Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
Post Reply
confusedGirl3
Posts: 188
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by confusedGirl3 » Sun Dec 04, 2016 1:04 am

One of the hardest things about getting any motivation to date someone is that I want them to be my LO :(
well, my LO himself can't compete against my fantasies of him and I know that. I know that my LO is a fantasy, but I still find it very difficult to control the feelings of wanting him.I had the thoughts that maybe I insist on being in love with a fantasy because I am really emotionally unavailable myself :shock: Maybe I am scared of being with a real person and I prefer the fantasy. The fantasy is so much easier after all.

All those thoughts came to me as I opened an online dating profile ( I have not had one for years). I received many messages within the first a few hours, some of the men sound like they might have a potential, but I could not get myself to reply back to any messages. I caught myself looking at their profile and trying to find things that are common between them and my LO. Anything from age, looks....etc.

I am such a mess :(

I thought that I am almost over my LO, but when I saw him yesterday, I could not get my eyes off him for a good 10 seconds, maybe longer. As I starred at him, I saw this smile on his face that he was almost trying to hide. I realized, he still has me :shock:

I wanted to answer some of my messages on the dating website right away, but I could not. I am hoping tomorrow that I would wake up feeling motivated to start the conversation with at least one guy. :oops:

If people have suggestions that would help me, I am open to advice. I thought I am in control, but somehow I gave the control away. Well, tomorrow is a new day. I will do better tomorrow.

Lost and confused
Posts: 349
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 4:16 am

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by Lost and confused » Sun Dec 04, 2016 8:58 pm

That's good, stay positive. You'll have ups and downs, Just don't beat yourself up for the downs. There's a reason you feel how you feel. Just keep plugging away, winning the odd battle, you'll get there.

confusedGirl3
Posts: 188
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by confusedGirl3 » Mon Dec 05, 2016 12:56 am

L&C thank you for the encouragement!

Today I was motivated enough and I did talk to 2 people, but it did not go well. Both of the 2 men I talked to were legally separated and not divorced yet so I ended the conversation. Is it common now for people to start dating before their divorce is final!?
Anyway, I know that I do not want that kind of drama.

Pudding
Posts: 420
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by Pudding » Mon Dec 05, 2016 3:35 am

I don't know if it's common as I'm married myself but can't divorced sometimes take a while to sort out?

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1935
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:25 am

Dependent-personality-types or people who are still hurting from a divorce or separation will sometimes thrown themselves right back out there. Two months after my aunt died, my uncle had a new girlfriend. They're still together and seem to be doing well though. Sometimes getting back out there can help some people, but it's not always encouraged since it's not for everybody.
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

confusedGirl3
Posts: 188
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by confusedGirl3 » Thu Dec 29, 2016 5:38 am

thank you everyone for the your replies thought I will give an update on my online dating that I just started.

I have already went on one date with a guy that I do like for the most part, but do not feel very attracted to him.
He seems like a good person, but trying to see if I can grow attracted to him with time since we have nice conversations and seem to think alike. Time will tell.

I am also texting another guy that I think that I am more attracted to physically
we are yet to meet...he wants to meet next week <fingers crossed>

Is it okay to date more than one person at the same time?

I still think about LO, but it got much better. I have not seen him in person for over a month. I did look at a picture of him and I still think he is the most attractive man in the world, which means I am still delusional.
I need to get more control over looking at photos of LO.

I am hoping that my feelings for LO might fade away completely as I connect more with at least one of those 2 guys or someone else. If I can find a stronger connection than the one that I think I have with LO, I think that would help a lot.
Sometimes I feel that I am dating just to find distraction and I wonder if it is fair for the men that I am dating. Then, I tell myself I am single and I'm trying to move on with my life!

confusedGirl3
Posts: 188
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:02 am

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by confusedGirl3 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:25 am

going back to work after the holidays and seeing LO made me realize all those men I started dating did not help me get over LO =(( :cry:

I am still hoping, that I might find someone who would. I feel so sad.

User avatar
RedPencilMentality
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 8:33 pm
Location: UK

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by RedPencilMentality » Fri Jul 07, 2017 9:34 pm

confusedGirl3 wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:25 am
going back to work after the holidays and seeing LO made me realize all those men I started dating did not help me get over LO =(( :cry:

I am still hoping, that I might find someone who would. I feel so sad.
Why not accept the fact you might never will and live happily ever after? And if someone/something nice comes along, you'll get a nice surprise. Of course, this would mean you'd have to love and accept yourself to know that you are enough exactly as you are.

You already have someone who loves you more than you know.

Ever came across a lover who'd die for you?
L.O.V.E. always wins.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1935
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Challenges of dating other people while being limerent for someone

Post by JupiterTaco » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:22 am

RedPencilMentality wrote:
Fri Jul 07, 2017 9:34 pm
confusedGirl3 wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:25 am
going back to work after the holidays and seeing LO made me realize all those men I started dating did not help me get over LO =(( :cry:

I am still hoping, that I might find someone who would. I feel so sad.
Why not accept the fact you might never will and live happily ever after? And if someone/something nice comes along, you'll get a nice surprise. Of course, this would mean you'd have to love and accept yourself to know that you are enough exactly as you are.

You already have someone who loves you more than you know.

Ever came across a lover who'd die for you?
Agreed. This is something society loves to shove down everybody's throat. That all-elusive perfect other. Even having several failed relationships is better than being forever alone in our society. There always has to be another person. It's really something...
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest