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Nice LO

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Guess

Nice LO

Post by Guess »

I know my LO for the last few months through a mutual friend.
I'm divorced and not seeing anyone but she is in a long term relationship which has some issues.
She is a very nice person, she genuinely cares about me and tries to help me out whenever she can. I've had this feeling for a long time that she cares about me too and might have a crush on me (if not full blown limerent like me).
The other day she said to me that she thinks of me as her own brother and that's why she cares so much..which completely broke my heart !!!
But when I thought about it later I felt like... what if she said that to make me open up and was only trying to see my reaction.

What I'm trying to ask here is...am I miss-reading her due to my limerence or could there be some truth to this? Do you sometimes feel you missread LO's signals??
tryingtofindaway
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:06 am
United States of America

Re: Nice LO

Post by tryingtofindaway »

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Last edited by tryingtofindaway on Thu Jul 23, 2020 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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WishMagick
Posts: 827
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Nice LO

Post by WishMagick »

If she's truly a nice person, and not a manipulator, then what she said, she meant. She thinks of you totally platonically and as a friend and brother.

Only a manipulator would say something to get a reaction. And you said she was a nice person. Nice / "good" people don't do that.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
Cookie
Posts: 1190
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Nice LO

Post by Cookie »

WishMagick wrote: Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:48 pm If she's truly a nice person, and not a manipulator, then what she said, she meant. She thinks of you totally platonically and as a friend and brother.

Only a manipulator would say something to get a reaction. And you said she was a nice person. Nice / "good" people don't do that.
Bingo.

Obviously we don't know your LO, Guess, but I can say that after many years of dealing with this -- and many different LOs -- every one of them had a "motive," if you will, in keeping me engaged. They all seemed so NICE at first (to gain my trust). In the end, I can't really say that.

Bottom line is, straight-up legit friendships/relationships don't leave us feeling confused and guessing about what's going on.
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Celestialbody
Posts: 180
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:41 pm
Australia

Re: Nice LO

Post by Celestialbody »

She said that because she senses you like her more than just a friend. It's her way of letting you down gently. Sorry.
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ireneadler
Posts: 37
Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2020 2:37 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Nice LO

Post by ireneadler »

Cookie wrote: Wed Jul 08, 2020 4:08 pm Bottom line is, straight-up legit friendships/relationships don't leave us feeling confused and guessing about what's going on.
I need to get this tattooed somewhere. LO seems nice, but his blowing hot and cold is very narc-like. I am the instigator 95% of the time in our relationship. I quit instigating 2 weeks ago and am realizing how easy it is to go NC simply by not instigating, not even blocking.

The trouble is that I am the 95% instigator in my relationship with my husband too. I don’t want to split now because of kids. Thinking I really need to put my effort into real friends or find a better hobby.
40 something, married with kids
LO is a married with kids co-worker
Cookie
Posts: 1190
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Nice LO

Post by Cookie »

ireneadler wrote: Thu Jul 09, 2020 11:17 am Thinking I really need to put my effort into real friends or find a better hobby.
This is a positive step. I didn't realize until very recently how much of this was related to dependence/codependence. Maybe it comes with middle age, but somewhere along the way I lost myself, the person I am. So that makes it hard to be a partner under any construct.
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