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My story

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
SuckerForDopamine
Posts: 107
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:32 pm

Re: My story

Post by SuckerForDopamine »

AnonAustralia wrote: Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:16 pm
I think also with no contact, will come some better thinking on the subject. Realisation of his bad points and quirks. Though I quite love his quirks right now. I could never judge in this state of mind.
I too thought that with time I could maybe see more of her faults or things that bothered me. Yet despite not seeing her for six months and being NC for 4 1/2 months I still have absolutely no ability to focus on the bad characteristics. She is still goddess-like to me. I can only think of her good qualities (even though I realize some of them may have been cast upon her by my own imagination.)

She remains perfect to me and if I could see her again or talk to her again, I would absolutely do it in a heart beat. I have no idea how she feels about me now...and I’m kind of scared to know because if she doesn’t think about me anymore or feel anything anymore that would devastate me.
"I loved you from the beginning..."
vistor

Re: My story

Post by vistor »

I came here to see others experiences and perspectives. I think I have learned quickly that if what many describe here is Limerence then this is definitely not what I have experienced. Patterns are similar but i just can't relate to the ease with which some have become obsessed with distant, non-present, never or barely met others. It is tragic and I feel for you and hope you find relief.

Ultimately we know the answer, long time attachment now absent, lonely, perhaps feeling isolated, needing connection. Biggest issue here I think is that we put all our eggs in too few baskets, few other connections to help us remain grounded so that any sense of connection to another becomes overwhelming and all consuming. The threat of losing that connection, whether real or imagined, becomes a terrifying prospect. Without it we are alone. We need more friends, and we need to learn how to pace and diversify our interactions so that no single interaction takes on such magnitude.

Yes Anon, you creeped him out when you told him your feelings. Most everyone here seems very expressive and reflective, eager to share themselves, your thoughts. Sometimes these feelings do match the situation, sometimes they don't. Either way we let an intense longing propel us into weirdness and clingyness. Yeah, stop emailing and texting.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: My story

Post by L-F »

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Last edited by L-F on Sat Oct 19, 2019 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
abc
Posts: 277
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm
United States of America

Re: My story

Post by abc »

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Last edited by abc on Tue Apr 20, 2021 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Pudding
Posts: 738
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: My story

Post by Pudding »

Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus”....fantastic song!
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: My story

Post by Idiotic »

Pudding wrote: Thu Nov 23, 2017 4:35 am Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus”....fantastic song!
:-bd
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
AnonAustralia
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:14 pm

Re: My story

Post by AnonAustralia »

So it’s 2020 and I was still obsessed in this person. I’ve finally let him go just a month ago.

I realise I have deep problems with attachment, I’ve been thinking through this for all these years. I had a very cold and abusive father, and an enmeshed/cold at times mother. I wouldn’t say I was neglected emotionally, but I am fearful of relationships and I prefer being totally alone.

I have had the option of dating men and I am extremely avoidant. I cannot imagine being sexually intimate. I fear Limerence and becoming obsessed in someone for years again, so I actively shut things down way before it’s even possible to like someone.

When I’ve been in real relationships I become obsessed, extremely codependent.

I’ve been single for almost 4 years now and I do well on my own, I’ve moved from codependent to avoidant and it serves me well. I’ve been to a counsellor to work on my avoidance though.

I am ever fearful of obsession, because when I like someone I make them my special person and I don’t even have to know them well. It’s projection and a desperate need to see them in the best possible light, I don’t believe it when they show me their bad sides. I just become obsessed, I raise them well above myself and I am depressed and utterly suicidal in a relationship. I have a fear of abandonment too.

When I’m alone I take very good care of myself, I eat well, I exercise, I have hobbies, I like myself.

When I’m limerent/obsessed/in a codependent cycle I neglect myself and all I do is obsess, I become mentally ill.

I fear losing myself, as I am not able to have both a significant other/close relationship and myself.

I have slight OCD and am eating disorder as well.

I have never been a superficial person, at least I’m quite okay with no makeup and an average look.

It’s weird because I don’t actually have an identity problem, I guess I would if I was badly neglected by parents. I have kept my same hobbies for a long long time, and I am appreciative that even if I lose all interest in everything when I’m in a relationship, I actually still have my identity. I just anxiously, obsessively focus on my apraxia person.

I have no issue with being single, I few like I prefer it, but I’m not immune to developing crushes. I just now avoid them because of the pain of Limerence.

Many will say that people with codependency or Limerence cannot function unless they are seeking attachment, I know very well that I have this hollow space that never leaves me. This space eagerly wants for an attachment bond. I see it as a desperate need to attach to a mother figure in someone. But because I’m so scared I’ve become avoidant, so I always have this hole inside myself, I’ve just walled it up. Forever apprehensive that I’ll be subconsciously searching for my special person and eventually succumb to Limerence once again ☹️
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