That article title is most relevant to that nasty, uncompromising side of myself who seems never able to accept who I am. Use to be other people who I could blame for not accepting me. Seems I had no where to turn since I couldn't accept myself either. So that was that place I really needed to dig into and not be looking for some other target.
Re: "Snowballing". I sit there looking at the dirty dishes in the sink (we do 'em by hand still). Was it the chicken or the egg who first stopped doing them? If I do SO's dishes too I can convince myself I'm not doing them as a favor to her, but to conserve on water and energy use. Otherwise I just feel like I'm being 'used'. I can tell myself that I'll go ahead and do them on account of a little bird telling me it may foster "togetherness"....but that will have to provide the motivation, cuz there's no warm fuzzy propelling me any other way.
Relationship-as-focus aside, I find myself in much the similar place as you and several others here. Still laughing with SO at times, still sharing dinner, and staying the course on finding my own core of satisfaction with self and circumstance.