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Limerence teaches many things...

How to improve a long term relationship and keep it alive, healthy and growing. Just like tending a garden.
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L-F
Posts: 1630
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Limerence teaches many things...

Post by L-F » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:06 pm

Hopefully limerence is enough of a teacher to move the LS out of their LTR so that both parties can be happy. It's never one sided and limerents tend to think they are the only ones hard done by. My guess is both sides are because the SO is pair bonded with someone who doesn't know themselves. Imagine being pair-bonded to someone who could never give fully? And you can never give fully when you don't know what makes you tick. Quite a selfish thing remaining married when you think about it. But still, I'm all for understanding ourselves better whilst pair bonded and allowing SO the same dignity and space to grow. And this is where I see married partners growing together in a deeply profound way... so long as the LS doesn't remain selfishly locked in to their own misery.

Limerence IMO is a blessing, to help the LS grow up and take responsibility for life altering choices.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

L-F
Posts: 1630
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Limerence teaches many things...

Post by L-F » Sat Nov 18, 2017 4:01 am

I am so thankful for my SO. And thankful for limerence for showing me what was missing.
When you are external facing,
how do you expect to do the inner work? :-??

JohnDeux
Posts: 1763
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: Limerence teaches many things...

Post by JohnDeux » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:01 pm

L-F wrote:
Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:06 pm
Imagine being pair-bonded to someone who could never give fully? And you can never give fully when you don't know what makes you tick. Quite a selfish thing remaining married when you think about it. But still, I'm all for understanding ourselves better whilst pair bonded and allowing SO the same dignity and space to grow. And this is where I see married partners growing together in a deeply profound way... so long as the LS doesn't remain selfishly locked in to their own misery.
Certainly on some level I would be guilty of this. But a discussion of this nature hinges on the word "selfishly", because where does "lack of awareness" end and "selfishness" begin? From the limited MC that we've engaged in, the take home seemed from the counselor seemed to be that we both have selfish elements that we are unwilling to part with. For whatever reason, it's just my nature to apply myself to self-discovery in a deliberate way, whereas SO goes about her life and it falls into place for her from oblique trajectories.

But also to say, in my walks of life, I know of extremely few,.....if any, actually.....couples who are bonded through giving fully to each other in a fully aware manner. But that could also be just the outcome of being in circles where such people are more commonly found.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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