Do You Hate Being Hit On?

A place to help from being limerent again and how to cope with limerence in future relationships.
JupiterTaco
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Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by JupiterTaco » Fri May 19, 2017 3:02 pm

I do. I know I should feel good in the event it happens, but it makes me feel unsafe inside. Does anybody else feel this way and if so have you thought about why this is?
"Between the velvet lies, there's a truth as hard as steel"-Dio, Holy Diver

Heart_Open
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by Heart_Open » Fri May 19, 2017 3:58 pm

Yes! Although I must admit it hasn't happened in a while. I always seem to attract the 'special' types too. You know like when you are on a bus with loads of empty seats but the strangest person sits right next to you and starts a conversation as if you are an old friend?

When I worked with LO there was this guy who would come in, and eat his food whilst chatting to us. He would always have a conversation just with me, about horror films mainly, which I am not into. He had an intense stare. I didn't find him too threatening but it could have been if I had handled it different and maybe responded to his attention. I just treated him like any other. He was upset when I was leaving and hadn't told him, even said out loud in the shop 'I bet you will miss XX when you leave' to which I smiled and said 'I'll miss working here yeah'.

LO and I had a conversation about how this guy seemed to direct attention towards me. he said 'But aren't you flattered?'. I replied 'No, I prefer to get to know someone quite well. He is a stranger and it just feels a bit weird'. Of course I was getting at 'you and I know each other quite well now so you're more than okay' ;)

More recently though one of my team of students I work with has started acting a bit weird around me. He will come into our office - to see someone else he works with - and find an excuse to chat to me even though I am clearly busy (hey, I have been there, I know what it is like!). Part of his job is to present workshops and he used to be great but I noticed around Christmas time his presenting went out the window. I could be barking up the wrong tree, but he also sat and stared at my back for 45 minutes whilst I chatted to another colleague a few weeks ago. Hmmm. I don't think he is working with me next year, so that will be a relief.

Spinnaker
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by Spinnaker » Fri May 19, 2017 5:23 pm

JT
Yes! What's that all about?
Several things come to mind.
It's definitely something that has *bothered* me rather than something I found flattering over the years.

Obviously just avoiding eye contact and steering clear of open-ended comments helps. Not feeding the conversation or making any flattering comments toward them and mastering the technique of finding an "out" are all you can really do. But maybe I need to quit smiling too! =))

Anyway good question JT. I've always wanted to understand this and hope that we get some good feedback.

Spinnaker
Last edited by Spinnaker on Sat May 20, 2017 5:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
"The biggest secret to limerence is that it has nothing to do with LO."

Limerentfriend :ymhug:
aka L-F

JohnDeux
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by JohnDeux » Fri May 19, 2017 5:50 pm

Huh....this surprises me a bit and yet perhaps is context dependent?......

In a culture where a woman is supposed to 'wait' until a guy does the hitting/proposing, how else is intention supposed to be made known? Is it the manner in which the hitting is being done which is inducing the heebie-jeebies?....Is it that the hitting precedes any attempt to determine if the woman/target partner is available/interested for relationship? Speaking as a passive, I've never been in a relationship or tryst in which I did the hitting, it was always the other way around. Not to say I haven't been in rather one-sided flirtations from my end, but just that, for whatever reason, I never went through that cycle of "boy meets girl---boy hits on girl---girl accepts advances---lift-off is achieved---" (.....boosters fail and rocket crashes to the ground in a fiery ball.... :| ....well, that's how I envision my attempts would have ended up!...)

That general cycle seems to be the Hollywood paradigm at any rate which I suspect has some bases in cultural norms....

Hmmmmm....I'm stumped.

Spinnaker
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by Spinnaker » Fri May 19, 2017 9:51 pm

@JohnDeux

"Hmmmmm....I'm stumped".

Nooooooo way! :ar! %-( x_x 8-} :-o

Yikes! I'm screwed! Lost cause! Hot mess!

Well, at least I'm in a safe place to work it out.

Daaaaaaaavid???? Where are those new smilies ? I could really use a few more today. Lol
"The biggest secret to limerence is that it has nothing to do with LO."

Limerentfriend :ymhug:
aka L-F

marko
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by marko » Fri May 19, 2017 11:36 pm

I told the LO that since i'm the punching bag here at work that she should feel free to hit on me anytime :ymapplause: Thats when I thought she actually was. :(

AMA210
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by AMA210 » Sat May 20, 2017 3:57 am

I never had an issue with delivering the first hit. If I am interested in you and you appeal to me, no problem in making a move on you. I seem to attract either shy or passive guys. After 3 weeks of saying "hi"to my DH at the bar, I finally said fuck it and asked him to dance. He had me at that first kiss. I will boldly admit that his kiss is still potent to me now and I never get tired of kissing him.

In retrospect, this very thing that I love so much would have been seriously fucked up for the rest of my life, if LO had done it. :-w He would have ruined that so badly for me. I did have enough self control....so many thoughts that could have resulted in action. I cannot remove his image from my car and it totally sucks.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

JellyBean
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by JellyBean » Sat May 20, 2017 4:26 am

For the first time in my life, I am enjoying it. I am playing with my femininity... actually I am delving into my masculine and feminine energy and having fun!

I feel like I am in the best years of my life to walk with confidence and sass. Yep... Ima gonna let those hips swing sister! This gal is happy in her own skin (and mind)... and about time!

Don't ever let anyone make you feel unsafe inside... just don't invite them in. Being emotionally raped is easily done, so stay safe by working on boundaries. You got this JT

:ymhug:

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LisaTranscending
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by LisaTranscending » Sat May 20, 2017 3:45 pm

JohnDeux wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 5:50 pm
Is it the manner in which the hitting is being done which is inducing the heebie-jeebies?
yep.
JohnDeux wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 5:50 pm
Is it that the hitting precedes any attempt to determine if the woman/target partner is available/interested for relationship?
nope. (even though from a moral standpoint...that should be a yep)

all of this is subjective, since everyone has their own feelings about these things.
for me... if the manner is fun and everyone is having a good time....if and when it's a no...it's also the manner in which the no can be received. and the no could be anything (not even that you wouldn't want to get to know this person) but the timing is off or a legit you don't want anything more but flirty banter.

some guys take the no rather badly. some guys do it with such class. (same true for women) some women have really hit hard on me and have taken the no with arrogance. in fact the only person who ever made the no a problem at work for me, was in fact, a woman. (that was a nightmare of drama.) some women think sexual harassment doesn't apply to them. wonder if HR probably deals with more complaints now that gender equality is in full effect.
but being hit on at work can just be so rife with problems, I think "flirting" is better than blatant "hitting" at work or on the playground.

and then there's the person who hits on you and you make a move and they say no. =(( ouch. but you have to take your lumps. x_x

townshend
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Re: Do You Hate Being Hit On?

Post by townshend » Sat May 20, 2017 10:54 pm

Well, there's also the fact that certain men will often get angry when their "flirting" doesn't get what they want or the response they think they deserve. We've probably all seen/experienced in person or over messaging how it can go from some pick up line or "nice" lines but when met with anything less than what they think they deserve and mr. hyde comes out.
Personally I like the kind of witty, back and forth kind of thing, other times I'm just have no time or interest. The worst is when there's no interest shown to encourage it or you're in a position (like at work) where you can't back out of the situation. Also, the whole being told to smile thing... [-( But I haven't really had one of the above/a creeper lately so that helps...
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

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