Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

A section on how we were parented and how we parent our own children (where relevant). It is likely that much of the origins of our Limerence start in childhood, this is an important sub-forum.
Pandora
Posts: 402
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

Post by Pandora »

peter.rabbit wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 9:19 pm
It's ironic, so much discussion here refers to the LO as being(or probably being) the narcissist. In assessing my LE I've wondered if perhaps it was ME being the narcissist all along. For that reason I've firmly resisted the temptation to disclose to my LO, not wanting to unfairly impact someone who(in this case) is not culpable for the LE.
Spot on! While I don't categorize myself as a full-blown narcissist, the more I'm able to see past limerence, the more I realize the narcissistic traits in myself. It is terribly unflattering.
I'm not here to be a creep,
I'm just feeling complete.
Take me home.

L-F
Posts: 3072
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

Post by L-F »

Mezzer wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 6:51 am

This has led to a 16 year relationship full of resentment and subtle manipulation on my part.
.....

Is it narcissistic to put myself first? I don't know, but the life of constant fear that triggered my subtly controlling behaviour was not good for me, and was certainly not good for my SO, even if she doesn't know it now.

So in conclusion, I say to you David, yes I am deeply flawed and I have much work to do, but waking up to the reality of my perfect life before limerence was not the lesson it was trying to teach me.
Blessings Mezzer. You know there is a lot of talk about narcissistic behavior and a lot of daggers thrown at narcissists which is also another bugbear of mine because believe it or not, narcs are humans too and who isn't a little flawed??? Like, who?

No it's not narcissistic to put yourself first. How do you get a narcissist to heal? Get them to love themselves.

The flaws come from that hurt inner child. Once I saw that, I had empathy for my narcissistic father. He has to take100% responsibility for his actions, which he hasn't, but it sounds like you have.

I see two ends of the spectrum:

Narcissism_______________Self-Awareness

The line between the two is the awakening. Now you can either choose to be bitter, angry and dagger throwing at the narcissist, not take 100% responsibility, etc and still be at the narcissistic end of the spectrum. Just because someone recognizes they are married to a narc doesn't mean they aren't one - the behaviour will give you a better picture and listening to dagger throwers sure does remind me of my father. He too thought everyone else was narcissistic, like narcs do.

So bless you Mezzer for sharing your insights. Yes you deserve healthy relationships, with yourself and others.

If limerence causes an awakening, then that's a good thing.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

L-F
Posts: 3072
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

Post by L-F »

Mezzer wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 6:51 am
Mezzer's post is what I call radical honesty.
L-F wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 9:43 pm
I see two ends of the spectrum:

Narcissism_______________Self-Awareness
Another way to view the above us:

Other focused________________ I focused

Because we all know a narcissists cannot see the *I*... everything is about others, not them.

One moves towards self-awareness by looking at the self, and that's what David means by taking responsibility and moving away from blame.

An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, no one is saying to stay in one.

We are talking about limerence and how as individuals we are positioned within it.
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

Cookie
Posts: 1122
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

Post by Cookie »

Pandora wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 9:33 pm
peter.rabbit wrote:
Sun Jul 26, 2020 9:19 pm
It's ironic, so much discussion here refers to the LO as being(or probably being) the narcissist. In assessing my LE I've wondered if perhaps it was ME being the narcissist all along. For that reason I've firmly resisted the temptation to disclose to my LO, not wanting to unfairly impact someone who(in this case) is not culpable for the LE.
Spot on! While I don't categorize myself as a full-blown narcissist, the more I'm able to see past limerence, the more I realize the narcissistic traits in myself. It is terribly unflattering.
No doubt! And I don’t deny those at all. I do think I’ve become a better person since discovering that, now aware *in the moment* when I’m being a self-absorbed jerk. I would also just add that there’s a difference in the damage done by malignant (overt) narcissists and covert ones.
Person

Bluebell
Posts: 116
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:54 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Limerence, children and moderation of this forum

Post by Bluebell »

Thanks David, this acknowledges the sacrifice I made. I have never wanted or put anyone else above my children before I met him. Due to my own abandonment issues I was never going to put my children through that, my pain and loss is nothing compared to keeping them safe and sound.
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

Post Reply