The spell is broken

[demonslayer]

Wow,

I feel like I just woke up from a coma.

In the last couple months, since I learned about limerence and worked very hard on my own issues and healing past emotional wounds, I feel so differently about my LO.

I see his faults clear as day. I see his narcissism and insecurity. It invokes pity from me.

How was I so blinded? I used to feel so nervous and tongue-tied speaking with him. I used to spend hours rehearsing conversations and reliving interactions with him. I raised him up on a pedestal. I felt jealous when he interacted with other female co-workers. I thought we had such a unique and special friendship. I sought out reasons and opportunities to be alone with him. Now I just try to avoid him as much as possible I know he senses my withdrawal and I just don't have much to say to him. I started pulling back (and told him I would have to, as he is leaving the company next week). And either he started acting like a dick, or I just finally noticed it clearly. I have already decided there will be NC once he's gone.

I feel like I dodged a major bullet, by not saying all the things I planned to say. It was enough that I disclosed my attraction to him 6 months ago. In one scenario, I pondered telling him we would have been amazing lovers in another lifetime.

Sometimes I miss the high. Neuro-chemical addiction is a real thing!! But with it came so much anguish. It really took over my life in ways I never expected. Now I will just ride out the next week, say a final goodbye and chalk all this up to a HUGE lesson learned.

SO GRATEFUL for this site and Dorothy Tennov's work! Scared to think where I would be if this information wasn't out there, And when I get nervous thinking that I'm susceptible to the limerbeast lurking around to take over again, I know I can come back here and dig out before it gets too deep.

Thanks to all that have supported. And if you are in deep right now, have faith, do the inner-work and stay strong!

[NoDayDreaming]

congrats. it's good to be free again and enjoy little things in life that was impossible under the spell.
did you come out a better person? how better?

[L-F]

The sooner we learn it is not about them, the sooner we heal.

[demonslayer]

@daydreamer

Not sure I'm a better person, but certainly a wiser, more aware one. Trying not to beat myself up for time lost in limerence and remember that it was a neuro-chemical addiction.

I'd say I'm more sympathetic to those who choose to have affairs. The pull is strong and it takes some really hard work, even in the best of long-term relationships, to stay committed and work through personal shit and histories. Or else it will just keep manifesting with others in the future.

I'm so very curious if/when I will be able to recognize limerence again, now that I fully understand it. If I will be able to catch it earlier and nip it in the bud before it takes over my thoughts 24/7 again.

I'm proud of myself for not saying or doing anything really damaging. But it was close sometimes! I'm a person very in tune with my feelings and am used to expressing them easily. Keeping something bottled up is just not in my nature. Thankfully I had healthy outlets to express what I was going through and enough past therapy to walk myself through the quagmire and come out the other side. At least I hope I'm on the other side. Still nervous! I'm looking forward to NC and a future where the mention of his name just brings nostalgic amusement of the past 7 months of torture.

[John]

It's encouraging to hear that the spell can be broken because so many seem to struggle to let go.

I'm a SO with a wife who was limerent for years with a younger co-worker. I knew something was off with her and our marriage but had no idea what was going on until I learned about limerence. My wife was in deep, expressing sexual desires and meeting her LO at every opportunity they could find. Once I learned of the affair and brought up divorce, she snapped out of it realizing what she was giving up. I showed her limerence on wikipedia and she says that was her to a T. I initially had doubts she could go NC but she broke it off and now says that she was foolish and selfish to have gotten involved with her LO. We are both doing well but it does take work.

I'm so proud of her and you too demonslayet. It can be done.

[demonslayer]

Thanks John,

Just curious if you care to share (and ok if you don't), has she done much personal internal work, toward healing the original source feelings which led her to her LE? For me, I knew I had to get to the core abandonment and self-esteem issues. I knew that if I didn't get to some of that deep stuff, I would and will end up in a future LE, just focused on a new LO.

Regardless, kudos to you and your wife for working on this together. She's lucky you are so wise and supportive! Best to you both.

[John]

We did individual and couples counseling which helped a lot. She had some early issues with abandonment and self esteem that probably contributed to the limerence.

[Mrs Nonsensical]

So good to hear there is hope. Thank you

[Spinnaker]

Welcome.

[Hopeless Lomantic]

I used to spend hours rehearsing conversations and reliving interactions with him. I raised him up on a pedestal. I felt jealous when he interacted with other female co-workers. I thought we had such a unique and special friendship. I sought out reasons and opportunities to be alone with him.

These jus sound so familiar and at the height of my craziness, I even visited fortune tellers for advise on my love life..thankfully they didn't suggest that I will have another women in my life or my current marriage will end in shams.

I was desperately looking for anything to support my continued infatuation with LO and as the fog slowly clears , I realise this is all a 1 sided wishful thinking scenario..