The highs and the lows

A place to keep a running dialogue about your journey through limerence (and life).
Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Tue Mar 21, 2017 12:14 am

LostAgain wrote:
Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:29 pm
Panda,sorry.
I know that there are times when you can't talk to someone who is getting under your skin.
As for the things which you describe as lacking or which you say have passed you by well that is just when you are at your most vulnerable and the limerbeast slips in and takes over.
I think I have some idea how you feel and you have my heartfelt best wishes.
I think the advice to find stuff which nourishes the part of you which can be happy or engaged is good.
Take care.
Thank you. I just got back from the gym and I feel a little better. The only times I feel somewhat happy are when I'm watching a movie/tv or at the gym. Only when I am at work with my LO do I feel increasingly depressed as I feel the pull/push to talk to him/avoid him, which gets worse and worse throughout the day. He wasn't in the office one day last week and it was like I could breathe again. I applied for another position to work from home full-time but my company just announced a hiring freeze. And I have been looking for another job but there's not much out there right now and I don't want to apply for just *anything*. I know it's gonna hurt like hell when I do leave, but I am hoping it's like ripping off a band aid. And I know that I need to do NC to get my life back.

Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:23 pm

I've been doing some online research and I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan ... y_disorder

I think that this particular symptom is a big reason for my LE: "Uses fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts"

I have always been a daydreamer and it takes a lot for me to get close to people. I often isolate myself even though I feel lonely.

Does anyone else here have AvPD?

Heart_Open
Posts: 590
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Heart_Open » Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:29 pm

Pandapants wrote:
Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:23 pm
I've been doing some online research and I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan ... y_disorder

I think that this particular symptom is a big reason for my LE: "Uses fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts"

I have always been a daydreamer and it takes a lot for me to get close to people. I often isolate myself even though I feel lonely.

Does anyone else here have AvPD?
I scan-read this and recognised a bit of myself in there - but more importantly, a bit of myself that was more apparent around the time my limerence developed. Several years, much soul-searching and a helluva lot of personal development later, I happily report almost none of these but obviously things fluctuate from time to time. .

Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:32 pm

Heart_Open wrote:
Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:29 pm

I scan-read this and recognised a bit of myself in there - but more importantly, a bit of myself that was more apparent around the time my limerence developed. Several years, much soul-searching and a helluva lot of personal development later, I happily report almost none of these but obviously things fluctuate from time to time.
Hm I wonder what changed and how you were able to move on?

Heart_Open
Posts: 590
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Heart_Open » Thu Mar 23, 2017 11:42 am

Pandapants wrote:
Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:32 pm
Heart_Open wrote:
Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:29 pm

I scan-read this and recognised a bit of myself in there - but more importantly, a bit of myself that was more apparent around the time my limerence developed. Several years, much soul-searching and a helluva lot of personal development later, I happily report almost none of these but obviously things fluctuate from time to time.
Hm I wonder what changed and how you were able to move on?
As I said, several years (I always say when I left my job where I worked with him - 2010 - is when I broke my own heart and soul and embarked on the journey of self rediscovery), much soul-searching - who am I? What makes me tick? What don't I like about myself? Why do I react that way? What do I see in others that is a reflection of me? etc etc ; and a helluva lot of personal development - I am a self-reflective individual, my main question in any situation is 'what is the lesson for me here?', discovering me, growing up (finally - this includes finally cutting the apron strings from my overbearing mother). I developed feelings for LO whilst studied for my masters degree and then limerence really had hold of me all the way through my doctoral studies. I developed through my studies - became a teacher when previously I was too shy, for example; gained so much more confidence in myself etc etc. All that helped get over very low self esteem and highly self-concsious hypersensitivity to criticism, imposter syndrome./
I also think turning 40 was a massive turning point for me. Almost like I woke up and realised I had everything I ever wanted, right here, within me, and stuff the rest of you who don't like me. I no longer sought approval from anyone.

Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:22 pm

Thank you for sharing. I really do want to discover who I am, too. I feel the most like myself when I am writing but my brain wants to think of LO instead of stories and characters. Writing that book took a lot of thinking and daydreaming. It was pretty hard but I don't regret writing it even if I never publish it. I am currently trying to write a new one but every time I try to plot it, LO pops into my head. I feel my brain is always trying to sabotage me by telling me I'm no good at anything or by distracting me.

Part of the reason I'm journaling is to discover more about myself and talking to others who have been through this. Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate them!

Casey.k
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 10:56 am

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Casey.k » Thu Mar 23, 2017 6:30 pm

I looked at the avoidant personality disorder link and yes, it sounds familiar. Especially in the past I think I would have ticked all the boxes. I think all of these problems that you and I seem to share do make us susceptible to limerence. But as painful as it is sometimes, it's good that limerence happened, at least that's how I feel because it was such a wake-up call for me. Otherwise I would have kept going on the only way I knew how. Anyway, I'm sorry to read about how things are with your mom, it can't be easy to try and deal with that kind of behaviour. With all of my messed up childhood stuff, I'm grateful that my parents at least tried their best with the resources they had. I only just realized that I shouldn't take that for granted.

Hope you're feeling better. Keep going to the gym (but maybe not too much) and writing, even if your brain tries to bring up your LO too often.

Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Fri Mar 24, 2017 12:53 am

Hey, Casey. I hope you're doing well. It sounds like you're making progress. Thanks for the message.

I am writing a little here and there. Not everyday but a few times a week. I think one of the reasons I love LO is because he is so supportive of my writing. He is the only person that ever has been, besides my husband. But I write fantasy and my husband doesn't like fantasy. LO and I are both huge nerds who geek out for the same tv shows, books, and movies. He is the only person I know who will talk about game of thrones with me for 45 minutes straight :p

I think I do love LO as a person. He is a good person. It's hard not to love him, honestly. He's smart, interesting, kind, attractive, we have the same interests, and he always seems genuinely happy to see me. I think he's a little sad, too, deep down, and that makes me sad. It also makes me sad that his wife doesn't treat him the nicest. I just hope that one day I can love him as a friend instead in a romantic/obsessive way. I hate that every conversation with him feels like a betayal to my husband, even though they're mostly innocent.

Can you love two people at the same time? A year ago, I would have said no. Now I just don't know anymore.

I am going to keep these feelings to myself and only ever reveal them on these boards with others who understand them. I know this is my burden to carry and I am dealing with it one day at a time.

I checked my mothers Facebook page and I am her only friend!! :lol: She isn't even friends with my sisters. My sisters didn't even know she had a Facebook page. When I told them, they freaked out. They asked why she hadn't requested them, and I said they probably wouldn't have accepted and they said you're right. :lol:

So my mother created a Facebook page so she can cyberstalk me and only me. I really hope I don't end up like her but this is the type of crazy I come from!

marko
Posts: 631
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by marko » Fri Mar 24, 2017 3:17 am

Pandapants wrote:
Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:23 pm
I've been doing some online research and I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan ... y_disorder

I think that this particular symptom is a big reason for my LE: "Uses fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts"

I have always been a daydreamer and it takes a lot for me to get close to people. I often isolate myself even though I feel lonely.

Does anyone else here have AvPD?
Escape artist here, I thought I was different, LE has really pointed it out.

Pandapants
Posts: 236
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Re: The highs and the lows

Post by Pandapants » Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:22 am

"Escape artist"... I like that!

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