Disclosure to LO

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Disclosure to LO

1 time
10
11%
2 times
3
3%
3 times
4
4%
4 times
2
2%
5 times
0
No votes
6 times
2
2%
More than 6 times
5
6%
How did you disclose?
1
1%
Conversation
15
17%
Letter/Note
5
6%
Email/Text
12
13%
Other
0
No votes
Do you regret disclosing?
1
1%
Yes
8
9%
No
16
18%
I don't know
6
7%
 
Total votes: 90

AMA210
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Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 »

Disclosure to LO

L-F
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by L-F »

.
Last edited by L-F on Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

AMA210
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Location: Midwest
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 »

Yep, the rest are gone. Had some issues with my pad freezing up and I didn't get back to it until now. Thanks for the reminder.

movingon
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by movingon »

Disclosing made me feel better at the time, but it seemed like everything went downhill after I disclosed and I also have not obtained the emotional freedom yet that disclosure is supposed to bring. So I wish I would have been strong enough to just walk away without disclosing, but I wasn't.

Spinnaker
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by Spinnaker »

:-$
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“...the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.”
Carl Jung

AMA210
Posts: 1992
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Location: Midwest
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 »

Spinnaker wrote:
Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:57 am
Should I post twice since I've had 2 LO's ? Does my online LO#2 "qualify"?
Sure, go for it. An LO is an LO.

Spinnaker
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by Spinnaker »

x_x
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
“...the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.”
Carl Jung

ReeledIn
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by ReeledIn »

I disclosed in a conversation at his house in total private (he's single, some of you may remember). I said, "I've come to care about you more than I should." And then I just shut up. I put him on the spot and wanted to see how he reacted without any preparation.

The look I got was one of "Oh crap. You actually acknowledged it. I guess all my luring really worked. Shit. Now what do we do?"

Aaaaaaannnnndddddd.... then the affair started... and then - 2 mos later - I was left with this.... =(( =(( =((

I said I don't regret it because I was about to completely explode or have a heart attack each day we interacted (which was every day because we had basically become each other's "work spouse," due to his constant pursuing and my complete lack of ability to say no)... I was 80% sure it was reciprocal, which it was for a while. I just HAD to know.. or had to get a new job (disclosing was actually easier than trying to find a new job in my field and location). I was at the point where any interaction with him was so painful because I wanted him so badly - so I did it.. and I was prepared for the worst.. which did end up happening in the end. Now we can't even be "friends," not that we every really were "friends."
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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David
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by David »

Disclosure is an interesting one and perhaps one of the few areas Ive vacillated with regards to was it a good or bad thing to disclose at least 6 times?

My second disclosure was in a group therapy setting and caused LO to feel humiliated. LO was angry that I had gone NC and not given her an adequate explanation as to why I was distancing myself from her. She brought up over two consecutive weeks in this group so I got my revenge by making a public disclosure, talking about limerence, what it was and how it was affecting me. That said, how LO felt was her stuff and for her to deal with if she chose too.

As for disclosing per se, I have no regrets. It was the right thing for me to do at that time, based on what I knew then and where I was at that time (aged 16 emotionally =)) ) . What I did get to was a place of self-compassion. I was trying to make sense of limerence and didn't understand how I could feel such intense feelings for the magical other that were totally one way. Surely LO had to be playing into this? I never did get the answers I desired and in a way the never not knowing was a greater gift. Letting go of control and certainty was a big life lesson.

Would I disclose again? No, not whilst married. Limerence was and is my issue and I can now see its not appropriate to dump my uncontained feelings onto another. That said, i have a far greater capacity to contain my feelings now and not act them out.
Do you want help with limerence from the founder of this site?
I'm a qualified counsellor, psychotherapist, medical practitioner and leadership coach.
To book a session see http://loverelations.co.uk/on-line-support-for-limerence-from-dr-david-perl/

Cookie
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Re: Disclosure to LO

Post by Cookie »

My whole disclosure was so stupid I hate to even post it here. But what the heck. We're among friends.

The LO had sent me numerous messages about how much he "really liked me." So I decided to send him one back: "I like you too." There was plenty more faux-love to follow before he disappeared. Looking back and examining this, it was all ridiculously adolescent! This type of communication is what 15-year-olds do, not 50-somethings. On the plus side, it was my disclosure that sent him running and led me to find out about limerence.
Person

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