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Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

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NoDayDreaming

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by NoDayDreaming »

WishMagick wrote: Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:11 am My husband is the sensitive scientist type! And he can definitely handle my intensity!!
good for you! all you need is to appreciate the gift you have. simple but not easy, right?
UlyssesAlves
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2019 10:34 pm
Brazil

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by UlyssesAlves »

I think it does help, or at least it’s a much better and more mature choice than it is to keep ressentment/jealously/envy towards LO’s SO.

I have had this exact experience. I was badly manipulated and victimized by some members of my church, who didn’t want me to join LO in a romantic relationship, so they did everything they could to stop it from happening: from manipulation to intimidation to backstabbing. You name it!

Because of that I started to build up ressentment towards the guy they got to Exchange me with, but my ressentment was making the situation worse and worser each day. It was backfiring at its best, so I changed my mindset to just accept it and now I greet all of these people when I see them around. The very people who destroyed my opportunities with LO.

Today I feel much better and I don’t suffer from manipulations anymore. I’ll never get to be with LO, but I don’t feel the urge for it anymore. Greeting her has also helped me to stop thinking too much on what should I do around her now that the Mess is Kind of over.
HelpNeeded
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2021 7:49 am
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by HelpNeeded »

For me, it would be using her to try and overcome my feelings for him and I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Forming a genuine friendship based on similar interests might be ok but I'd have to be 100% over him first.
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by AMA210 »

I would say that being friends with the SO of LO would create more emotional pain and not worth the effort.

A good start would be to ask yourself why you want to do this and what, if any, benefits that would provide, aside from the inside scoop of LO.

I volunteered with LO's SO also, and the more I got to know her, the more I didn't like her. But that aside, I think it contributes to more overthinking on the part of the LS.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
mamasita
Posts: 1109
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by mamasita »

I used to be friends with LO's wife. We were all friends, DH, LO, myself and LOs wife. Before I was limerent. The relationship fell apart, not between DH and LO but between myself and her. I learned she was gossiping about me to another mutual friend. I hated her after that and immediately felt like LO was better off without her. We can be cordial, but deep down I don't like her and limerence has made those feelings worse. No contact with LO is definitely also No contact with her as much as I can help it. I have made some growth in the past year releasing the whole situation and recognizing that she is not an awful person and they love each other very much.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by Spadge100 »

I certainly can’t see how that is a good idea for everyone’s sanity. Ultimately you are manufacturing a friendship to be near someone you are limerent for. Therefore it’s never an honest relationship you would be having with LOs SO. I’m sure the limerent brain would try and justify it. I spoke a couple of times to my LOs SO and it felt very strange to me, alarm beeps should have sounded at that point.

For me no contact is no contact with LO and friends of LO. It sounds drastic but I find it helps keep me calmer and reduces the rumination.
MidwinterO
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2021 12:41 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Does befriending LO's SO work to ease out of the LE?

Post by MidwinterO »

My acquaintance with the wife began way before I developed the unhealthy obsession for her husband :(. She’s nice. It’s one of the things that’s making me feel so guilty. My guilt is making me babble when I communicate with her. She’ll send a simple message and I’ll write a convoluted and almost irrelevant reply. When I see her face to face, I don’t even know if I should go over and can barely make eye contact with her. She doesn’t deserve this. Nor does my husband, for that matter. Desperate for a cure for this.
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