending you a hug and welcome to the forums!
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

Tilly2329
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:04 pm

Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by Tilly2329 » Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:17 pm

Hi,
Thank you all. I am going to need to post obsessively. I do not know what else to do. I have to see my LO once a week due to my son. There is no way i can get out of it but it will end in June. I am going to try my best to just be in another room and be very aloof. I wish I could go full NC but my psychologist said that this person who has worked with my son ( special needs) should not disappear. She knows the whole situation and said I can tolerate one hour a week snd can be on the opposite side of the house. I just miss him so much it is awful. When will this start to subside?
Tilly

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David
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Re: Dumped from Limerent affair

Post by David » Mon Nov 11, 2019 9:38 am

Tilly2329 wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:46 pm
How often can I post on here?
Tilly
Until the hosting servers blows up. It will take a few billion posts to reach that point so type away.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
For Individual Coaching and Mentoring see www.drdavidperl.com

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