Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

men and emotions

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
User avatar
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3016
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Contact:
Great Britain

Re: men and emotions

Post by David » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:29 am

Havb wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:46 pm
I do wonder if my limerent attraction to younger men has something to do with wishful thinking. If my husband hadn’t gained weight; if he hadn’t lost his hair; If he hadn’t aged. Pretty narcissistic thought, since all 3 have happened to me as well and he’s not limerent!
Too many men when married stop making an effort. We think we've captured our wife and no longer have to work at this thing called love. I hold my hands up and put myself in this camp.

The dead bedroon and married redpilled reddit forums are an interesting read. The first lesson is to own your own shit and start the heavy lifting. That heavy lifting includes literal lifting with weights so getting yourself in shape too make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.

Again, im not sure how this relates to men showing emotions in the way modern day society and most therapists are expecting men to do. I used to believe it was cultural / societal pressures that made it hard for men to express feelings. My own female T was strongly of this view.

My views have changed and believe men work differently. We cant rewire thousands of years of evolution in 2 or 3 generations. Chris Ryan’s Sex at Dawn is an interesting read on this topic and Tom Golden’s youtube channel and books are a must for men wanting to learn more on this.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

Spinnaker
Posts: 1904
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: men and emotions

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:39 am

.
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat Nov 03, 2018 4:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3016
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Contact:
Great Britain

Re: men and emotions

Post by David » Sat Sep 15, 2018 7:18 am

Spinnaker wrote:
Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:39 am
Thank you for explaining. It’s been 30 years since I studied the subject and I recall learning aspects of what you and R said.

I wonder what percentage of men would fall into the Beta category?
Id guess 80% from what ive read in the red pill community and from what i observe of the men i coach, although that is a skewed cross section. And of the 20% of alphas that eventually settle down, i suspect many of these will get betatised (sounds like baptised).
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

LostAgain
Posts: 355
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: men and emotions

Post by LostAgain » Sat Sep 15, 2018 11:25 am

I have known that I am a Beta since I was little ,though I wasn't aware of the term or division into category.
I watched with envy as Alpha friends,many as thick as the proverbial pigshit,shagged the prettiest girls.
Now I watch as they survey their trashed marriages and friendships,their lost ,unsupported offspring and wonder Why ?
The sad thing is the majority still try to bed any woman with a pulse .
Moi ? Well I at least have the benefit of not being driven by my genitals which enables me to be philosophical sometimes.

mamasita
Posts: 726
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: men and emotions

Post by mamasita » Mon Sep 17, 2018 2:53 pm

My DH is definitely all alpha male, but just now showing a beta side that I am learning to get to know as well. I don't perceive it as weakness and he is still alpha in the way he has always been alpha in the bedroom or in the public eye.
Last edited by mamasita on Mon Sep 17, 2018 6:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LostAgain
Posts: 355
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: men and emotions

Post by LostAgain » Mon Sep 17, 2018 5:37 pm

Uhhuh ,I got a hunkahunkaburninlurv.

NVTS
Posts: 362
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: men and emotions

Post by NVTS » Thu Sep 20, 2018 4:14 am

I am I suppose a beta male. I have no real inherent talent such as athletics or arts. I was never the “ladies man” although I really envied those dudes who possessed those traits. It took me long time to come to terms with this realization and it was well before I discovered the term limerence.

We used to call it being “nerdy” or a “wuss”. Who wants to be those adjectives?!?! But as Popye said” I ams what I ams!” So I’ve tried to embrace it, seeing what a bunch of assholes most of the alphas I know and work with. What I have slowly learned is that people ( women) are attracted to CONFIDENCE; but there is a fine line between that and arrogance, which almost nobody likes.

So this is my lot in life and I have to make the best of it.
M-47-married
LO- married 47,work colleagues

Havb
Posts: 561
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:10 am
Saint-Martin (French part)

Re: men and emotions

Post by Havb » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:16 pm

I married one, NVTS, and we are happy. Nothing wrong with being a Beta male.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

There is always more work to be done.

L-F
Posts: 1917
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: men and emotions

Post by L-F » Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:25 am

Time spent bonding, reconnecting, and rediscovering why we fell in love was what the Doc ordered. No more thrashing about like a frog in a sock (sorry JD, too cute not to mention)…
We had time to ourselves to walk hand in hand, or gaze at the stars. See new sights, taste new food and devour each other.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Maddie
Posts: 751
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: men and emotions

Post by Maddie » Mon Oct 22, 2018 3:32 pm

Wow. That sounds great, L-F. happy for you! good to hear from you. I need to do some of that, or should I say we should (SO and I)...
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests