First day NC complete torture :(

[Keke]

After being married for 8 yrs to an emotionally abusive husband I took 2 yrs to heal from it all but to be honest I dont think I healed because now I dealing with limerence and im still trying to process it all. My husband was emotionally neglectful extremely controlling didnt show me affection or love and I never realized how much it damaged me until now.

I decided to go NC with my LO Last night and its been so hard today. I feel so sick and I can't stop thinking about him I want to text him so bad but I know its not the right thing to do. Im going through extreme withdrawals and idk if I can handle NC as I might give in tonight and text him 😢 I'm trying to distract myself but nothing is working im hurting so much I wish this never happened to me. How can I heal from the abuse? Will I ever be able to love again? limerence is so painful please any advice would be helpful thank you

[PhoenixJB]

Hi Keke,

welcome... as much as you probably don't want to have to be here, none of us do either, but you are definitely not alone in this.... I'm struggling as well and have no advice for you but there are many people here who do and just reading a lot of the posts can help. I don't think I can even count as LC with my LO anymore because we have been messaging almost daily. The last time we messaged was Friday afternoon and I wanted to not message him again til tomorrow, but I'm trying to justify to myself reaching out to him today. It's horrible to feel this way and I'm so sorry you are, do your best to stay strong. The more I can turn my thoughts from him, the more peaceful I feel.

-Phoenix

[keke]

were texting daily as well. i gave in and texted him last night and i gave in and texted him this morning too. i might have to do NC because i feel like its taking a tole on me mentally. if he doesn't reply right away i get panic attacks even though he is interested in me i feel like eventually he wont be because i know i have this strong limerence for him idk if i should just tell him im getting feelings to fast and i think its best if we stop talking im so sorry that youre going through this and i know how painful it is hoping i can recover from this 1day

[PhoenixJB]

I'm trying to stay strong and not message my LO til tomorrow. Time off is good for both me and him. Mornings are most difficult for me, I also seem to have lower mood in the morning, and so if I can stay busy at least until Noon then I start feeling much better overall and can be stronger about not messaging. But we message about 4-5 days per week usually and I'd love it every day but I don't think he would. I also get super high anxiety every time I message him and await his response. I'm not sure if it's anxiety per se or just the 'hit' of excitement waiting for his response. It's a drug/addiction, truly.

I have an ex-boyfriend that sounds similar to your ex.... he was emotionally abusive and manipulating, he was a narcissist, gaslighted me, kicked me out of our house 4 times over the 3 years we were together, he also was addicted to cocaine and porn. If you read into Limerence some more and why/how it happens, I think you'll see there is something inside us that is attracted to this type of person. It sounds crazy like why would we actually want to be treated like that, but it's not logical, it's a wound inside us. That's what we have to heal. I'm probably not working very hard on that part since I've been messaging my LO again for the past 3 weeks.

How long have you been limerent for this LO? Do you know him in person or just online...?

As for disclosing your feelings, that is always a difficult decision. I certainly would never disclose the term 'limerent' to my LO. I don't feel like he needs to know about that. Others on this forum may have other thoughts, and many have disclosed, with varying results. Read some of the posts, it really helped me, I spent a week reading a ton of posts on this forum. We are here for you.

[keke]

so you definitely know what I'm going through.. i feel like this contributes to the trauma as well. You're doing way better than me, i gave in and texted him this morning and i told him I'm developing feelings for him and it maybe its best for me not to contact him anymore he said if i still want to talk we can but idk if he understands, to be honest my LO and I have been sexting and sending videos recently it took time for him to open up and before this my limerence was already strong but this really made my limerence worse to the point where now I feel so sick i didn't want to cut it off but i know now i cant contact him because it would really make me look crazy this is the worse feeling ever

[limbo]

It gets worse before it gets better, so hang in there my friend.

[Chuck]

were texting daily as well. i gave in and texted him last night and i gave in and texted him this morning too. i might have to do NC because i feel like its taking a tole on me mentally.

Try it this way; knowing that it is so very very hard, take it in stages. Resolve not to reach out to him until a week from now.
You may be able to relax knowing that you have your own permission and will be free to message him later. That you are not committing to forever just yet. If you break, don't worry about it. Start again.

Then afterwards, reset for another week. Maybe add a couple of days. Then do a couple of weeks. Then a month. Then three.

Each time you hit your target date you can call it a win, and feel good about what you have achieved without creating extra anxiety for yourself.
Eventually you may get used to it, and forget to message him at all. Regardless of what happens though, you are making progress.

[eros]

I am trying a staged withdrawal (as recommended by others) and it feels like I'm grieving a death. It also feels cowardly.