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I am in deep

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
ReeledIn
Posts: 615
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
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United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by ReeledIn » Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:42 pm

A real narc never admits they're a narc...that's part of the disorder. Nothing is ever wrong with THEM.... at least not that they'll admit. And they are usually able to charm the pants off anyone, including their therapists (literally sometimes). Don't bother asking him.

Maybe he is just a nice guy, but the big red flag for me in your post was this supposed "bond" between you two.. That is the calling card of a narc (or someone narcissistic). That is a sign of major boundary issues. I mean...bosses should NOT be saying that to their employees for starters and even of he were not your boss I would say it's a sign of poor boundary function from coworker to coworker. My LO used it on me and if you keep researching you will see this is all part of the grooming process. Step 1) make them pity you, step 2) compliement them like they have never before been complimented, step 3)manufacture a "bond," step 4) once they are smitten and providing you with "supply"...extract other things you want or need from the target. (Money, sex, or just more supply)

I wonder how soon he will suggest that you become a client of his Life Coaching business.
F, 48
exLO M, 54, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | EA/PA followed for 1 yr
LC/NC started 6/18/2017 and continues (at work)
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

ReeledIn
Posts: 615
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by ReeledIn » Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:52 pm

Btw...I agree with Mamasita and others here who are doing great things with inner work. Believe it or not, so have I. (I actually meditate now!)...

However I think people in this situation need to see they are being conned, otherwise the dopamine keeps flowing, making it almost impossible to look inward.

For me, it wasn't until I opened my eyes to see I had been conned that I could actually start asking the big questions like WHY did I do this? Why did I let this happen, etc?

Patti is still on the dopamine roller coaster...a very difficult ride to get off of (especially since she cannot go NC) ....but, Patti, I would get in to therapy immediately if you can. It would be good to have a person to whom you can speak about all of this... get it off your chest..and when ready...do that inner work!
F, 48
exLO M, 54, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | EA/PA followed for 1 yr
LC/NC started 6/18/2017 and continues (at work)
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Pattihopeful
Posts: 129
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:47 am

Thanks again. Such good suggestions. I agree Reeled In I am on the roller coaster. I know it sounds strange asking a Narc if they are but I read a research study that said they will admit it if asked.

I will cling to the thought that I need to focus on me not him. He does admit he makes mistakes. I am getting worried about myself. What is he filling in me? The constant thoughts are hard. I almost feel disconnected from me. I do see him helping others all the time. Everyone thinks highly of him. One thing I do know is that I am not thinking clearly. I ask for you all to be patient with me.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 362
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: I am in deep

Post by Helpmeplease » Sun Jan 06, 2019 9:12 pm

How did you get on over the weekend PH?

L-F
Posts: 2195
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by L-F » Sun Jan 06, 2019 9:25 pm

Sick attracts sick as often mentioned on here. Therapy would be good for you. Stay strong PH!
mamasita wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:35 pm
My LO could possibly be a narcissist. But that's not really any of my business.
My goal is no longer to find out his inner workings but to understand my own.
This!
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Pattihopeful
Posts: 129
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by Pattihopeful » Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:05 pm

Helpmeplease I fell hard this weekend. He said I could call and I did. We talked for an hour. I am going to post more in a private forum.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 362
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: I am in deep

Post by Helpmeplease » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm

How r u getting on PH?

Pattihopeful
Posts: 129
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I am in deep

Post by Pattihopeful » Sat Jan 12, 2019 10:08 pm

HMP- I am seeing through the fog a bit. Reading here helps. I feel a need to contact him right now. I got to 8:00 last night and he posted on social media. I commented and liked it and he,liked my comment and responded. I feel like I need him in my life. I am not friends with him on FB yet. These are pages related to coaching etc. I am resisting urge to text him. I feel like he is a good friend and gets me. Yet strong romantic feelings and longings are there. I need to resist the urge to text or friend him on FB. It is complicated because we work at my kids school. He is everywhere.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 362
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: I am in deep

Post by Helpmeplease » Sun Jan 13, 2019 8:02 pm

I know all about that PH. It is definitely very hard. Feeling for you and hope you are ok.

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