What is Limerence? It's an illusion, that's all (LE reciprocated)

[LE maniac]

Hello everybody!

This is my first post since a long break. Thanks to everyone who interacted with me and reacted to my posts.
Well, my story is almost over. My limerence is fading. The reason? It became a reciprocated affair. I was so "stoned" on "love" that I finally started to seek more contact. I learned that my LO isn't married, she is divorced and gradually we got to know each other closer and closer. And as we got together, all the thrill was gone. All the obsessing was gone and most of the fantasy also.

The relationship even with the most desirable LO won't match your fantasy. It's all an illusion. Limerence it's a illusion. It's a symptom that you have starved yourself from love, that you seriously let yourself go in that matter. It's never about the person, even if he or she is the most desirealbe person on earth. It's about the lack and the uncertainty. Once the ucertainty is over and the LO is obtainable the high is gone....it's an illusion.

I struggled with LE episodes and mental disorders almost my whole life. Now when I finally get to expierience a reciprocated LE I see how illusory or fake it is. I've got addicted, still I'm an addict, but I udnerstand my addiction better.

Don't get fooled, treat yourself with respect, love yourself. From my experience I know that getting over an LO it's extremely hard, but have this in mind that, if your LO will reciprocate, the "honey-cocaine-dopamine-moon" will be over so fast, that you might be suprised, burned out or asking "why I was so crazy?"

Take care and LOVE yourself,

Peace

[Maddie]

. It's a symptom that you have starved yourself from love, that you seriously let yourself go in that matter.

Hey! Thanks for the update. I've never thought of it in that way, but it completely makes sense. I wonder if the starving yourself is an unconscious thing, bc I wouldn't purposely do that... I sure hope I can be a better partner for my SO...logically, I know, that the way I behaved in LE is not how I really WANT to handle my marital problems....not today. granted, they need handling, but there has got to be a better way. the SO claimed that marital counseling was the worst thing that ever happened to him, so idk...maybe my own indiv counseling will help me and perhaps we can read a book together to give us some tips...this will all be spearheaded by me.

(please do not copy)

[NoDayDreaming]

very good point about love starvation. if we starve ourselves of food, sooner or later it will terminate in compulsive overeating and we could get ourselves a bulimia or similar eating disorder.

to prevent that and still lose weight, we need a steady supply of healthy food, and stay away from junk food. to translate that back, to avoid limerence, we need a steady supply of love and respect from ourselves, our loved ones, and friends/community in general.

i think it could be this simple.

[L-F]

Hey I remember you LEM! Good to read an update.

Yes we are starved. It all starts with our caregivers.

Glad you are on the road to recovery!

[NoDayDreaming]

The relationship even with the most desirable LO won't match your fantasy.

a lot of people agree that the western way of mating based on romantic feelings sets us for a huge disappointment after. so, it's not just limerence.

[WishMagick]

In my first LE (which was first not reciprocated, but then turned reciprocated) the reality was much better than my fantasy...BECAUSE it was real.|

But, let me just say, that one lasted for so long, and I was actually friends with this LO that my limerence developed into genuine love for that person. He's a narcissist, but that doesn't change the fact that I genuinely loved him. But that was because our relationship developed over the years from limerence (on my side) to something real (again, on my side).

[NoDayDreaming]

limerence and love are not mutually exclusive IMHO. every time (twice, LOL) i was limerent, i really loved the person and in a way i sacrificed for their good. it didn't make it less painful when felt rejected and manipulated. yeah, one of them was narcissistic alright.

[JohnDeux]

It's a symptom that you have starved yourself from love, that you seriously let yourself go in that matter.

Take care and LOVE yourself,

Wow,.....I'd like to place this line on "auto-bump" within the forum so it will be repeatedly at the top of the list at the start of each month. For sure, if someone had told me that both of my LEs were prefaced by having starved myself for love, I certainly would have agreed, but most importantly, I would have brushed that fact off as inconsequential. At the current position outside of my last LE, I can see better how neglecting this aspect of my life was likely a powerful driver in the LE. And it goes without saying that we come out of our FOOs with different versions/visions of what we feel 'love' is as well. When I think back on being on limerence-related forums since 2012, I can see where this theme kept cropping up, but in so many cases became minimized....Thanks for that insight!.

[Cookie]

Starved for love, my. Feels like we're getting to the heart of it here.

We've denied ourselves real love along the way because it didn't sit quite right per our previous tastes of it. True nourishment shoved aside in favor of candy. And leaving us feeling a bit sick.

Greatly appreciated this thread today, LE maniac.

[Limcoco]

But We are at mercy of others for love. I don't see how 'we' can 'starve' ourselves if no one ever truly loved us.