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For those not quite ready to start looking at their limerence as a condition that needs working on.
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Limfriend1
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Post by Limfriend1 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:57 pm

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Spinnaker
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Re: JellyBeans Journey

Post by Spinnaker » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:04 pm

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances...”
Viktor E. Frankl

Limfriend1
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Post by Limfriend1 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:14 pm

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Limfriend1
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Post by Limfriend1 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:16 pm

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Spinnaker
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Re: JellyBeans Journey

Post by Spinnaker » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:49 pm

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Last edited by Spinnaker on Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances...”
Viktor E. Frankl

Ivanhoe
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Re: JellyBeans Journey

Post by Ivanhoe » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:21 pm

JellyBean wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:14 pm
Nope. Think I broke it. Will have to make it my signature. Unless David can change it to L-F :

@Ivanhoe please do fill me in on the psychological rationale of name changes. I'm intrigued. And I'll give you my version. But it has to be deep and meaningful in order to capture my attention. If it's something like 'I'm just plain nuts'... well... pfftt that's old news.
The surface psychology is fairly obvious. You are attempting to make yourself less attractive to your male admirers (or at least this one😀). As to the specific underlying cause of that effort ...
65 (feel 50); Male

"Grief makes children of us all. Any intellectual difference is destroyed. The wisest know nothing."
- Emerson

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David
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Re: JellyBeans Journey

Post by David » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:54 am

JellyBean wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:14 pm
@David... those psychotherapist :x blame them and call it counter-transference =)) they sure do get inside the head. Such a shame LO and I can't have a good 'ol giggle about it. Do you still correspond with the trainee? And... if you saw her again, how do you think you'd react?
No re the correspondence.

Its the only time SO read me the riot act and made it very clear if I had any more contact with SO once my training finished than I would be getting my marching orders. Its one of the few times in our 32 years together shes set a firm boundary with clear consequences.

As for friendship with LO, no it was never going to be on the cards. I told her in our penultimate conversation where she expressed her anger that I wouldnt be friends with her that my ongoing desire to fuck her was going to get in the way of any friendship and I wasnt prepared to risk my marriage for that. My T was impressed with my honesty.

The next and last time I spoke with LO she told me she had told her new hubby this and he wanted to kill me. So I now have a fatwah on my head :)) :)) As she walked off she suggested I could have said I wanted to make love to her instead of fucking her. So her game playing carried on right to the end. And for me I had moved from wanting to make love with her to merge and connect to more just fucking her brains out because well, that's what men sometimes want to do with something attractive they've objectified. I didnt waste my energy in explaining this to her. And this was against a backdrop of 6 disclosures so LO could not claim ignorance of my limerence towards her. I even brought her Tenov's book FFS. =))

And if I saw her now, I think the feelings will come flooding back in. there was and still is too much unresolved stuff that went on for me. I was going to type us and not just me, as well who knows, perhaps part of the fantasy still lingers in the hope there was just a smidgen of reciprocation. Funny thing, human hope is 8-} . I would be able to self regulate but know myself well enough to know that my attachment wounds can still get opened up given the right mix.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching/Therapy see www.loverelations.co.uk

LostAgain
Posts: 361
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Great Britain

Re: JellyBeans Journey

Post by LostAgain » Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:45 am

I liked you as L-F.
Power to your elbow.

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