I screwed up big time.

[Uselesd]

Oh. I see I was thinking of reaching out to him just after Christmas assuming he'd reach back. The answer is no, he won't. He didn't. And he has another friend to unload to now. I need to just lick my wounds and move on.

I can't believe how badly wounded I am though. I thought I had such a good friend, and I just did not. It hurts so unbelievably badly.

[Useless]

>No contact feels wrong and even mean at first. But wait
> til you get to the other side and look back at this train
> wreck

😂😂😂😂 train wreck is the perfect description. Thank you so much for this 😂😂😂

[Limberman]

I can't believe how badly wounded I am though. I thought I had such a good friend, and I just did not. It hurts so unbelievably badly.

Totally can relate to what you say about thinking you had a good friend and then it hurts so much when they no longer want anything to do with you. Have the same thing with my LO.

I sometimes wonder if she knows (even just a little bit) how much it hurts for me or does she have so many friends that she doesn't even notice or think twice about dropping people out of her life for apparently no reason at all.

[Mezzer]

My guess is she knows but never ever thinks about it because that would tarnish their self image of being a good person, some people have that ability as a Defense mechanism to protect themselves. The thing is, it does no good to wonder, it only brings you more pain, remember it is their loss too, you both contributed, they will never again know your warmth and understanding, your compassion or good sense of humour. They are losing out on you too and I know one thing from this forum, we are all hyper caring, loving people and that is a gift that shouldn’t be taken granted, even if some are not emotionally available enough to appreciate it.

Be good to yourselves

[Limberman]

Mezzer thank you for that perspective.

I currently have 2 crazy thoughts in my head. First being should I message LO to ask how she is doing with the lockdown situation.

Second crazy thought that has been in the back of my mind for some time is a suspicion that my LO and my best friend are having an affair. Best friend is married and expecting a child very soon. He and LO have met once and may have exchanged numbers. He has asked about LO a couple of times pretending not to remember her name - at least it felt to me he was pretending. He even mentioned than my LO reminds him of an ex of his so he must also find her attractive. I am going a little crazy looking at the times they are online in a messaging platform and seeing how close the times are when they were last on there - seeming like they are conversing with each other. There is probably no link or contact between them. Really really crazy stuff in my head but is there a chance I could be correct?

[Mezzer]

I think you are touturing yourself with that second thought, ruminating on things for which you have very little basis is just prolonging your pain and trying to maintain contact is likely going to the same. You need to embrace acceptance in order to move on. I wish you all the best on your quest for peace

[Useless]

Limberman, re your two thoughts -

firstly, don't contact her. It's only going to stir the whole damned hornet's nest back up again.

Re the second thought - maybe that's something you could use to break the spell? Imagine them together, allow yourself to feel the rejection and sadness until it goes away? Brace yourself and stare your way through the storm until it ceases to have power over you? I don't know, perhaps that would be dangerous, but I am a big fan of riding out emotions until they extinguish thenselves, as a thought exercise.

I'm thinking what I might do is adjourn to my locked diary and list all my misconceptions about him. Things my limerence thought we had but which turned out to be fantasy. Oh, and also l'll list every time he'd accused me of things I didn't do, or teased me about being older. Or whatever. Document this train wreck in forensic detail so I can proverbially hit myself over the head with it.

[Useless]

Can I get a moderator to delete the previous message from me? Just in case I do email that dumb email, I don't want him to find it through googling the wording...

Thanks...and thanks everyone for letting me burble on here. When you've gone and had an affair, even just an online one, it's so hard when it's socially unacceptable and there's absolutely no-one ypu can talk about it with.

[Limberman]

Mezzer and Useless you are both right on your points. I know it but can't help myself

Despite your advice, I messaged her! Being ignored again. Feeling like crap. She may respond much later and make some lame excuse about how busy she has been. Truth is I know she has been online and chose not to reply to my messages. When will I just get it and drop her?

[Mezzer]

I know the sensations and feelings, it becomes an obsession, try to realise you are addicted to how she makes you feel about yourself. I know it is hard but you will get through this, focus on you and what can bring you happiness, without another being required to fulfill that need.

Set yourself a target, delete the conversation history, that makes it a little harder to find out when she’s been online. Then promise yourself you won’t check for half a day. Then try to extend that in increments. It’s a long road ahead, one that I’m still dealing with myself, but I can function a little better than I used to