those are the parts i liked:
In the happiest case, an episode ends with the two people forming a couple, or when the Limerent finally understands that no matter what they do, the Limerent Object simply isn’t romantically interested.
In long episodes of limerence, the LO can often engage in a “hot and cold” behavior, where they never fully commit to the Limerent, but also never firmly rejects them. In effect, this keeps the Limerent trapped and unable to move on.
Of course, this also depends on the personality and experience of the Limerent. Some realize quickly that there is no hope in pursuing a relationship, so their episode ends quickly. Others might be too hung up to see the obvious, and keep manipulating themselves into thinking that there’s still a chance, if only they tried harder.
For Limerents, winning over the LO will quickly become their primary purpose. All other goals and ambitions gain a secondary importance. Even if it’s a person they’ve barely spoken to, a rejection can be as painful as losing a friend, or even a family member.
Because of this, they constantly live in fear of being turned down. So they constantly tip toe around the LO, trying to make their intentions known, but not enough to be fully obvious and risk a firm rejection.
At the same time, they want to make the best possible impression. To do this, Limerents will often try to become actors in a way, trying to make every gesture of theirs perfect. Of course, most people aren’t Oscar worthy so this “act” of theirs falls flat, or even feels downright artificial and robotic, sort of like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator.
During an episode, Limerents will suffer from a distinct inability to perceive the behavior of the LO clearly. They want a romantic relationship with them so much, that they manipulate themselves into seeing signs of interest where there are none.
Indeed, in extreme situations the Limerent can even twist a vague rejection into seeming like a test of sorts: “they only said no so I can try harder, but they didn’t really mean no”.
Hope is to limerence what oxygen is to a fire. Thus, a Limerent person always tries to perceive every action of the LO as a positive sign of interest, even when it’s dead obvious to anybody else that it really isn’t.
For example, if the Limerent and the LO are in the same room but at opposite corners, the Limerent will somehow perceive this as a sign of interest.
“He went to the other side of the room because his feelings are just as strong as mine, and couldn’t cope with the intensity of being near me.”
But if the LO had come right next to the Limerent, they might have a completely different interpretation.
“He came next to me so we could have a chance to talk. They’re probably in love too!”.
Reading this, you might be tempted to say “the Limerent should just ask the LO out, confess their love, and just get to the end of it. What an amateur!”.
Sounds simple, but this exposes the Limerent to a crushing and swift rejection, which they do not want to risk. Instead, they will often try to “seduce” the LO in roundabout ways, that do not betray their intentions.
One of the paradoxes of limerence is that the Limerent aches for emotional reciprocation, but once they get it, their interest levels begin to fade.
If the LO is obviously eager, then the Limerent will stop asking oneself “Does the LO want me?” and instead switch to questions such as “Do I want the LO anymore?”. Certainty pulls the Limerent out of the chase, feeling they’ve already won.
Of course, this is also true the other way around. If the LO knows just how infatuated the Limerent is, they too might lose interest and consider the Limerent overbearing.
Limerents are aware of these dynamics, so they end up playing mind games in an effort to seem the disinterested party in the courtship. They aim to use mystery and uncertainty to draw in the LO, and not seem too overeager and thus risk repelling them.
Here are just a few examples of these mind games:
Not answering calls from the LO immediately, instead they call back a while later.
In social gatherings, they might avoid talking to the LO at first, and engage with other people.
Pretending to be busy, and prioritizing something else.
Pretend not to be attracted.
Sex isn’t necesarilly the end-goal
For the Limerent, the end-game is to obtain emotional investment and reciprocation from the LO.
In other words, sex with the LO isn’t the primary motivator. That’s not to say the Limerent doesn’t desire such a thing. But the fantasies that keep the Limerent awake at night are those in which the Limerent and the LO share an intimate moment, such as cooking, walks on the beach, or cuddling away somewhere.
In fact, some Limerents might actually be repulsed by sexual fantasies because these violate their image of a pure and “unspoilt” LO.
An exception to this are cases when sex itself is viewed as an emotional reciprocation. Just as a kiss can mean “I like you”, a Limerent can perceive sex with the LO as another way of saying “I love you”.
There’s also a distinct difference between sexual and limerent fantasies. The first ones are voluntary in nature. It’s possible to control and influence a sexual fantasy, to imagine the motions and how the act unfolds.
Limerent daydreams on the other hand, are entirely involuntary. They simply wriggle their way into the head of the sufferer, and stay there for as long as they like.
What is the cure for limerence?
The only real way to end an episode of limerence is to be 100% sure that a romantic relationship with the desired person is impossible. This requires either 1. a firm, clear and irreversible rejection from the crush or 2. the Limerent loses all hope that a romantic relationship will ever become reality.
Both of those options are bitter medicines. No one likes to go through a painful and humiliating rejection, or to be strung along without any emotional reciprocation.
But both methods work because they evaporate any feelings of hope the Limerent may have that a relationship is still possible. Once this happens, the sufferer knows that any further effort won’t make a difference, and trying to pursue the relationships further is a waste of time.
Fortunately, once the point of losing hope is reached, the intensity of limerence quickly drops.