Stand up comedy thread

Want get to know each other outside of limerence? Here is an area for jokes, general chat, reflections in general or whatever else floats your boat.
LostAgain
Posts: 361
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by LostAgain »

Man goes to the doctor and the doctor says 'You're going to have to stop masturbating'

Why ?

Because I'm trying to examine you.

Havb
Posts: 561
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:10 am
Saint-Martin (French part)

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Havb »

^^lol LostAgain, that made me chuckle.

Glad to see all the recommendations on here.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

Spinnaker
Posts: 2353
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Age: 53
United States of America

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Spinnaker »

.
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sun Nov 04, 2018 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“...the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.”
Carl Jung

Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Acrobatica »

A woman is waiting in the hospital while her husband has surgery.

The surgeon comes out and says, I have some bad news for you. You are going to want to sit down. The woman sits.

The surgeon says, we had some complications during the surgery. I am sorry to have to tell you that your husband has suffered some severe brain damage. He will never talk again, he will never walk again, you will have to feed him, bathe him, take care of all of his bodily functions for the rest of his life.

The woman crumples.

The surgeon says, just kidding!, he's dead.

Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Acrobatica »

Riddle -

A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.

The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.

How is this possible?

LostAgain
Posts: 361
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by LostAgain »

Ah,you French with your relaxed approach to affaires de coeur.

L-F
Posts: 3072
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by L-F »

Acrobatica wrote:
Mon Jun 25, 2018 4:32 pm
Riddle -

A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.

The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.

How is this possible?
The surgeon was his mother!
:D
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Acrobatica »

L-F wrote:
Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:11 pm
Acrobatica wrote: ↑
Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:32 am
Riddle -

A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.

The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.

How is this possible?

The surgeon was his mother!
:D
You got it! :ymapplause:

I was telling a friend a story about how on Halloween, a woman answered the door in a white coat. I said, what a nice nurse costume! She said, I'm not a nurse, I'm a doctor. This isn't a costume, I am actually a doctor. I felt terrible. I said, oh, I am a lawyer. I get the whole sexism thing, but that was totally sexist what I just did, sorry. After this story, the friend told me this riddle. I couldn't answer it. Double blow for me being a sexist pig.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 4438
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by JupiterTaco »

I forgot about Sinbad! :D
"Byreeeeeeeen! Byreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!"

Havb
Posts: 561
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:10 am
Saint-Martin (French part)

Re: Stand up comedy thread

Post by Havb »

Ah, Sinbad! I actually have never seen him except snippets, and none stand out. There are comics I liked in my 20s—-Kevin Meaney, Kathy Someone, to name a few—that I no longer think are that great at all.

I’ve enjoyed some of the episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee—Steve Harvey, Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kevin Hart, and Alec Baldwin especially. Seinfeld has so much respect for Julia L-D, it’s pretty sweet to watch.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

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