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Stand up comedy thread
Re: Stand up comedy thread
Man goes to the doctor and the doctor says 'You're going to have to stop masturbating'
Why ?
Because I'm trying to examine you.
Why ?
Because I'm trying to examine you.
Re: Stand up comedy thread
^^lol LostAgain, that made me chuckle.
Glad to see all the recommendations on here.
Glad to see all the recommendations on here.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett
There is always more work to be done.
There is always more work to be done.
Re: Stand up comedy thread
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Last edited by Spinnaker on Sun Nov 04, 2018 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
Carl Jung
Carl Jung
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Re: Stand up comedy thread
A woman is waiting in the hospital while her husband has surgery.
The surgeon comes out and says, I have some bad news for you. You are going to want to sit down. The woman sits.
The surgeon says, we had some complications during the surgery. I am sorry to have to tell you that your husband has suffered some severe brain damage. He will never talk again, he will never walk again, you will have to feed him, bathe him, take care of all of his bodily functions for the rest of his life.
The woman crumples.
The surgeon says, just kidding!, he's dead.
The surgeon comes out and says, I have some bad news for you. You are going to want to sit down. The woman sits.
The surgeon says, we had some complications during the surgery. I am sorry to have to tell you that your husband has suffered some severe brain damage. He will never talk again, he will never walk again, you will have to feed him, bathe him, take care of all of his bodily functions for the rest of his life.
The woman crumples.
The surgeon says, just kidding!, he's dead.
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Re: Stand up comedy thread
Riddle -
A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.
The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.
How is this possible?
A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.
The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.
How is this possible?
Re: Stand up comedy thread
Ah,you French with your relaxed approach to affaires de coeur.
Re: Stand up comedy thread
The surgeon was his mother!Acrobatica wrote: ↑Mon Jun 25, 2018 4:32 pm Riddle -
A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.
The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.
How is this possible?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Re: Stand up comedy thread
You got it!L-F wrote: ↑Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:11 pm Acrobatica wrote: ↑
Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:32 am
Riddle -
A man and his son were in a terrible car accident and were both badly injured and unconscious. They were taken to two different hospitals for life-saving treatment.
The surgeon on call at the hospital saw the boy and said, I can't perform this surgery, that boy is my son.
How is this possible?
The surgeon was his mother!
I was telling a friend a story about how on Halloween, a woman answered the door in a white coat. I said, what a nice nurse costume! She said, I'm not a nurse, I'm a doctor. This isn't a costume, I am actually a doctor. I felt terrible. I said, oh, I am a lawyer. I get the whole sexism thing, but that was totally sexist what I just did, sorry. After this story, the friend told me this riddle. I couldn't answer it. Double blow for me being a sexist pig.
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Re: Stand up comedy thread
I forgot about Sinbad!
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
Re: Stand up comedy thread
Ah, Sinbad! I actually have never seen him except snippets, and none stand out. There are comics I liked in my 20s—-Kevin Meaney, Kathy Someone, to name a few—that I no longer think are that great at all.
I’ve enjoyed some of the episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee—Steve Harvey, Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kevin Hart, and Alec Baldwin especially. Seinfeld has so much respect for Julia L-D, it’s pretty sweet to watch.
I’ve enjoyed some of the episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee—Steve Harvey, Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kevin Hart, and Alec Baldwin especially. Seinfeld has so much respect for Julia L-D, it’s pretty sweet to watch.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett
There is always more work to be done.
There is always more work to be done.
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