What I Learned from my LE So Far

What did you learn from your expereince of limerence? How did you change? how did you grow? What were the upsides and downsides?
AMA210
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by AMA210 » Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:30 am

In the past 6 months, I have learned:

Outward beauty can be deceptive.

If someone lies to you once, don't ignore it, because they will do it again.

Never write a letter to the opposite sex and actually give it to them.
I have done this once and will never do it again.

I was in love with a false person, who was charming, attentive, handsome, religious, dedicated, athletic, and witty.
I fell out of love with a real person, who was manipulative, distant, unfeeling, passive, cruel, and deceptive.

I was given a second chance to make the right decision because I made the wrong one over 30 years ago and it haunted me for a very long time. After that mistake, I didn't think I was trustworthy. Now I have proved that I am.

Becoming aware of limerance and accepting that it is part of who I am gave me a greater understanding of the way I think about people and objects and just how obsessive I can be. Its scary to recognize that in myself, but learning how to control my emotions and thought process is better than not realizing it at all.

I became a different person while in LE -- I was controlled by my emotions and by another person, was withdrawn, sitting on the couch wearing my hoodie with the hood on, hiding from the world, nearly tormented, from this battle going on in my mind, pushing my family away, no motivation to get anything done, crying every day, LE altered me and I hated what i had become, but I felt powerless to change it.

I am an open and honest person. These are good qualities, but I need to guard them and not give them freely to people I hardly know, especially other married men.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

JupiterTaco
Posts: 2187
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Dec 17, 2016 1:56 am

Beauty is deceptive. =)) Truer words were never spoken, yet people always seem to forget it.
"Between the velvet lies, there's a truth as hard as steel"-Dio, Holy Diver

AMA210
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by AMA210 » Sun Jan 01, 2017 12:30 am

If I would not have met LO and all of that this experience entailed, it would not have led me to therapy, which has been a necessary outlet for me to uncover who I am and what I need to work on from my childhood experiences. I have more baggage and issues than I ever imagined. LO was the catalyst for this work, occurring now in mid-life.
I am absolutely positive that I would not have woke up one day and said "I need to go to therapy to figure stuff out."

Also I think that all of this therapy will help me be a better wife and mom.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Lost and confused
Posts: 349
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 4:16 am

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by Lost and confused » Sun Jan 01, 2017 12:34 pm

Aquamarine21 wrote:If I would not have met LO and all of that this experience entailed, it would not have led me to therapy, which has been a necessary outlet for me to uncover who I am and what I need to work on from my childhood experiences. I have more baggage and issues than I ever imagined. LO was the catalyst for this work, occurring now in mid-life.
I am absolutely positive that I would not have woke up one day and said "I need to go to therapy to figure stuff out."

Also I think that all of this therapy will help me be a better wife and mom.
I hear this. It scares me how much baggage I have.
As painful as it is, somewhere inside me I know that its got to be better to know these things. Its just hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes.

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by AMA210 » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:19 pm

That I will never again let someone treat me so badly.

That I will not hand over my self respect and trust to anyone until they prove themselves worthy.

That it's ok for me to stand up for myself and say no, you can't do that.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

JupiterTaco
Posts: 2187
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Jun 17, 2017 5:20 am

It's probably better to never hand someone else your self-respect. =))
"Between the velvet lies, there's a truth as hard as steel"-Dio, Holy Diver

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by AMA210 » Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:04 pm

I have said and felt that an emotional connection to my (adopted) daughter was missing. There is no biological/genetic connection. This bothered me for a long time.

Perhaps in LE, in being able to connect with someone so profoundly, albeit opposite sex, was necessary to crack that wall. Now I feel that my connection to her has improved and that our relationship and relating is much better than it was.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Radey
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by Radey » Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:19 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:19 pm
That I will never again let someone treat me so badly.

That I will not hand over my self respect and trust to anyone until they prove themselves worthy.

That it's ok for me to stand up for myself and say no, you can't do that.
Yes. I have learnt these lessons too! Emotions must never control my actions.
Last edited by Radey on Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by L-F » Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:27 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:30 am

Never write a letter to the opposite sex and actually give it to them.
I have done this once and will never do it again.
Omg! I did this too! =))
Sooooooo embarrassing... I'm never gonna do that again too.
There is only one happiness in this life... to be wholeheartedly loved unmasked. Limerentfriend

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L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am

Re: What I Learned from my LE So Far

Post by L-F » Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:32 pm

Awww bless AM... see, limerence is not so bad :D

It brings with it pots of gold. It's interesting we can unconditionally love a stranger who isn't even our type. Goes to show that we can love unconditionally aye :)

I've taken this lesson and applied it to my father... to heal the horrid upbringing. I too can love unconditionally, just never did before (never knew how to other than my pets). Go us! :ymparty:
AMA210 wrote:
Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:04 pm
I have said and felt that an emotional connection to my (adopted) daughter was missing. There is no biological/genetic connection. This bothered me for a long time.

Perhaps in LE, in being able to connect with someone so profoundly, albeit opposite sex, was necessary to crack that wall. Now I feel that my connection to her has improved and that our relationship and relating is much better than it was.
There is only one happiness in this life... to be wholeheartedly loved unmasked. Limerentfriend

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