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itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

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Post by itry »

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Last edited by itry on Tue Dec 22, 2020 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by IvB »

I wish your SO could see and understand this. It's really not fair for you to not get from him what you need but be expected not to look elsewhere.
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by itry »

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Last edited by itry on Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by IvB »

Damn, no wonder you feel suffocated!
And purely theoretically, if you told him you have enough and want to leave, would that be a wake-up call? Or how do you think he would react?
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by itry »

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Last edited by itry on Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
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Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi itry

That is a difficult place to be and absolutely will be adding fuel to the limerence.

I have found since my LE I am having to fall back in love with my SO. But sometimes it’s hard as what we have is a strong loving relationship but without the crazy fireworks that an LE brings.

During an EA (and even a LE) I think it’s common to idealise the LO and see only positives to the detriment of the relationship with SO. In my case me and my LO only ever had limited actual time together so only ever saw the best side, so wholly unrealistic. Love builds over time. My suggestion would be to keep persevering with your SO if you want to remain together and make him aware that you are unhappy but want to get to a point with SO where you are. Make the good great so to speak. It won’t be the same as what your LE brings as this will often be the “perfect” ideal which unfortunately is only true in novels not
In real life.
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by itry »

(deleted)
Last edited by itry on Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
John
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:14 pm
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United States of America

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by John »

itry, as the SO of a limerent wife, your post really hit me hard. It sounds like she and I could have written it. You seem to have covered all the things that have gone stale in our relationship. I'm interested in limerence because it provides and "excuse" in my mind for her having a years-long EA, a reason other than being my fault in some way. In my mind I know you are absolutely correct. The most difficult part for me right now is that I am Dismissive-Avoidant and she is Anxiously attached. I run away from conflict and have trouble with close relationships. I consider myself self-sufficient and don't want to rely on others for comfort and don't want them to rely on me. She, on the other hand wants constant entertainment and emotional support. The thing that drives her crazy about me is trying to figure out what I'm thinking. It's never anything bad, but she worries that it is.

Anyway, you wrote an excellent post that really got me thinking about trying to step up - again.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by IvB »

Itry, I am so sorry you feel like this. Nobody is doing you a favor being with you, whether friends or relationship. You are a great person who gives and tries a lot and you don't need to beg for someone's attention!
itry
Posts: 122
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:20 pm
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Re: Humble advice to all SOs

Post by itry »

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