My story

[AnonAustralia]

Hi there. I found this forum because I was starting to think there are problems with the way I crush on people, they always seem to be very full on and last at least 6 months while never reciprocated.

I'll tell you about my recent experience. In February this guy from another country started chatting to me about a mutual interest on a social networking site other than Facebook. He would pop up and say "hi how are you?" After an initial discussion. I would reply back every so often every couple of weeks, wondering why he was persistent but never the less it was no hassle to talk. The talking became more often and until we would talk every weekend, we knew each other's time differences and things like that. We eventually started chatting every day. We had swapped photos, sexual stuff as well, our "relationship" was not always intimate, mostly a friendship with occasional sexual aspects. With some research I found he was exactly the person he said he was, and I was telling the truth about myself. I just felt things were special. I had just got out of an 8 yr relationship in January.

Come to May after daily talking I had told him my feelings and suggested escalating our communication to phone call which he didn't want. I decided it was wasteful of my time and told him I think it's best if we stop talking as I have feelings for him. He was okay with this and never contacted me again!

This person would talk to me every day in text and then was completely fine with never talking to me again, while I've wanted him since May and it's now September. I've never met this person or talked to him. I've only shared writing and photos with him.

I talk to him still every two weeks which he replies but doesn't otherwise show much interest.

I should have moved on but I find cutting contact very difficult. I realise I've always had a hard time with this and learnt not to enjoy crushes because they're so painful. I know it's different than limerence in the fact I actually let him know my feelings but I don't know him and this should've stopped months ago. I just know come Christmas or February I'll still be pining over him.

Not only is he in another country, he is also in a professional role and we could never actually be on a relationship.

I feel like I always continuously pick people with boundaries so we can't be together. One person had a girlfriend, when I was 23 I liked a boy who was 17 - never ever told him though. I lost my virginity at 24 and only been in one relationship so until that stage I wasn't a very sexual person and inexperienced so liking a young boy was more pure than normal for a 23 yo.

I'm sick of feeling in love with this guy from another country. It doesn't help that he has always treated me respectfully and is handsome and the right age and just really nice. I would t say I have idolised him as I know he's not a 10/10 in my eyes but then I do.

I think our sexual talking made it worse because I'm not a person to be sexual out of really knowing someone and he also said the same thing . So we were sexual with each other but didn't actually mean to be. It's wasn't a sort of thing that we both did normally. Both having Christian upbringings.

He would give me compliments and we both said we are amazing people to each other and very open with the compliments, not even sexual ones. But when it comes to doing anything about the feelings it didn't happen. I have a child and it's just too big a thing to act out a long distance relationship, we both don't have the energy for it.

So I continue to limerence over this guy who I can't have and I want it to stop. But I can't. It's time to move on.

Thank you.

[AnonAustralia]

I forgot to add that he has been very accommodating of me, we have had some further discussion about my feelings since we stoped talking daily. He did say last month that I am amazing and we have been open with feelings. But not romantic. I think while he doesn't want me, he is still kind to me and my feelings. Which goes beyond his responsibilities considering he's in another country and we don't know each other. He's quite mature because of his professional role and has never hurt my feelings.

When I deleted him of a social media page he did say to me that I wasn't a bother and he doesn't mind me talking. He never initiates conversation, I really 100% believe he just replies to me or talks to me because he feels obligated. I wouldn't say we were friends. He is helpful of any questions i have and listens to me And is always supportive.

[marko]

The obsessing and that you can't move on can be devastating--sorry . I found the obsessing to be a soothing of my problems. A real relationship also adds to the problem and time can help that. It's a good time to look in and see if you are escaping through these thoughts. It remains hard for a long time, so be kind to yourself as you sort through.

[AnonAustralia]

Thanks so much for your reply. I only manage at most 2 weeks before I contact him again and it's like I think I want to end this pain but I obviously don't because I want to talk to him. But in need to stay no contact.

I feel like the end of my 8 yr relationship pain was maybe transferred to this guy. As I don't feel anything towards my ex but I feel deep limerence for this new guy!

[marko]

Yep, I ran to mine from a long lonely marriage and have feelings only for her. I too know nothing will become, perhaps why I still have some contacts is it's safe, but it also reminds me of all that I lost. Youth, love, excitement and she does pay attention to me--even though it's just about nothing. So desperate that something feels better than nothing--and it's painful to admit the nothing. Then again the only happy here is when you can lie to yourself.

[AnonAustralia]

I think what you said is correct. Having feelings for this guy is better than nothing. Better than facing the pain of my separation. An escape from whatever feels yuck.

I had a good day today, hardly thought as much about him. I haven't contacted him for almost a week. Though sadly I know that need will come back soon and there are days where I am a broken record inside my head.

I think I want him to have feelings back for me, even though we couldn't be together. I had been trying for his requited love. I've finally given up on that. I think I realise it won't ever happen. And the only thing left to do is stay no contact. I believe I will be content once my obsession on him is gone.

I think also with no contact, will come some better thinking on the subject. Realisation of his bad points and quirks. Though I quite love his quirks right now. I could never judge in this state of mind.

[Windy1]

I'm so grateful to have found this group.The stories and experiences all sound like my own. I've felt so guilty especially during my latest "crush",that I felt compelled to do more online research and now have a name for my condition. I'm in my mid 40's, married nearly 20 years with 2 teenagers. This is my first and only marriage.
I now realize that I've been limerent since the first girl I had a crush on in 2nd grade! Over the years I've fallen for several girls/women some more than others. One in particular that I fell for 25 years ago, I still think about. I had hoped that getting married would get her out of my thoughts, as you all may know that didn't work.
I've just learned to deal with it and the thoughts are not nearly as intense but they still would pop up daily;UNTIL: I met "C".
C and I are both in healthcare, she is apparently married (3rd) with two kids. She came accross as friendly and attractive at first, nothing more. Over the next several weeks to months, it started happening.She took a new job here in town about a month ago , so my likelihood of running into her is small. As colleagues we would text back and forth about patients and Of course I tried being playful and flirting without being unprofessional. I haven't had any contact with her since she left and don't really have a reason to work related anyway, but I just can't delete her contact info, and I occasionally look at our old texts.
She had quite a positive impact at work and it seemed like just about everyone crushed on her. She does have a very bubbly personality and is very intelligent.She is excellent at her specialty.
I've never been good at flirting,but felt at times she would flirt with me and I would subtly and awkwardly in return.
When she announced that she would be leaving for a new job I felt sad and relieved at the same time. In her last day the staff threw a going away lunch for her. We all loosened up during the lunch and she told us about some of her interests. Every time she gave up some info about her non professional self, I would fall just a little more for her. I had to leave to take care of other work, but knew she would be working late to tie up loose ends as it was her last day. I came back a few hours later and she was sitting alone doing paperwork, I said to her"You can't leave without saying goodbye." She said "I would never do that" and so I walked over and gave her a hug which she returned. I stepped back and looked her in the eyes and said "please do stay in touch", "maybe we'll see each other at some event or function soon". She nodded her head cordially. I was basically blathering in front of her and have had my worst case of limerence in a long time.

[Radey]

Hi Windy1

I am sorry to hear that you have been caught by this dreadful bug called Linerence that reduces grown men and women into crying babies! We have all been there and got the tshirts which is why we are here. The only answer there seems to be is NC. The problem is that the more contact you have the more intense the feelings will get and it may lead to an affair that may end your marriages. Also LE has a way of taking over ones mind so there is a risk that it could distract you from your work. NC is very hard but is the only solution that has worked. NC gives your conscious mind the opportunity to control the unconscious mind and the rational thinking that you need to address the issue of what caused LE. There are resources that can help with NC like meditation, self hypnosis etc but there does not seem to be any shortcuts. Sorry for sounding so hard but honesty and empathy is what you will find here. I hope you are able to deal with this situation before it goes too far.

Best of luck
Radey

[marko]

Yes the not knowing torture

[AnonAustraliaaa]

Back again. Original poster.

I made it a little over 3 weeks NC, then last weekend I broke it and we've been texting back and forth daily.

I keep having hope that he will fall in love with me, though we cannot be together. He lives 18 hrs away and our jobs are so different it would never work. I'd never actually ever leave my own country.

It's like I want the challenge to get his reciprocation, and that would do, to prove I am seen as worthy for his love

I think he's amazing and when I talk to him I'm so high. When it's been a few days or weeks I'm low and I feel the pull.

It's an addiction. I'm addicted to the way I feel when I receive his time, because I don't feel worthy of his interest.

It's very very hard to move on and I'm not sure when I will get ahold of my addiction. It's been 6 months now that I've loved him when I don't know him.