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substituting a new addiction

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Rosegirlxoxo
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2018 12:08 am
United States of America

substituting a new addiction

Post by Rosegirlxoxo »

I know this is not a healthy idea, but I honestly feel that there is less shame in being an alcoholic or drug addict than being limerant. There is just such a pathetic nature to it. LO's respond in 3 ways that I've noticed--they are disgusted and turned off by the neediness, they want to exploit it, or (worst of all), they feel pity. I absolutely hate the way I act because of this. It fills me with shame. Could it be as simple as drinking a shot every time I think of my LO?
LostAgain
Posts: 361
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by LostAgain »

As someone who is a little too fond of the booze I can say Nooooooooooooooooo.
Limerence is horrible but it is possible to learn and to come out stronger and a better person.
Same doesn't apply to booze.
Hang on in there. :ymhug:
Maddie
Posts: 1515
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by Maddie »

I feel you, Rosegirl, I really do. Your post made me LOL, and I needed that! I never thought of the different ways an LO can respond, but that sounds pretty right to me. Mine did want the attention, and did exploit, to some extent. I am fighting like all "get-out" to stay away from this man. He doesn't contact me, or hasn't in a long time...so that makes it easier. It does have a pathetic/lame feel to it all...my attempts to get attention from him. And I can't take the shot/pill/anything bc I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. At the moment, I'm noticing things that make my life meaningful and exciting...and I am FINALLY beginning to realize that it won't be "dopamine excitement" like I'm used to, but nevertheless, something's gotta give.

:ymhug: to you .
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
John
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:14 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by John »

There is no substituting addictions, only adding them. I agree that limerence can be more damaging than other additions, especially to a marriage. The best thing I'm aware of is NC.
JohnDeux
Posts: 2013
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by JohnDeux »

John wrote: Fri Mar 08, 2019 1:39 am There is no substituting addictions, only adding them.
...and as has been noted before, limerence at least might be recognized as a/the "core" addiction since it's pointing to a broken or damaged relationship apparatus. As Gabor Mate and others have noted, chemical and process addictions are likely rooted in damaged/damaging relationships as well, but the mechanism for soothing in those cases is chemical, situational, or procedural.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz
dreams
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:57 am
United States of America

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by dreams »

Has anyone tried any treatment plans to heal from limerence?

Maybe like a 12-step program for codependency or something of that nature.
Foxinsox
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2020 5:31 am
United States of America

Re: substituting a new addiction

Post by Foxinsox »

Lol!!! Well I understand the idea, but you know you can't, right?? Take it from someone who's actually tried it... Yes I really did 😂 Suffice it to say that this does not work. Being limerent is fucking garbage, it really does suck but after ten years abusing various substances I've got to say that chemical addictions are worse. Fancy being sick all the time? When you upset the balance of chemicals in your body with excessive drugs or alcohol, you start to just feel awful, no matter how much you consume. But once you're dependent, you've just got to keep consuming your drug of choice because the withdrawals are worse.

Limerence is embarrassing because of the stigma. Limerants are seen primarily as lovesick children I think, people who don't struggle with it can't imagine that a rational adult could fully understand intellectually that a particular relationship is impossible or a bad idea but still experience automatic and compulsive patterns of fantasy about that person for months or years. Easier to lecture us about letting go or call us stalkers or pathetic, I suppose. Being judged hurts, but ultimately I think it hurts less than the mental and physical anguish of being chemically dependent. And anyway, trying to swap addictions tends to end up just being adding an addiction in the end. That's basically what I experienced, and lemme tell you, if you think limerence sucks, well, all I can say is it sucks worse when you're hungover or strung out.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? It's well documented that limerence has a neurochemical component. A good psychiatrist can help you find an "addiction" (read: medication) that won't fuck you up and ruin your life 🙃
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