Here we go again!!!!!!

[Spadge100]

Good luck itry. There will be lapses. I have only been strictly NC now for about two months. Before that was a period of three months or so where I would “check in” every few weeks. Thankfully I didn’t get a reply most of the time which was horrendous at the time. The last two replies said she wants to be friends but not yet. I know this is never possible after what we shared so had to initiate NC.

What I accept now is it was not a friendship but an EA from the start. We had only seen each other twice in the last two years after 27 years of not being in each other’s lives.

The way I see it is if I truly care for her then I have to go NC as that is the only honest thing I can do. If those feelings could resurface so quickly after 27 years NC, then what we shared earlier in the year will never completely leave us.

I would just be polite, say you are focussing on your SO, wish him well and begin the painful but honest road of NC. Use this forum to vent, share and in time recover.

Don’t beat yourself up, just being in here and acknowledging and discovering what it is is a massive step in the right direction.

[IvB]

Itry, sorry to hear that he left you hanging like that. This would not really be acceptable from even a casual friend, let alone an EA. I don't think he is knowingly manipulating you (maybe I am an optimist) but is probably really confused as well. However as you see, he is not giving any thought to your emotions (like my LO), so you don't have to feel guilty about "not being able to care for him".
I also understand that you don't feel guilty about EA as from your info your SO is not giving you what you need emotionally even though you pointed it out to him and even hurt you in the past with his own EA. I hope you will be able to keep polite but distant, good luck!

[John]

itry, you wondered why your LO breadcrumbs you at just the right moment. You have to realize that he may not be limerent and thinking of you constantly, and his texts may not be nefarious but just trying to be nice and boost your confidence with his compliments. Or he may just consider you a friend. I don't know your situation but just throwing out the possibility.

Also, you said "When I confronted SO at the time, instead of apologising he reacted with anger and opened up my eyes and told me that no relationship should be so "claustrophobic" to expect a person to not have any emotional intimacy outside it! There maybe some truth in what he says as men seem to be able to be emotionally close to more than one woman at a time, whereas women seem to dedicate themselves to one man at a time. Not that this is any excuse for his behavior, but just a consideration as to where is coming from.

Good luck on beating this and also be careful not to get too wrapped up in this forum because that can be a rabbit hole of anxiety in itself.

[itry]

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